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Rainbow Doom

Over the summer the kids starting collecting bracelets from camp.  One kind in particular they got at a friend’s house and they fought over them and took special care to not lose.

This kind was made out of small rubber bands and the kids started asking me to buy them some sort of bracelet making device (a Rainbow loom) so that they could make these special bracelets.

I ignored them of course.

School started and the kids would come home telling me about all of the kids that had “Rainbow Loom” bracelets at school.

Then at work I noticed a couple of people (adults) wearing the bracelets.

At a store a couple of weeks ago, Michael saw the bracelet maker on the shelf and begged me to buy it.

“It’s  $20 Michael! Really? Are you guys going to sit around making bracelets? Plus we don’t even know how to do it…”

I asked my friend if she had one.  “Oh yes, I was up all night making bracelets for all of their friends,” she answered.


“Because the kids who don’t have the Rainbow loom ask my kids to make one for them, and it takes too long so I end up making it….” she answered.

That got me thinking.

“Boys – if you want a bracelet ask your friends to make you one.” I suggested the next day.

They came home with a couple more after that, but still weren’t satisfied.

Michael actually started crying one night this week because he had less bracelets than Sam and “Why can’t we just have a rainbow loom?”

“Because we don’t know how to do it!!” I said with despair. “If we know how to use it – maybe we can get one.”

I mentioned the whole phenomenon to my friend Martha. “ Oh – you can actually take a Rainbow loom class at the toy store in the center of town!” she said knowingly.

Um…no.  We are definitely not doing that.

I tried to envision Mr. Gaga coming home from work and asking us what we did that day and me replying,

“We took a bracelet class.”

"A toast to Michael completing his first course in bracelet-making...."

“A toast to Michael completing his first course in bracelet-making….”

We had plans to visit a friend and her 3-year-old and 6 year-old Friday night and I called her to confirm.

“I have to call you back – I am in Toys R’ Us spending like $100 on Rainbow loom stuff….”

When she called me back I mentioned how I found the whole thing ridiculous….

“Oh we can show you how to do it tonight when you come over…” she answered.

That night when we all sat down around the Rainbow loom ready to learn – I peered down at her  tackle box filled with rubber bands and the loom, thinking it didn’t really look like $100 worth of stuff.

We waited for her son to start making a bracelet.

“Oh no – he can’t do it….it’s too hard for him.  I make them and the kids watch.” she said matter-of-factly getting started on a bracelet for Sam.

If it's for children 8 and up and your children are 3 and up - it looks like you will be doing a lot of jewelry-making....

If it’s for children 8 and up and your children are 3 and up – it looks like you will be doing a lot of jewelry-making….

I stared in shock while she diligently made everyone a bracelet.  “Don’t worry I was up until 2 in the morning watching YouTube videos so I could figure out how to do this…” she said.


“What?? How else would I learn?” she asked with exasperation.

Do you know what I do at 2 in the morning?


This is what I look like…except sometimes my boob is sticking of my tank top…..

I mean is everyone completely off their rockers??

When did children’s arts and crafts activities become our problem?

I spent many a day doing arts and crafts when I was young and I never once thought to ask my mother to do it for me.


If ever you don’t want to burn your hand on a hot item, I can whip up one of these bad boys for you in no time….

As I have asked many times before…does nobody have anything to do anymore??

Why does every mother in America spend their every waking second thinking up ways to entertain their children?

It’s not enough that we have to waste our life away cutting up our kids’ lunches into tic- tac- toe boards, and making Star Wars cookies now we have to actually do their arts and crafts projects for them?

Isn’t the whole point of the bracelet making to enjoy the actual making of the bracelet?? And then reaping the reward of the completed project?

Now arts and crafts projects are projects done by mothers while their lazy children watch?

WHY must we DO EVERYTHING for these children??


Isn’t the point of the “arts and crafts” to enjoy the art and the craft and then at the end of the “arting” and the “crafting” you can enjoy your potholder or your bracelet?

Do you think that the “Tiger moms” in China are sitting around looming fucking rubber bracelets for their kids??


They are not!

They are beating them with their violin sticks and telling them to study the periodic table of elements!!

In other countries, little boys are like building a hut for their family or plowing a field, while our boys can’t even make one pathetic little bracelet.

As it stands, after all was said and done, we watched my friend make the bracelets and then we went home.

We still don’t know how to make them.

We still don’t have the loom of doom…..

I’m hoping the next fad to sweep the nation is potholder making…..I am totally going to be in on that one……





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16 responses »

  1. There is a big boy bracelet thing going on around here too but it’s not plastic stuff, just good old fashion braided friendship bracelets but with some leather strips thrown into to butch em up I guess. My neighbor kids are making a mint selling them to other boys who can’t figure out how to make them themselves. (but they are kid made)

    But you know just now on the Emmys there was some dude who won one – he was a director or producer or something I can’t remember exactly who it was but when he thanked his mom he said something along these lines “Thank you for never worrying about me. You just believed in me instead.” I thought WOW.. I wish every modern mom out there could hear that, that he’s a success because his mom backed off, let him do his thing, and just believed in him. We can all take a lesson from that lady.

  2. ROF!! The loom of doom!! HAAAA!!! This is so true, and this is why we don’t have one!!! I watched kids AND ADULTS act like vultures around the poor kid that has the’s sad!! MAKE ME ONE, MAKE ME ONE!! MAKE YOUR OWN!!

  3. omg. i will admit that my girls are obsessed but they do it together- however I am am mean mom and want nothing to do with it…

  4. M & O love their looms, (one a birthday gift and one bought with her own $). They do it together, study you tube videos and loom on playdates. They knew upfront that I would not be joining in on the fun because as they say, ” you never play with us!”. Oh well, I’m not that kind of mom. I like my sleep. I do however wish I invented the damn thing!!!!!! Send me an order, I’ll get the girls to make your boys some!!!!!!

  5. I totally agree with you on this one. I have a 10 mo that I still wipe his ass and make all his bracelets for so I don’t have much to base my opinion on, but I agree. I was at the park and all the moms were playing with their kids and not playing with other kids. Not only did that shit look tiring, I don’t think moms have a good idea about how to play on a playground. I admit I eavesdropped on a few of their playground “telephone” convo’s and they were pretty lame. A lot of “hi’s” and not a lot if surreptitious “butt’s” and “poop’s” like there were in my day.

  6. Hahahaha! I bought one Saturday for my 7 year old! He actually figured it out! Thank God!

  7. I remember scavenging for things/materials that I could put together for a Halloween costume. There was no way my mother was going to whip me up/buy me one. You’d be surprised how creative one can be when they have to do it alone. She would have told me to use old underwear and make bracelets out of them. P.S. I did pretty much the same with my kids and they turned out pretty well. Schools should ban wearing anything but a watch. School uniforms are another good idea.

  8. I laugh so much reading your blog that my kids keep running over to the computer to see what’s so funny. Love it!

  9. Yes! Stay strong! Looming mothers are b.s.!

  10. Yikes. I am totally in agreement with you! Why would you do it FOR your children? I can see helping them, or at least helping them find the instructions, but how else will they learn? Granted I only have a 10month old, but I already make HIM get the ball when it rolls away from us. (That could ALSO be because I’m lazy, but I prefer to think of it as encouraging him to be more active. LOL) Clearly these moms are not finding ways to entertain their brains apart from being moms. I’m discovering how important it is to have my OWN interests separate from my child. Which, I have, thank God. Love your posts!!

  11. Wow, I am right there with you about never would have asked my mom to do a crafting project for me. Kids these days!

  12. Ha! The rainbow loom fad has thoroughly infested our town too, and I thought for a minute that it may be good for my son, who desperately wanted the bracelets, but has never had much patience for art and fine motor activities. Then I envisioned myself sitting at the loom completing bracelets for him, and picking up little rubber bands all over the house, and fishing them out of my toddlers throat…..naaaaahhh! I resisted! But the chorus of “please please please” everyday didn’t stop. Then thankfully, his angel of a teacher banned them for causing too much distraction. 🙂 saved!

  13. My mother and father NEVER engaged in arts-and-crafts with me or my brother. They supported our hobbies, but thank God never participated. I’m sure we would have gotten our asses kicked by bullies if they saw my mom crafting along with me. I’m happy to say, both myself and my sibling are well-adjusted, INDEPENDENT adults! 🙂

  14. Thanks to this post, when my 7 year old 2nd grader came home the other day and said “there’s this new thing that all the kids have now” I was prepared for what was to come! We got our loom of doom today and SHE will be sitting down this weekend to make bracelets for herself and her friends.


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