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Women in Prison

Last week was a great week for Lady Goo Goo Gaga!!! Everybody was loving my letter to Beyonce! (except for a couple of Beyonce stalkers  fans that wrote some interesting comments the past couple of days…) – thanks for all the facebook sharing!!

So – our lives were turned upside-down by a “winter storm” in October, and it seems like as a reward,  we have been snow-free since!

Until this week.

We can’t complain though.  This snow-free winter has been an amazing gift for all of us in New England – but especially mothers! 

I spent many a cold winter’s day stuck in the house with two feisty, bored little boys.  I would start to lose my mind – slowly but surely.   When I couldn’t take it anymore I would bundle them up and bring them somewhere….anywhere….(library, gym daycare, dunkin’ donuts) to break up the day.  At which point, at least one child would promptly get a cold or the stomach bug sending me straight back to jail being housebound for at least a solid week.

Staying home, caring for two small boys, 18 months apart, (without watching more than the 20 minutes of television allotted by the assholes at the American Academy of Pediatrics) can be maddening.

I remember some days one of them would wake up at like 5 am instead of 6 am and I would want to die.  Another cold, dark hour to contend with in an already endless day.

God forbid when one of them wouldn’t nap. 

I would watch the clock like I doing cold, hard time in a high security prison.  The sound of Mr. Gaga coming home was music to my ears.  Sometimes we would cross paths; as he was coming in – I would be running out the door for my life.

If he let me out for even an hour - it was such a help.....

 Why am I telling you all of this?

Because it is important for mothers to stay sane.

It is important for mothers to keep their wits about them.

Remember the “moms club” I joined that offers a community email forum where moms can get answers to tough questions or referrals or references for services and programs?

Remember how I told you that people ask ridiculous questions all day long and I can’t stand it?

Well – I can only think that some mothers spend all their time alone with their children and they start to lose it.

They just aren’t staying sharp…..

They just can’t think on their toes……

How else could I explain this question that was posted:


From: Cathy

Subject: [MOMS] Thick socks

Kind of a silly question but I am looking for thick, warm socks for my  3-year-old.  Perhaps wool, I am not sure.


Cathy – you aren’t thinking clearly.  Snap out of it!!!  Try to think very hard and see if you can come up with an answer yourself….

Please come up with an answer yourself??

Ok – first of all we live in New England!!! I could see if this was like Hawaii or something. 

Also – please let me mention the local retailers that have “thick, warm socks” – REI, Cabela’s, Marshalls, Target, TJ Maxx, Nordstrom, Macy’s, Lord and Taylor, JCPenney, Old Navy to name just a FEW of the stores IN TOWN!!!

If you cannot figure this out  – I am very concerned for your sanity!!!!

Or this equally disturbing question:

From: Liz

Subject: [MOMS] Hangers

Ok fellow consigners, any ideas on where to get the cheapest hangers?


I am speechless.

They come free at the cleaners.

I mean – I don’t really know what else to say.

I understand that it can be very frustrating when one cannot find hangers.   The worst is when you can’t find the right TYPE of hanger.  That could send anyone over the edge. 

But you people need to PROBLEM SOLVE!!!!!

When I found a closet full of WIRE hangers - I went completely nuts and on my way to the mental institution I dropped them all off at Liz's house......

Please, please, please – for your own well-being and for the well-being of others receiving your emails and the well-being of your children –






Anything you can possibly do to stay sharp – do it.

If we cannot, as mothers, maintain our sanity then everybody is completely screwed.

We are in charge of the safety and well-being of our children and sometimes our significant other.  We need to keep our wits about us!

Consider this a public service announcement for mothers who are home losing their minds.

If you no longer know how to access a sock or a hanger – trouble lies ahead my friend.

I don’t want any phone calls or emails this week asking me if I made up those questions!! IT IS FOR REAL!!!  Since I have to endure these emails in order to share them with you – can you at least click the banner below?? Thanks!!! Ladygoogoogaga


Italians Do it Better

Italians Do it Better

I grew up surrounded by Italian people.  If you drove through my hometown it basically went like this; Dunkin Donuts, pizza, tanning salon, nail salon, Dunkin Donuts, pizza, tanning salon, nail salon, etc. etc. 

There were a lot of inappropriate lions at the end of driveways and many of my classmates spoke fluent Italian at home.  I’m not kidding when I tell you that, for example, these lions….

Would be placed in front of a house like this:

I am 1/2 Italian and 1/2 Irish, but really just sooo Italian that people don’t even believe me when I tell them I’m Irish – which is fine by me.  My husband is also half and half – but much more Irish. 

So what do you know – we have one fair-skinned child that says he can’t eat pepperoni because it “spices up his mouth,” and one that was born with a moustache and would eat pepperoni for breakfast if we let him.  (Is it weird that I measure things in pepperoni?)

I went to school in NY and my college roommate was so Italian she made me look like Howdy Doody – and even though my husband acts Irish – he at least has a nice Italian last name – so I think I must have thought there would be Italian people everywhere I went.  Oh how wrong I was…..

Now here I am, a Connecticut housewife in this town, a land of Lily Pulitzer-wearing, lacrosse playing, no make-up wearing, pasty-skinned, no hair-product using, do you see where this is going??


I mean none.

There are approximately 65,000 people in this town and do you know how many tanning salons there are?


Do you know how many lions there are?


There are two good pizza places out of 17 to choose from, and I have witnessed first hand on two separate occasions, people serving PIZZA HUT (gasp) to people at a birthday party.  Like it’s acceptable food! Like we don’t live in the Tri-State area! Like we live in Wisconsin and we have to eat cardboard instead of real food!!

WTF? This crust is bigger than my house. Madonna could sustain Malawi with just this one piece of crust.......and what looks like some craisins, purple onions and one mushroom???

Three times, making small talk about what to make for dinner with random moms, I mentioned frying up cutlets and they said “What are cutlets?”



Cutlets are what we make when we don’t feel like being creative.  What you make when you are too tired to do anything but dip chicken in egg and breadcrumbs and throw it in a frying pan.  Is it really possible that you don’t know what that is? If so – I don’t want to be your friend.

Food is a very important part of our life.  It’s all we talk about, it’s all we think about.  It’s what we look forward to, it’s why we love holidays, it’s how we figure out how much to give you at your wedding.

I try to stress the importance of good food to my kids.  I try to point out foods that are unacceptable, and make them try almost everything.  Before our “Sopranos-style” Sunday dinners with friends and cousins – they will help my husband make the meatballs and enjoy heaping piles of macaroni with sausage and tons of grated cheese.

When my Irish child went to kindergarten he was allowed to buy pizza on Fridays.  The second Friday – he came home starving.

“It wasn’t pizza today – it was pizza dippers.” he said with disgust.

“So what – it’s a breadstick and you dip it in sauce…that’s good,” I said.

“Yeah – but I couldn’t eat the sauce – because Italian people didn’t make it,” he said matter-of-factly.

I was so proud. My hard work in the kitchen was paying off!

But we hit a small snag last week when he told me that he was in love with a girl in his class (we will call her Irish McIrish.) 

“Michael – you don’t even know what “in love” means – it means that you love her so much that you want to marry her…”

He pondered this and said, “Well I would kiss her hand and I would marry her.”

“Well, that’s fine – but just a heads up – she’s Irish.”

“So what? I don’t care!” he said.

“Well you will care when it’s dinnertime,” I said, “But that’s ok – I will bring you dinner every night,” I joked.

He considered this quietly.  He sat straight up suddenly.

“No wait Mom! I have a great idea!  I’m Italian! I can cook the dinners!!”

OMG – How proud could an Italian mom be of her first-born son?

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