I can feel the fall coming.
Even though I am not mentally prepared for the end of summer….it’s unavoidable.
What can I do but succumb to the seasonal change? I have to just look for something positive in this….
So here are some reasons I am happy that the summer is over:
I DON’T HAVE TO BE A NURSE:
I mean I don’t recall thinking that when I allowed my husband to impregnate me that I would have to morph into a full-time nurse.
My children wear flip-flops all summer and ride bikes and scooters at warp speeds, often ending in disaster. They get into fights at the park, they get ear infections and swimmer’s ear, they stub their toes.
They get eaten and bitten by bugs and jellyfish, they get poison ivy. The amount of injuries and rashes are obscene and disgusting.
I now have a medical bag filled with various ointments, bandages and gauze wraps that would rival Florence Nightingale’s.
Yet I don’t really have the stomach for all of this.
I am ill-equipped for children that drive their bicycles at full-speed ahead into a stone wall…..
I also not prepared mentally for children that decide to go “crabbing in a creek” and come home the next day with a rash that is called impetigo. This is a rash that is the worst thing that you can ever find on WebMD. I won’t even show it here, because you will want to vomit. Like I do every day.
So, some pants, closed toed shoes and sitting safely at desks all day might actually be nice for a change.
I CAN STRIKE A POSE WITH HER MADGESTY:
Every few years, the most magical thing happens.
Madonna comes to town.
My cousin and I load up our arms with jelly bracelets and put on our Madonna concert t-shirts and enjoy the most amazing show in the world.
It’s no matter that the Material Girl is in her late fifties – and it’s no matter that we are just some suburban housewives out for a fun night….
I CAN GO ON A HEALTH KICK
Between day drinking on the Tropical Breeze, and the endless barbecues, the pounds start to creep up.
Harmless day drinking over fourth of July weekend out on the open sea, slowly turns into a nasty habit, and by August looks like this:
Before I know it – inevitably by Labor Day, I can barely button my pants.
Sometimes in the summer, we enjoy happy hour so much that we
forget to eat forget to feed our children enjoy a liquid dinner.
We eat ice cream and appetizers and fried clam dinners with reckless abandon.
After this weekend, Mr. Gaga and I are going to adhere to a strict diet of grilled chicken and water.
We will be super skinny and healthy before we know it.
I CAN PUT ON A BOOT AND A FLARE:
After wearing skimpy clothes for months, I kind of look forward to fall clothes.
As a child, I remember wearing new clothes on the first day of school. It wouldn’t matter that it was 80 degrees out, I would choose my favorite fall outfit that my mother had purchased for me.
Off I would go to school, wearing corduroys and a blazer, regardless of the stifling temperatures.
I still have this enthusiasm for fall clothing.
Also – as I was perusing my magazine on the beach I found out some exciting news.
The latest trends suggest I can throw out my leggings and my ballet flat and start wearing a flared jean with a heel. This is a look I very much enjoyed in college and am excited to do it again….
So what happens in the summer is, I lose interest in keeping the kids on lock-down.
We start off the summer well.
I totally know where they are. I feed them dinner and lunch. They are eating fresh vegetables and fruit, getting fresh air and vitamin D, and reading their books at night.
That all very quickly falls apart.
Before I know it, I am throwing hot dogs onto paper plates and they have forgotten how to spell their last names.
We have had a great summer at the beach, but now we are fat, (very tan) morons.
It’s time for me to buckle down as a mother and make them read and write and be upstanding members of society.
The beach has been good for our souls and our mental health but it’s time for a reality check…..
There’s 287 days until summer 2016!!! Please click the banner below to keep me in the running as the funniest mom in America!!