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Putting the cart before the rest of us….

Well, well, well….

Remember when I posted the following, (after I went to Disney World) and many of you blasted me with hate emails????

Well, I hate to say it, but by the size of the humans that were walking around, zipping around on motorized carts, in Disney World, …. Everywhere we went we were met with hoards of overweight people with Mickey Mouse ears on and fanny packs strapped onto their motorized carts.

This is a very common scene...tremendously large humans with Mickey Mouse ears on with huge sodas....
This is a very common scene…tremendously large humans with Mickey Mouse ears on with huge sodas….These people only left their carts so they could get a good seat for the parade.

“I’m sorry did I miss the episode of the Mickey Mouse Club when Mickey announced he loved fat people and soda?” I asked Mr. Gaga. “I don’t get it.” I said to Mr. Gaga as we were making our way through the crowds of obese people.

“Well they are fat because they drink soda and the fact that they are so fat and lazy that they can’t walk doesn’t help,” he pointed out. I looked around and realized at the moment that about half of the people in the park were driving carts and half were walking. “Oh my God!” I exclaimed, “I thought everyone was injured!” Mr. Gaga stared at me like I was an idiot.

When I looked a little closer I realized nobody even had a band-aid on, let alone anything that indicated a real injury!!
When I looked a little closer I realized nobody even had a band-aid on, let alone anything that indicated a real injury!!

After a few days in the Magic Kingdom we made our way to Epcot Center. “Hey did you notice there aren’t any motorized carts here?” Mr. Gaga pointed out. “Oh yeah…I wonder why?” I said as I looked over the map of the Epcot. “Oh!! I bet we will see them in “America!”

After enjoying music, culture and food in Japan, France, Italy and Mexico I was afraid to see what “America” had to offer.

“It’s just going to be big enormous people laying on couches everywhere eating McDonalds and drinking huge sodas.” I said to Mr. Gaga as we made our way.

“Or enormous children playing video games,” Mr. Gaga offered.

We were pleasantly surprised that neither of those features were the focus of the America showcase in Epcot.

Thank God….it would be totally embarrassing if the world found out the truth about us.

It’s best to keep this little soda problem a secret between you, me, Mickey Mouse and Mayor Bloomberg.

Well it looks like even OLD MICKEY MOUSE HIMSELF recognized that these motorized carters were imposters!!

Pretending that they can’t walk so they can zip to the front of every line!!!!!

The jig is up motorized cart people.

The jig is up.

Disney World issued a statement this week that they would modify the rules that allowed everyone who is in a motorized cart to just zip in front of the 500 people who have waited in the hot sweaty lines for 2 hours.

While it is important to allow special needs children to get in front of the line – because clearly it is a priority for them – it is NOT a priority for people who abuse the system.

Funny enough – we chose this week to go to the BIG E – which is basically a the ultimate in New England fairs.  It’s much dirtier than Disney, and much less rides and much trashier food.

Also – there’s no mouse – so they make do with whatever white trash mascot they can think of.  Here – the kids begged me to play a game where they would win – what appears to be a banana that is a Rastafarian??


Also – this fair is pretty big – but not nearly as big as Disney, so there aren’t as many motorized carts.

But I did take some time to actually observe the motorized carters when I saw them.

I noticed one couple had filled the basket in front of their cart with cigarettes, lighters and fried doughs.

The irony was not lost on me.

The main point of this fair is to eat ungodly things that no human should ever eat –

I kicked it off with fried pickles….


Remember when I blogged about Mr. Gaga’s Irish tendencies??

Well Mr. Gaga took it one step further by ordering this…..


This is called “fried shephard’s pie” …smothered with gravy….
Yes. It’s true.

So then it was time to feed the kids.

Usual requests include burgers and pizza.

“I want one of those.” Michael said pointing to a food stand.

“Are you sure? You have never had one… might not like it.”

“I want one.” he said positively.

“Ok.” I answered hesitantly.

It was my first time too and it was fucking delicious.


While we were on a roll with the white trash foods – I took a gamble and decided we should try one of the Big E specialties.

It’s called the Craz-E burger.

If you guessed that this was a bacon cheeseburger placed gently in between two glazed doughnuts, then you would be correct....

If you guessed that this was a bacon cheeseburger placed gently in between two glazed doughnuts, then you would be correct….

I have to say – it was pretty good!!

Now does anyone know where I can buy a motorized cart??




16 responses »

  1. I gained 9 pounds reading this. Can you get a motorized cart with a sidecar for me?

  2. That corn dog is….well…obscene on any number of levels. Just sayin’.

    BTW, I’m a new reader of your blog. I laugh for hours and hours after reading your work. Thank you. Really. THANK YOU!

  3. I love me a corndog. Nom nom nom.
    Have you seen Wall-E? All the fatsos in space carts? I think the writers over at Pixar got the inspiration at Disney.

    Of course they did.

  4. Good news…I LOST a few pounds reading this. How? I threw up looking at the bacon burger-filled doughnut! GROSS!!! UGGGHHH!

  5. OK..just looking at all that food made me sick…..I live in California the land of everything organic and kale……

  6. I remember eating corn dogs at the fair! They were delicious and now as an adult I don’t really have an excuse to eat junk. Also now having a child I want to try to lead by example so I’ve started eating more healthful food.

  7. I really love your writing style and topic choices – so, so funny!!
    Kind of like Erma Bombeck with serious edge!

  8. I have one of those rastafarian bananas. It’s weird.

  9. I don’t like fried pickles but I so love corndogs! Yummy! I only get those foods at the carnival because I have never been to Disneyland once.

  10. Never had a fried bananna or Corn Dog, although it looked good…….Love Sundays, Have Boardwalk Empire, Revenge & your great Blog. Keep up the great work!!!!!

  11. Hilarious! i’m still laughing but can’t believe the cheek of of all those people in carts – thanks great post 🙂

  12. Calling someone or something white trash is very racist. Your judging food and fat, lazy people, to be white trash. I personally found it very offensive. Judging something on what you believe white people eat and calling it trash is uncalled for on so many levels. How would you feel if i called you a nigger for eating chicken, Or a tree hugger for being a vegetarian, or anything of that sort. Its rude unjustified and completely uncalled for. Its being very judgemental and disrespectful. Its also a form of bullying. Do you want your kids walking up to someone calling them white trash cause they choice to eat a corndog or a hotdog.
    I don’t agree with people being lazy and unhealthy in anyway. But i don’t found being racist and judgemental towards any one funny in anyway.
    I have read a few of your blogs and this is one of the only ones i cant agree to laugh at.


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