The end of summer is coming.
I can smell it in the air. As my favorite season threatens to come to a close, I find myself waking earlier than I should each morning in a panic. I have begun to think about the start of school and I have started to worry about things that I haven’t worried about since June.
I have one more week of freedom so I am going to FORCE myself to continue to enjoy the summer and to ignore those worries that are starting to creep into my subconscious. I will ignore the mental list I have begun to make regarding school supplies, after school activities and birthday parties that I need to RSVP for.
In order to preserve my mental health I am going to continue to enjoy all of the stuff that I have been loving and obsessing over this summer which include but are not limited to the following:
#1 The Ice Bucket Challenge: – This is just sheer genius. The National ALS Foundation stated that it has raised ten million dollars in the past two weeks!!! It’s fun and it’s for a good cause.
Also, as a side note those people whose pictures you stalk on Facebook have now come to life. Now you can watch and hear someone who you haven’t seen in twenty-five years. You can listen to their voice and watch them interact with their kids and most of all you can watch them get drenched with ice water. What is not to love about this?
#2 – Paddle Board – I desperately wanted to get a paddleboard
for myself so I could pretend I was Cameron Diaz for the kids. My father surprised us for Christmas with one and it is the best beach activity ever. It provides endless fun for the children and even though in my mind I look like a svelte celebrity straight out of the pages of US Weekly, in fact I look like this – most of the time:
I don’t really care. I love it.
#3 – Summer reading: Is there anything better than getting off of your paddle board and plopping down into your beach chair and reading books about people in beach houses and summer homes filled with scandal?? No there’s not.
These two books brought me great joy this summer:
#4 – Game of Crowns: After a long day of ignoring my children, pretending I am a celebrity paddle boarding in Maui, and reading about imaginary people in their summer homes, I just really need something relaxing at night. This is why I have been thoroughly enjoying the new show on Bravo, Game of Crowns.
This show features married women who compete in pageants. One of the stars of the show is the former Mrs. Connecticut and Mrs. America.
I like to watch this show and imagine what I would do if I was Mrs. America or Mrs. Connecticut.
The real Mrs. America is very sweet and down-to-earth and is a mother to four children.
I wouldn’t love doing those pageants.
I wouldn’t love not eating anything so I could fit into my swimsuit.
I wouldn’t love being friends with other lunatic pageant women.
What I would love is just announcing to people that I was Mrs. America.
If Mr. Gaga asked me if I washed his underwear, I could just say “No – sorry – I am Mrs. America and Mrs. America doesn’t do laundry.”
Moms who call for playdates would be told that “Because I am Mrs. America I really don’t have time for playdates.”
Birthday party invites could go directly in the garbage…”Sorry – since I am Mrs. America I have very important work to do on Saturdays and Sundays for America and my kids will be with me…”
Even when my own kids asked me for shit I could say “Do you know who I am?? I am MRS. AMERICA!” Go outside and don’t come back until dinner time.”
Those baseball games that I don’t watch. Nobody could accuse me of being a bad mother because I would simply explain to them that as MRS. AMERICA I had very important America stuff to do that required me to miss the games completely.
Oh it would be glorious.
#5 – Baked Potato Salad and Grilled Cheese:
When I’m not reading, fantasizing about pageants, or floating out to sea on the paddleboard, I am generally drinking alcoholic beverages or eating food. This summer we have made lots of delicious foods but a couple of dishes have stood out.
This potato salad is made with baked potatoes, chives, sour cream, cheddar cheese and bacon.
I mean I don’t know what else I can say about it except that it is basically heaven on a fork (and I don’t even like potatoes.)
And then there’s this tomato, basil and mozzarella grilled cheese that I have made like three times this summer….I mean I just can’t get enough.
And then there’s the s’mores brownies….
These recipes can otherwise be known as “Reasons why I am NOT Mrs. America” – but I am going to continue this life of bliss and peace for one more week……
PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME – EVEN IF I AM NOT THE REAL MRS. AMERICA I AM AT LEAST THE FUNNIEST! MOM IN AMERICA
XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA