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Stopping to Smell the Tropical Breeze

During the school-year I get caught up with what’s happening in Goopville.

I find myself signing up for $20 spinning classes because I’m fat and desperate 

it’s the trendy thing…

I lust for new Louis Vuitton bags because it’s very durable and a good investment  I just want a new one…

There's never enough...

There’s never enough…

I go back and forth between being determined to work hard so that I can have a million pocketbooks and things and just coming home at night, enjoying time with my children and husband, drinking too much wine, and saying “fuck it.”

tina wine

And then I worry about if the schools are good enough – Should I be saving for private schools?

Should I work more and save one million dollars for fancy colleges for my kids?  Should I get a fancy car? More Botox? Fillers???

Something I have never really mentioned much on this blog is that our neighborhood is very flawed….Our neighbors are insane and the demographic is not what I would like it to be – (which is old Italian women frying up chicken cutlets.) That demo is hard to find – but the one we have is FAR away from that….. So I think it would be nice to move – into a new house – with more room that is away from these wretched neighbors.

I spend a lot of time thinking about my fat stomach that’s stretched out and fat from these horrible children.  I spend a lot of fruitless hours  hours carefully calculated to burn off the wine  

time that could be spent doing other things, spinning, running, ellipticalling, and other fucking bullshit that doesn’t make me skinny or happy.

Probably because I then go home and eat pizza and drink wine -but still.

It’s depressing.

So then I dwell on the fact that I am fat and wish that I could get liposuction….and that’s probably not great.

And I also dream about a beach house, a condo in Florida, a penthouse in New York city, plastic surgery, diamonds….

So what’s my point??

In the summer – everything changes.

I don’t want to work.

I want to be basking in the sunshine.

I want to be drinking a Corona outdoors with a sea breeze hitting my face.

I want to be with my kids, on the beach.

I want to sit in a beach chair and read my book for an hour or two straight and then jump into salty cold water when I get hot.

I don’t care if I wear rags.

I would take an outdoor shower for the rest of my life.

I barely wash my face, and all of my luxurious and expensive creams and makeups start to collect dust.

Because in the summer – I have the luxury of being at the beach and I realize what true happiness is….

It’s watching my children play DODGEBALL on the beach!! Like in the olden days – just children enjoying a game with a ball!!  When they came home this night – I said – “Did anyone cry when they got hit with a ball?” And they said ……



This looks fake – but it’s actually from 2015…And my heart soared when I saw this.

And then this past week my family celebrated our family tradition of Christmas Eve in July.  My aunt visits from Baltimore every summer and she brings with her a sauce-splattered recipe card from my deceased Italian grandmother.  It holds the sacred recipe of her Lobster Fra Diavlo sauce that she would make every Christmas Eve when we were growing up.

She makes this sauce every July 24th and we eat like beasts with reckless disregard for our waistlines – like good Italians.

If it was February – I would feel guilty about being fat and eating lots of carbs…..

But fuck that shit….


Eating my grandmother’s Christmas Eve sauce is the ultimate in happiness for me.

And just when I was starting to find the true meaning of happiness and throwing all of my Louis Vuitton bags into the fire….

My friend invited me to go on her float.

Yes…it’s essentially a large inflatable raft.  She said – “It’s huge! And we can just float on the water for hours!”

Sounds good to me….

It’s called a “Tropical Breeze.”

tropical breeze

There she is….

We had a great plan to float on the water – and we decided that since there was a built-in cooler in the middle of this heavenly float – it only made sense to have a happy hour.

“I think we should have cheese and crackers,” my friend suggested.

A bunch of us agreed, and we met at the shoreline and piled my son’s boogie board high with alcoholic beverages, cheese and crackers, olives, chips and dips.  We pushed the food and drinks carefully out into the ocean and then hopped on top of the delightful float.

We tied the float up to a buoy rope and floated in the sun.

We gazed at the shoreline at all of the people on the beach and said aloud several times while we ate cheese and drank vodka, “Everyone is so jealous of us right now…”

We had our phones for selfies and music….and people would swim up to us like we were on a yacht and ask if they could join our party….


It was in this blissful moment in the sun, that I had an epiphany.

“I am so happy right now!” I announced.

Everyone sighed in agreement,

“This is what real happiness is!  I don’t think that I own one Louis Vuitton bag that has brought me as much happiness as this Tropical Breeze has brought me!”

Everyone laughed and agreed.

Happiness is a tropical breeze, figuratively and literally.

If only I could remember this in the winter….


Yup – that’s a Mike’s Hard Strawberry Lemonade in my crotch…..

I have to just remember what’s important –

I have to remember that life with pasta and vodka and salt air is what truly makes my heart soar and I cannot let myself be swayed by winter confusions…..

I am going to work on this – and I am telling all of you so you can keep me honest.





pasta alcohol




4 responses »

  1. Pingback: Worst Week Ever | Lady Goo Goo Gaga

  2. Looked like fun when I swam by. Glad Aidan got a chance to come aboard!

  3. Um, yeah, I don’t think you should write about how “fat” you are anymore!

  4. WowYou Look Beautiful and PRetty In a Bikini and YOu HAve The Prettyiest Belly Button and Beautiful Toes and Sexy Legs as well. and You Are Special as well.and all of the prettyiest women In thier Beautiful Bikinis and Baithing Suits as well. I Would Love to hang Out with You Lovely LAdies as well. You Look Lovely as well. You Have The Prettyiest Belly Button and you look beautiful and pretty in a black Bikini With Mike’s HArd Lemonande Between You’re LEgs That Is Sexy. I’ll Join You Lovely LAdies as well.


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