There are many things about modern-day motherhood that I don’t enjoy.
I started this blog because I was sick of everyone pretending that everything about having a baby was all rosy and delightful. I was sick of seeing mothers post how “blessed” they were every two seconds on Facebook.
I was sick of people saying “I love being pregnant!” and “I gave birth in my bathtub and it was amazing!”
When women get pregnant for the first time they feel very pressured to enjoy all of the maternal joys of pregnancy, and go into this whole motherhood thing expecting an instant bond with their baby and a feeling of bliss. When that doesn’t happen – they feel like failures and often spiral into a deep depression.
I blame all of those twats who never mention anything truthful for this. They don’t want to mention anything unpleasant for fear of admitting to us and themselves that they are not perfect.
Now in a new twist of horror – these unknowing mothers-to-be are so excited! to be having a baby! that they are doing photoshoots, cards, and social media announcements to let the world know about the gender of their child.
This momentous occasion that used to just be an ultrasound tech telling you whether they saw a dick or not at your check-up is now dubbed the “gender reveal.”
I really cannot tell you how I want to murder these idiots.
First of all, I just look at them and think -“These morons have no clue what they are in for.”
Instead of doing some assholic photoshoot they should be enjoying their baby-free days. These poor people don’t understand the value of a little something called “FREE TIME.”
You have time to take pictures holding pink balloons and pretending that your husband is pregnant?
How about you run for your life to the mall – a place that you will never go to again without a stroller and a screaming child.
Or how about a little something called a nap? Because you can pretty much kiss those goodbye for approximately 18 years.
Nope, these jerk-offs will just waste money and time hiring fancy photographers to capture this special announcement in all types of clever ways.
Look at these two asshats….
And what is up with these husbands? Why are they going along with this? Does the guy in the pinata picture have a bandana on around his neck?? Mr. Gaga saw this and said “That guy should forget the photoshoots and try to have some sex…because he’s not going to have any of that for a while….”
It is all very absurd and embarrassing -but on top of that, it’s an all-time low for narcissists.
I mean do people think that we care that much about the gender of their baby??
The nerve of them.
Filling up my Facebook feed and my mailbox with this bullshit!!
Do you think that because you are having a newborn child that has the necessary chromosomal makeup to make him a male – that warrants you gluing a huge brown mustache to your walls?
To top it off you shall stand next to said “wall mustache” holding a little stick with a little miniature black mustache on it – placed over your belly carefully implying that your newborn baby is such a male that he has a mustache??
Get a fucking hold of yourselves people.
Some of this stuff is just plain offensive. I mean it’s actually a small newborn innocent child and I am sure he or she would not the world talking about his or her privates.
And then there’s the masochists. These people just have no clue how torturous their life will be so they do stupid shit that makes a huge mess. Little do they know they will not have clean clothing or surfaces of any kind for years to come. They don’t know that they will be on their hands and knees scrubbing floors and tubs and wiping up vomit and diarrhea everyday – so they think they are very hip and cute when they destroy their clothing with a special photo session called a “gender reveal paint fight.”
During this photo sesh – the couple throw paint at each other in the color depicting the gender of the baby while the photographer clicks away – capturing this special moment.
Look at these two dicks…
For the love of Jesus – what the fuck is wrong with everyone? Has everyone just lost their minds entirely?
I just cannot imagine telling Mr. Gaga that I was going to go in the back yard and douse him with paint while I paid a photographer to take his picture. After splattering his face with paint – I would rub my huge pasty fat body on him and then request that he put his hands into the shape of a heart on my belly. And then SURPRISE! GENDER REVEAL! I would post the pictures on Facebook for all of the world to see.
That would be called in the Gaga household a little event called “DIVORCE PAPERS REVEAL.”
I cannot urge you pregnant social media mavens enough. Put down the paintbrushes and the pinata sticks and the cameras.
Enjoy your pregnancy as much as possible. Do not waste ANY time!!
In a few short months – life as you know it will be forever changed, and you will look back and wish that you had that hour back that you spent splattering your husband with paint.
Go to the movies.
Get a massage.
Go to dinner.
Take a long walk.
Anything is better than posting on Facebook an embarrassing picture of you and your significant other.
IF YOU HAVE COUNTLESS HOURS TO KILL GET ANOTHER JOB OR DONATE YOUR TIME TO A LOCAL CHARITY – ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN THROWING SHIT AT YOUR HUSBAND AND TAKING PICTURES OF IT….CLICK THE LINK BELOW PLEASE!! XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA