This week is Mercedes Benz Fashion Week in NYC.
All of the fabulous fashionistas are in town to ooh and aah over the latest fashion trends right off the runway.
I’m here to break it down for the regular folk…particularly the moms.
In the olden days before I was fat and tired – I would have very enthusiastically attempted some of these fun trends – but as a weathered mother – I have to be careful.
TREND #1 – OVER THE KNEE BOOT
So, post-Pretty Woman – I think we all kind of imagined that we could pull off this look and look sexy.
Sadly, unless you are in fact, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman – this probably isn’t going to work out as well as you hoped.
At the very least you should be approximately 20 years old.
But I think this is one trend definitely that most moms should skip.
This is not a look that would bode well at school pick-up.
Speaking of boots – I don’t want to admit this ….
but this infamously ugly, yet magically comfortable boot was missing from the NY runways.
I think we have run this thing into the ground.
Believe me when I tell you – nobody is more upset about this than me.
I lived in these things for the past five years and I often thought that God knew that I was pregnant and had babies and created this divine intervention to keep me fabulously sane. As a former fashionista – it allowed me comfort and style at the same time while I was in the trenches of lugging infant carriers to the library and preschool drop-off.
Yet – I think it’s time to let this go.
We cannot spend the rest of our lives wearing these hideous things.
And let’s be honest. You know when that cold day comes and you go to pull out your UGGS – they are not a fresh pristine pair. They have salt stains all over them, the fur is matted and dingy.
The boot that was fucking hideous when you got it fresh and sparkly out of the Nordstrom box, is now a beaten up piece of shit.
And some of you tried to spiff things up by buying the pair with the bows or the glitter or the sequins.
Let it go people.
2 – THE “ROMANTIC BLOUSE”
Things aren’t that “romantic” around here when I need to get dressed to go somewhere. It’s more like me trying things on and throwing them all over my room and asking Mr. Gaga if I look fat 500 times.
There’s a lot of cursing. There’s a lot of complaining that I need a better closet. There’s always that realization that my entire closet is a sea of black and that maybe I should shop outside of my comfort zone.
So this trend is just completely foreign to me….
I went to Marshalls on Friday night while the kids were at birthday parties and baseball practice – determined to try on blouses and find one that I liked.
Every single one I tried on was worse than the next.
I think this might work for some moms – but it really depends on your personality. I am not a romantic, flowy, flowery, kind of gal.
So every time I tried one on and looked in the mirror – this is what I saw:
So when I gave up on the pretty puffy blouses – I ventured around and was met with some alarming choices.
Apparently we are supposed to be wearing sweaters and button-down shirts like dudes. Not just a regular old gray knit from the Banana Republic.
We are meant to be wearing all sorts of plaids and prints I was so confused by the selection of shirts that I sent a quick text to a very chic personal stylist and shopper that I know…
But how does a mom wear these fashions without looking like a lunatic??
The plaid shirt that looks chic and fabulous on Kurt Cobain and Kylie Jenner -suddenly turned me into a trucker from the 80’s…
Each one I tried on seemed more ridiculous than the next – I am just not sure I am ready to go back into this 90’s grunge style….
A great solution to all of this is just to throw on jeans with some sort of navajo blanket or “tribal cape.”
I tried a bunch on and realized quickly that this is also not a trend for every woman.
What looks cute on Cindy Crawford rapidly turned me into Sacagawea about to go on an expedition.
If not a size 2 – this trend can make women look pregnant or homeless – so we have to tread lightly here too.
WHEN IN DOUBT – BLACK:
I finally gave up on trying to be cool.
I went back to my comfort zone.
I just know where I belong.
In a sea of black.
From head to toe.
HOPE AT THE VERY LEAST THIS POST HELPS YOU THROW THOSE UGGS IN THE GARBAGE!
XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA