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Caillou…The Silent Killer


Before kids, I remember parents complaining about Barney and the Wiggles regularly.  I never once turned on Barney for my kids for fear that I would have to listen to and look at that purple beast.

The Wiggles didn’t really bother me and as soon as I realized that they put my children into a trance, I put them on all the time.

Before we knew it – we all knew every dance move and every song lyric.  Mr. Gaga and I even rocked out and sang every song took the kids to two Wiggles Concerts.  It was around this time that I had two little babies that needed my constant attention.  The 22 minutes of peace that I had sitting on the couch in a vegetative state while they sang “Fruit Salad,” was the highlight of my day.

I remember too – that there was an episode on at 6:30 am and I would sometimes sit with my coffee riddled with exhaustion and actually think that Captain Feathersword was hot.  It could have been lack of sleep or lack of adult interaction, either way those Wiggles brought me a lot of joy.

After I asked Mr. Gaga to come to bed wearing a Captain Feathersword outfit - he banned me from watching...

After I asked Mr. Gaga to come to bed wearing a Captain Feathersword outfit – he banned me from watching…

I actually was a bit sad to see them go  – only to be replaced by new weird 2013 Wiggles.

Really? A Wiggle-ette? No...I'm not tuning in for this shit....

Really? A Wiggle-ette? No…I’m not tuning in for this shit….

Recently a friend was complaining about her kids watching Caillou.  I had a flashback to never ending afternoons with a baby and a preschooler.

It seems so long ago that I spent my afternoons making grilled cheese sandwiches while that annoying whiney brat Caillou droned on in the background.

“How come you didn’t warn me?” She asked in despair.

How come I didn’t warn her? I am not sure – but with that I realized that I really should warn people about this menace to society.

After preschool or whatever morning activity we had – we would come home for lunch and Caillou was always on.  It seemed harmless, so I would let the kids watch.

I did initially find the characters offensive due to their lack of style and the fact that poor Caillou had a clear case of alopecia that needed addressing – but I figured it couldn’t be too bad.

I am sure at some point he is going to notice that he is the only bald one and demand a wig....

I am sure at some point he is going to notice that he is the only bald one and demand a wig….

Episode by episode it became increasingly clear that this son of a bitch was a whining, rude little brat.  His parents don’t ever reprimand him for his wretched behavior because his family consists of an extremely medicated mother and a hippie Dad that doesn’t comb his hair and wears oversized Christmas turtlenecks everyday.

Do these people own mirrors??  If they are going to wear seasonaly inappropriate turtlenecks and not push up their headbands properly - can they at least match their clothes???

Do these people own mirrors?? If they are going to wear seasonally inappropriate turtlenecks and not push up their headbands properly – can they at least match their clothes???

As if their looks aren’t offensive enough, Caillou wanders through life complaining and demanding things.  You will notice that if your children watch this show – they actually learn step by step how to be a brat and how to throw tantrums.

This episode shows Caillou having a tantrum because he wants to go to the circus "RIGHT NOW!" Several children I know immediately started to throw tantrums "Caillou-style" after watching this...

This episode shows Caillou having a tantrum because he wants to go to the circus “RIGHT NOW!” Several children I know immediately started to throw tantrums “Caillou-style” after watching this…

It would take all my mental strength to get through the day with two little boys and their live crying and whining, Caillou’s whines and cries would go right through me and make me want to jump off the nearest cliff.

Thank you so much show creator Hélène Desputeaux for introducing this spoiled,  annoying person into our lives.  It’s not enough that we have to navigate the news and Annie and Bambi  without incident – not to mention the real live children that we have to interact with daily that are complete jerks, and their real live parents that look like Steven Keaton.  

Wouldn’t it be nice to have some pleasant afternoon programming for our children that is not filled with bald assholes?

New parents – consider yourself warned.

Do not turn on Caillou under any circumstance, even a Wiggle-ette will probably be better.

I asked Mr. Gaga to proofread this post.  He finished reading and looked up and said “What’s your point? You are just ripping on Caillou this week for no reason?”

Yes Mr. Gaga – yes I am.

Please share on FACEBOOK if you have ever experienced the TORTURES of CAILLOU and his stupid cat Gilbert and his medicated, turtleneck loving family!

XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

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