Mr. Gaga is a birthday party lover.
He feels that our children should attend every party that they are invited to for fear that the birthday child in question will not have a nice birthday due to low party attendance.
Therefore, as I have mentioned before, while I repeatedly attempt to destroy birthday party invitations by lighting them on fire or flushing them down the toilet – he will always catch me and insist that we RSVP “Yes” to every party.
When Sam received an invite for the day after the last day of school I just didn’t think that we could commit to that. The child was not really a good friend of Sam’s so I didn’t feel obligated. We didn’t know the parents so I had no problem throwing the invite in the garbage. The day after the last day of school we are usually running around going to social engagements or going to the beach for the weekend, anyways.
Mr. Gaga wouldn’t hear of it. I had to work during the day, and I asked Mr. Gaga if he really was going to feel like bringing Sam to a party on a Friday evening at 5 PM. He confirmed that he would definitely be available for that.
That day I came home around 7 PM. Just the time that the party was set to be over.
Mr. Gaga, Michael and Sam were lounging around watching television and the gift was sitting in front of the door where I had left it in the morning.
“Um, what happened with the party?” I asked.
They all looked at me with a shocked look. Mr. Gaga jumped up in despair.
“Oh my God! I totally forgot! We were relaxing and we totally forgot!” he said hysterically.
Because I am tortured by Mr. Gaga I had visions of the child alone surrounded by balloons and cake with no friends at his party. What if nobody could attend and he was counting on Sam to be there? Sam is beloved by the children in his class and many mothers have exclaimed to me that Sam is their child’s “best friend!” when we don’t even know who they are.
What if this was one of those kids that loves Sam and wanted him to be there?
We were horrible people!!
We destroyed his birthday!
We possibly destroyed his life!!
I launched into action and ran into the basement to explore my shelf filled with toys and gifts that we never opened. I keep this shelf readily available for this type of occasion when an emergency gift is needed.
I cleared off the shelf and frantically started wrapping gifts.
I ran upstairs with all of the gifts and grabbed the original gift and urged Sam to get his shoes on. I googled the boy’s name and address.
“Come on, we will bring his gift to his house and apologize.” I told Sam.
We loaded the gifts into the car and peeled out of the driveway.
When we pulled up to the address it looked as though nobody was home.
“Oh good – we will just leave a note with the gifts,” I told Sam as we got out of the car and he rang the doorbell.
Lo and behold the family was home.
“No worries!” the mother exclaimed when I apologized profusely as I shoved gifts into her foyer.
“No – we are so sorry! We feel horrible!!” I said emphatically as I placed the gifts at the little boys feet.
“Don’t be silly!” she said nicely as she looked at the pile of gifts, “and we don’t need all of these gifts.”
“Oh no – these were his gifts anyways.” I said casually.
“No really – we can’t take all of these gifts.” she pleaded.
“No – don’t be crazy! These were totally his gifts!!” I said as I turned to leave.
And just when I was just about in the clear…
“So maybe we can do a playdate this summer!” she called after me.
Normally I find myself maneuvering ways out of these
torture hours playdates – but this time I had an excuse.
“Oh sorry – we will be at the Connecticut shore for the summer,” I said softly pretending to be disappointed.
“So will we!” she exclaimed. “We will be there for two weeks! We can get together down there!”
Oh Lord – why is that when I do a good deed of showering a small child with millions of presents am I punished????
“Ok – definitely contact me when you are there!” I said cheerfully, ushering Sam out the door.
I thought nothing of it – because clearly what kind of sadomasochistic maniac would really remember on their family vacation to schedule a playdate with a perfect stranger who forgot your child’s birthday?
Then I received an email with the subject line “BEACH PLAYDATE.”
She was asking if we could schedule a playdate on the beach. I quickly shot that down because I don’t like a playdate on the grass or on the floors of my home – so I sure as hell don’t like one on the fucking sandy beach where I can be relaxing and enjoying life.
“How about we meet at the carousel and ice cream shop tomorrow night?” I wrote back kindly.
I had plans to go to an early dinner with some family and I could head to the carousel for ice cream after that. She agreed to the plan.
The next day was a perfect ten.
I was supposed to leave for dinner at 5 and I was regretting my decision. I wanted to stay on the beach until the last possible minute. Thankfully we were just going to a lobster roll shack, so at 4:40 I headed home to grab my wallet and threw a sundress on over my bathing suit.
After dinner I rushed back home. I got home at 6:40 and was supposed to meet these people at the carousel at 7. I quickly showered, got dressed and pulled into the carousel at 6:58!
I was very proud of myself. I had gotten ready very quickly and also I was a very good person for agreeing to this. I knew that this little boy would be happy to see Sam and the mother would forgive me for missing her child’s birthday so it was all worth it. My good works and efforts would make everybody happy.
I was the best mother and person in the land.
We stood in front of the carousel watching the horses go around, waiting for the family.
After a few minutes the kids started to whine. “Where are they Mom?” Sam asked excitedly.
“I’m sure they will be here in a minute,” I answered distractedly looking at the street watching cars pull in.
After a few more minutes I asked the kids if they wanted to get ice cream while we waited. They said they wanted to wait for Sam’s friend.
I glanced up at the clock outside the ice cream shop.
I stared at it and said to the kids, “Maybe they forgot….” and as the words came out of my mouth I realized those were the very words that this mother must have told her son when Sam didn’t show up for his party.
I looked at the kids slack-jawed. “Oh…..my….God.”
“What mom? Do you think they’re coming?” Sam asked excitedly.
“Nope, they definitely are NOT coming, Sam.” I answered definitively.
And I was right. They never showed up.
I let the kids get their ice cream and go on the carousel a few times and then we headed home.
I checked my email and what do you know – I had a cheerful email saying that “We totally forgot! Hope we can reschedule!”
Oh we will reschedule all right.
We have set up a new date for next week, but two can play at this game.
I may or may not show up.
Now this could be my new favorite type of playdate…..the one that never happens!
CLEARLY I AM A VERY GOOD PERSON THAT SHOWERS STRANGE CHILDREN WITH GIFTS…PLEASE VOTE FOR ME BY CLICKING THE BANNER BELOW!! XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA