All around America little children were crying this weekend, shitting their pants, and refusing to follow rules.
Was it the first day of preschool or lots of really bad playdates?
It was “Opening Day” of baseball of course!!!
This is the start of baseball season. A sport that is beloved by so many adults in the US that they sign their children up and drag them to a field weekly so that they can display bad behavior dressed up like Derek Jeter.
Mr. Gaga is a coach for Sam’s team of kindergarteners.
Most of them don’t know why they are there.
Most of them don’t listen.
Most of them are not capable of hitting or catching or running.
Saturday the little boy who was playing first base spent the entire game playing in the dirt around the base.
Mr. Gaga told him to stop.
The next time he looked the kid was back down on all fours rubbing dirt all over first base.
Mr. Gaga told him to get up.
The next batter came up to the plate, Mr. Gaga looked and the kid was making a sandcastle on the base.
He told him to stop making sandcastles.
The next time he looked…this is what he saw on first base.
When he looked over to see if the kid’s parents might mind that he was pretending to be at a beach instead of playing baseball he realized quickly there was no hope.
So then the next batter was up and Mr. Gaga didn’t bother with the first base kid.
The kid on the opposite team hit the ball and ran to first base.
This was major.
This kid must understand the game of baseball!
He must be decent at hitting AND running in the right direction!!
When he got to first base he stood on the base with pride.
Then he pissed his pants.
He stood there for a bit and then went to cry to his mother, but that part is not important.
What happened next was fascinating.
When the next batter got up and Mr. Gaga looked over at “sandcastle boy” he had mixed the urine puddle with the dirt to create a muddy texture perfect for sandcastle building.
Mr. Gaga didn’t bother trying to stop him and his parents were probably too busy playing Angry Birds to notice.
Finally Mr. Gaga did the right thing!!
He is WAY too nice to these
fat losers little baseball players and their asshole parents
Everyone in town should count their blessings that it is MR. and not MRS. Gaga that is the coach of this team of urine lovers.
Even the older kids still have some issues.
On Michael’s team of 8 YEAR OLD BOYS, every time one of the boys had to go on the field….HIS MOTHER HELD HIS HAND AND PHYSICALLY BROUGHT HIM OUT.
And there is still an awful lot of crying in baseball. There was crying because they didn’t want to play, crying because they were out, crying because they didn’t hit the ball, crying because they pissed their pants…..
And one last perk to all of this of course……Just like last season.
It’s a tie.
“If you had fun….you won.”
Can you believe this horse shit?
What will happen when all these little pissy pants kids have to face the world??
God forbid when they ever lose…they are in for a real shock.
Because in real life when you spend your entire lesson game rolling around in dirt and piss….
Well…..you get some sort of bacterial infection and you lose.