#1 – On weekends my children would go outside after breakfast and not come back until dinner. They would never bother me to tell me how hungry, thirsty, bored they are. And during this playtime, I wouldn’t really know where they were, I might have a vague idea of the vicinity, but that’s about it. This would be fine and I wouldn’t worry about sexual predators or the guy across the street that waters his telephone pole every morning.
#2 –In the afternoon/evening my kids could watch Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, and Electric Company, back-to-back every day (that’s 2 ½ hours people!!) and I would have zero guilt or worry that they were going to be stupid or violent or fat. I would just make dinner and talk on the phone the whole time.
#3 – I would never have to attend or host a playdate. My kids would play with whoever lived on their street. Even if it was someone they would never ordinarily be friends with, or someone weird or annoying like Fran Drescher’s kids, too bad. They would just play with who was available and make it work.
#4 – Plus even if someone asked me for a playdate, I wouldn’t be available because I would have lunch and then from 1-3 I would have to watch Days of Our Lives and Another World. Then I would have to take a nap. Also – my husband wouldn’t be available because he and all the husbands I know would be at work (out of the house.) There would be no chance that a Dad would show up for a playdate or birthday party.
#5 – I could put all of the cereal in the lowest cabinet in the kitchen and teach my kids how to fend for themselves, so I could sleep in the morning while they get themselves dressed, get breakfast, MAKE THEIR OWN LUNCH! and get ready for school. And if they aren’t disciplined enough to do this and miss the bus, they
could walk or ride their bike to school to learn a lesson.
#6 –I wouldn’t spend 5 minutes every time I got into a vehicle, strapping people into various boosters and car seats like they were preparing for a space shuttle mission. They would sit (or stand) in the backseat with no seatbelt. For a special treat, (if we weren’t in the Blue Ford Hornet that had doors that blew open when you turned a corner) I would even let them sit in the front passenger seat.
#7– While in this vehicle I could smoke cigarettes with the windows closed using my built-in ash-tray and listen to whatever I wanted to on the radio. It might be the oldies station, Imus in the Morning, or Howard Stern but the thought would never cross my mind to drive around town listening to the Imagination Movers or Big Time Rush.
#8 – Also, if I needed to stop for my daily milk and cigarettes, I would just park the car and run into the store and leave my kids in the
second-hand smoke bomb car. Or if it was my mother-in-law’s motherhood, I wouldn’t even leave my house. I would just give my kid $5 and send him on foot to the nearest convenience store with a note that said “Please give my son a gallon of milk and a pack of Marlboro 100’s.”
#9 – When I needed a babysitter, I could just leave my children
with their 85-year-old great-grandmother who was A – off the boat from Italy and doesn’t speak a lick of English and B- could only walk with a walker. I would just keep my fingers crossed that nothing bad happened that would require an adult to contact the authorities( requiring use of the English language.) Also, hope that if the kids did something wrong like run baths for their Cabbage Patch Dolls and leave the water running for so long that it’s pouring through the downstairs ceiling, she will stop watching church and doing the rosary long enough to notice.
#10 – I would have given birth at an appropriate age so that when I had a child in kindergarten, instead of being a fat , weathered 35 year-old, I would be a young, skinny and vibrant 27-year-old with my whole life ahead of me. I wouldn’t have gray hair yet, or saggy boobs or fat stomach, so I think I would be in a much better mood!
Oh well, that was motherhood in the 1970’s. Can you think of a way that your motherhood is different from your moms’? Let’s hear it – Leave me a comment!!
Happy Mother’s Day!!
Lady Goo Goo Gaga
I linked up with Adventures in Mommyhood for
Reposted for MAMA KAT!