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Caillou…The Silent Killer

Before kids, I remember parents complaining about Barney and the Wiggles regularly.  I never once turned on Barney for my kids for fear that I would have to listen to and look at that purple beast.

The Wiggles didn’t really bother me and as soon as I realized that they put my children into a trance, I put them on all the time.

Before we knew it – we all knew every dance move and every song lyric.  Mr. Gaga and I even rocked out and sang every song took the kids to two Wiggles Concerts.  It was around this time that I had two little babies that needed my constant attention.  The 22 minutes of peace that I had sitting on the couch in a vegetative state while they sang “Fruit Salad,” was the highlight of my day.

I remember too – that there was an episode on at 6:30 am and I would sometimes sit with my coffee riddled with exhaustion and actually think that Captain Feathersword was hot.  It could have been lack of sleep or lack of adult interaction, either way those Wiggles brought me a lot of joy.

After I asked Mr. Gaga to come to bed wearing a Captain Feathersword outfit - he banned me from watching...

After I asked Mr. Gaga to come to bed wearing a Captain Feathersword outfit – he banned me from watching…

I actually was a bit sad to see them go  – only to be replaced by new weird 2013 Wiggles.

Really? A Wiggle-ette? No...I'm not tuning in for this shit....

Really? A Wiggle-ette? No…I’m not tuning in for this shit….

Recently a friend was complaining about her kids watching Caillou.  I had a flashback to never ending afternoons with a baby and a preschooler.

It seems so long ago that I spent my afternoons making grilled cheese sandwiches while that annoying whiney brat Caillou droned on in the background.

“How come you didn’t warn me?” She asked in despair.

How come I didn’t warn her? I am not sure – but with that I realized that I really should warn people about this menace to society.

After preschool or whatever morning activity we had – we would come home for lunch and Caillou was always on.  It seemed harmless, so I would let the kids watch.

I did initially find the characters offensive due to their lack of style and the fact that poor Caillou had a clear case of alopecia that needed addressing – but I figured it couldn’t be too bad.

I am sure at some point he is going to notice that he is the only bald one and demand a wig....

I am sure at some point he is going to notice that he is the only bald one and demand a wig….

Episode by episode it became increasingly clear that this son of a bitch was a whining, rude little brat.  His parents don’t ever reprimand him for his wretched behavior because his family consists of an extremely medicated mother and a hippie Dad that doesn’t comb his hair and wears oversized Christmas turtlenecks everyday.

Do these people own mirrors??  If they are going to wear seasonaly inappropriate turtlenecks and not push up their headbands properly - can they at least match their clothes???

Do these people own mirrors?? If they are going to wear seasonally inappropriate turtlenecks and not push up their headbands properly – can they at least match their clothes???

As if their looks aren’t offensive enough, Caillou wanders through life complaining and demanding things.  You will notice that if your children watch this show – they actually learn step by step how to be a brat and how to throw tantrums.

This episode shows Caillou having a tantrum because he wants to go to the circus "RIGHT NOW!" Several children I know immediately started to throw tantrums "Caillou-style" after watching this...

This episode shows Caillou having a tantrum because he wants to go to the circus “RIGHT NOW!” Several children I know immediately started to throw tantrums “Caillou-style” after watching this…

It would take all my mental strength to get through the day with two little boys and their live crying and whining, Caillou’s whines and cries would go right through me and make me want to jump off the nearest cliff.

Thank you so much show creator Hélène Desputeaux for introducing this spoiled,  annoying person into our lives.  It’s not enough that we have to navigate the news and Annie and Bambi  without incident – not to mention the real live children that we have to interact with daily that are complete jerks, and their real live parents that look like Steven Keaton.  

Wouldn’t it be nice to have some pleasant afternoon programming for our children that is not filled with bald assholes?

New parents – consider yourself warned.

Do not turn on Caillou under any circumstance, even a Wiggle-ette will probably be better.

I asked Mr. Gaga to proofread this post.  He finished reading and looked up and said “What’s your point? You are just ripping on Caillou this week for no reason?”

Yes Mr. Gaga – yes I am.

Please share on FACEBOOK if you have ever experienced the TORTURES of CAILLOU and his stupid cat Gilbert and his medicated, turtleneck loving family!


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What I learned….

In February of 2011 I began this little anonymous blog, as a way to vent and tell stories of my experience as a mother.

I have so loved having you all read, comment, laugh and commiserate. I look forward to much more blogging in 2012 and thank you all for your support!!

2011 was a good year for me.  I finally started to feel like I could think about doing something for myself – something besides wiping a butt or emptying a dishwasher.  (Like start a blog!!)

If I had to pick one word for 2011 it would be “blog,”  because in the beginning of the year I didn’t even really know what a blog was, and now I have my mom blog and I also have a beauty blog, and blogging has become a huge part of my life!

If I had to pick one word for 2012 it will be “Tweet.”  From what I understand this is something I am supposed to be doing already, but as usual I am behind the eight-ball with technology – so I am going to figure it out and become a tweet-aholic.

Today I want to just review the year for those of you who might have missed some important stories….with the
TOP TEN THINGS I LEARNED THIS YEAR…..(and one for good luck)

#1 – In February I started this blog and learned about other cultures at a Chinese child’s birthday party. This is where I was told to take off my shoes and wear the mother’s filthy slippers throughout the party.

#2 – In March, I came to the realization that my neighbor “Fran Drescher” is an utterly repulsive idiot.  I am so thankful that she moved across the country so I no longer have to be subjected to her filth or her children’s theater productions.

#3 – In April, I was an idiot and drove 19 hours in the car to Georgia, I learned that this is not necessarily a good idea.  As if it’s not bad enough being stuck in a vehicle for long periods of time,  I definitely learned that when one gets out of the car for short breaks, the Cracker Barrel is not the place to go.

#4 – In May, in honor of Mother’s Day I reviewed the ways “This is not my mother’s motherhood.”  Most of this list revolves around the fact that modern-day motherhood is wretched and torturous and my mother enjoyed leisure time watching the Days of Our Lives program and smoking cigarettes.

#5 – In June, school ended so I no longer had to look at or listen to Steven Keaton at the bus stop, and I figured out a way for my son to get the final revenge of the school year.  This school – year I learned that I must wear sunglasses rain or shine to avoid eye contact with any and all humans at said bus stop.

Imagine waking up every morning and having to watch this guy pretend he's going to take the bus to kindergarten.

#6 – In July, I learned that Bingo is very annoying, I will never win and it is not good for my mental health. If I continue to attend the yearly beach bingo I could possibly flip tables like Theresa Guidice.

Teresa Guidice flipping a table

#7 – In August, I learned that too much sun coupled with late nights spent watching Spongebob while his mother drinks wine, can actually turn a 5-year-old into the devil.  I got a lot of comments on this one – I think you all could relate to this story – especially when everyone on the beach clapped when we left….

#8 – In September, I was provoked by a moron in my “Moms Club” who decided to tell her 2-year-old there’s no such thing as Santa.  I learned that there is a level of horrible parenting that I was not aware of – Oooohh how I hate that woman and her husband.  In 2012 – stay tuned for more idiotic requests and questions from people who apparently can’t solve simple matters without sending out a mass email to 800 mothers.

#9 – In October, I escaped from Hell on Earth Connecticut and I learned it is not necessarily all it’s cracked up to be.  Although we had a great trip – it did take us until about Halloween to recover from the trip – and that was about the time that we had a storm that destroyed Connecticut life as we knew it.

#10 – In November, my hair turned into a Brillo pad and I learned how to survive without power for 10 days!!!!!  It took us until last week to recover from this fucking piece of shit storm and the piece of shit utilities company that we have here in lovely Connecticut.

This is me waiting for my husband to hook up the generator.....

#11  – In December, I learned that some people in this household do not value Christmas traditions and schedules as much as I do…..and Mr. Gaga asked that I also say I learned that he is funnier than me……(which of course is not true.)

What's the big deal? Why are you crying? Are you crying about coming home to raw chicken on the counter and a messy house or is it because I am an idiot?

Happy New Year!! Please start off the new year in a positive direction and vote for me was one of the Top Mommy Blogs!! XOXOXO LADY GOO GOO GAGA

Linking to pour your heart out!!

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