I remember my parents watching the evening news and I had no clue what Dan Rather was talking about. The news was filled with news about foreign countries, wars, and legitimate domestic concerns.
At some point in recent years there’s very little separating TMZ from the Nightly News and its a bit disconcerting. (Not that I’m complaining because I would pick TMZ over real news any day.) But still!!!
This week there were a few news items that got top billing that just simply should not be news.
#1 – It’s cold outside.
Really?? History has proven and any Farmer’s Almanac will continue to show that in the “winter” months it gets all “wintery” and cold air blows around and makes the air feel cold. And then people go out into the cold air and they exclaim “It’s so cold!”
Actually what I hear most often is “I can’t believe how cold it is!!”
Why? Why can’t you believe it? WE LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND!! NOT BRAZIL OR ANY PLACE THAT WOULD MAKE YOU NOT BELIEVE IN COLD WEATHER!
When will this stop being news?
Every news report I heard this week prefaced the weather info with “It’s not actually a “Polar Vortex” but it sure feels like it!! It’s very, very cold!!”
#2 – Justin Beiber makes bad choices:
Why the hell do we build people up and scream their name and go crazy for them and then the minute they make a mistake we tear them to shreds?
He’s a kid whose mother sold him down the YouTube River. He’s had too much fame and money too soon in life and he’s bound to make some bad choices given the lack of parenting and guidance.
When I was a little bit younger than him I actually dated a guy that had a canary yellow Trans AM that was so loud and sparkled so bright yellow. I thought I was the coolest guidette ever in that car. If someone offered me a yellow Lamborghini for free you bet your freaking ass I would have hopped in that car so fast and floored it.
Who of you can honestly say that you wouldn’t do the same??
fucking loser who wishes he was Justin Beiber instead of a DJ in HARTFORD CT, announced on the radio it was National “Dislike Justin Beiber on Facebook” day. Really??
I am so not down with making ourselves feel better by tearing down young heart-throbs.
I’m a Belieber.
You should be too.
#3 – Soda is bad.
You know I have been shocked by America’s disregard for healthy beverage choices in Disney World. But in general I just cannot believe that people down “diet brown liquids” with no regard for their health and safety.
This is not news.
It’s upsetting to me that Americans find this information to be late-breaking news.
Attention fat Americans: drinking diet soda is a death wish!!!!
#4 -Sesame Street characters are not making healthy choices:
This was all over the news this week – the Sesame Street characters are going to have to make better choices.
Somebody decided that it was the Sesame Street characters who were making our American children fat and stupid.
Here we have Oscar the Grouch. He is perpetually rude to people, generally unpleasant, eats actual garbage and lives in a garbage can.
Then we have Ernie and Bert who basically are the most lethargic gay people who could ever meet. They lie around watching birds or playing chess all day, and then spend the rest of the day chatting in bed. They literally don’t do any work or anything productive…..ever.
No wonder Ernie is a little hefty, (Bert must be genetically blessed.)
Also, it would be nice if someone would tell this lazy piece of shit that horizontal stripes are not his friend.
And in a press release Sesame Street stated that in the new programming focused on modeling healthy behaviors for children “Bert and Ernie jump rope and munch apples and carrots, and Cookie Monster has his namesake treat once a week, not every day.”
Oh you mean Cookie Monster is going to eat one cookie a week?? OK well that’s called a “Blue guy that eats a cookie once a week” – not a “Cookie Monster” by any stretch.
Maybe he can be called a “Recovering Cookie Addict Guy” or “The Monster formally known as Cookie.”
I will admit – even I am surprised that it took us this long to complain about the bad Sesame behaviors. I think that we were snowed by how cute Elmo is that we overlooked some of these very unhealthy characters.
Thank God, the Sesame people realized the error of their ways.
In closing – I am hoping for some news next week that actually is surprising and news-worthy.
Don’t tell me the winter is cold or that Cookie Monster is a fat asshole.
These are not news items.
It’s common knowledge.
WAKE UP AMERICA!!!
SODA IS BAD AND EVIL!! CLICK THE BANNER BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME AS THE FUNNIEST MOM IN AMERICA!! XO, lady goo goo gaga