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Caillou…The Silent Killer

Before kids, I remember parents complaining about Barney and the Wiggles regularly.  I never once turned on Barney for my kids for fear that I would have to listen to and look at that purple beast.

The Wiggles didn’t really bother me and as soon as I realized that they put my children into a trance, I put them on all the time.

Before we knew it – we all knew every dance move and every song lyric.  Mr. Gaga and I even rocked out and sang every song took the kids to two Wiggles Concerts.  It was around this time that I had two little babies that needed my constant attention.  The 22 minutes of peace that I had sitting on the couch in a vegetative state while they sang “Fruit Salad,” was the highlight of my day.

I remember too – that there was an episode on at 6:30 am and I would sometimes sit with my coffee riddled with exhaustion and actually think that Captain Feathersword was hot.  It could have been lack of sleep or lack of adult interaction, either way those Wiggles brought me a lot of joy.

After I asked Mr. Gaga to come to bed wearing a Captain Feathersword outfit - he banned me from watching...

After I asked Mr. Gaga to come to bed wearing a Captain Feathersword outfit – he banned me from watching…

I actually was a bit sad to see them go  – only to be replaced by new weird 2013 Wiggles.

Really? A Wiggle-ette? No...I'm not tuning in for this shit....

Really? A Wiggle-ette? No…I’m not tuning in for this shit….

Recently a friend was complaining about her kids watching Caillou.  I had a flashback to never ending afternoons with a baby and a preschooler.

It seems so long ago that I spent my afternoons making grilled cheese sandwiches while that annoying whiney brat Caillou droned on in the background.

“How come you didn’t warn me?” She asked in despair.

How come I didn’t warn her? I am not sure – but with that I realized that I really should warn people about this menace to society.

After preschool or whatever morning activity we had – we would come home for lunch and Caillou was always on.  It seemed harmless, so I would let the kids watch.

I did initially find the characters offensive due to their lack of style and the fact that poor Caillou had a clear case of alopecia that needed addressing – but I figured it couldn’t be too bad.

I am sure at some point he is going to notice that he is the only bald one and demand a wig....

I am sure at some point he is going to notice that he is the only bald one and demand a wig….

Episode by episode it became increasingly clear that this son of a bitch was a whining, rude little brat.  His parents don’t ever reprimand him for his wretched behavior because his family consists of an extremely medicated mother and a hippie Dad that doesn’t comb his hair and wears oversized Christmas turtlenecks everyday.

Do these people own mirrors??  If they are going to wear seasonaly inappropriate turtlenecks and not push up their headbands properly - can they at least match their clothes???

Do these people own mirrors?? If they are going to wear seasonally inappropriate turtlenecks and not push up their headbands properly – can they at least match their clothes???

As if their looks aren’t offensive enough, Caillou wanders through life complaining and demanding things.  You will notice that if your children watch this show – they actually learn step by step how to be a brat and how to throw tantrums.

This episode shows Caillou having a tantrum because he wants to go to the circus "RIGHT NOW!" Several children I know immediately started to throw tantrums "Caillou-style" after watching this...

This episode shows Caillou having a tantrum because he wants to go to the circus “RIGHT NOW!” Several children I know immediately started to throw tantrums “Caillou-style” after watching this…

It would take all my mental strength to get through the day with two little boys and their live crying and whining, Caillou’s whines and cries would go right through me and make me want to jump off the nearest cliff.

Thank you so much show creator Hélène Desputeaux for introducing this spoiled,  annoying person into our lives.  It’s not enough that we have to navigate the news and Annie and Bambi  without incident – not to mention the real live children that we have to interact with daily that are complete jerks, and their real live parents that look like Steven Keaton.  

Wouldn’t it be nice to have some pleasant afternoon programming for our children that is not filled with bald assholes?

New parents – consider yourself warned.

Do not turn on Caillou under any circumstance, even a Wiggle-ette will probably be better.

I asked Mr. Gaga to proofread this post.  He finished reading and looked up and said “What’s your point? You are just ripping on Caillou this week for no reason?”

Yes Mr. Gaga – yes I am.

Please share on FACEBOOK if you have ever experienced the TORTURES of CAILLOU and his stupid cat Gilbert and his medicated, turtleneck loving family!


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28 responses »

  1. I’m so glad someone has addressed this atrocity of a show – I have LOATHED that little POS since my children were young – if it ever came on, it went off PDQ because I could not stand that whiny little puke.


  2. Laydee, really hated Barney & got sooooo tired of the Wiggles!!!!!! Glad that Kayla is liking Mickey Mouse. Not easy, being a Grandmother!!!!!lol

  3. My son looooved this show. It could be why he’s a whiny, tantrum throwing brat often. I wish someone had warned me….

  4. I love your name and loved the post! It’s funny, though, I know many parents despise caillou, I never cared one way or the other (although you’re absolutely right, someone needs to call what not to wear on that mom, I mean two kids, saggy boobs, I get it, but why not wear a bra?!). I actually really REALLY can’t stand the Wiggles, hope we can still be friends:-) That was really funny!

  5. I’ve never even heard of Caillou but I will take your warning and keep my kids far away.

    In that picture where the two adults are swinging Caillou between them is one of them the dad? If so which one?

  6. modmomelleroy

    omg how i detest caillou. what a whiner. i was just saying today that i’m glad my kids are both out of the really little kid shows. most of them drove me crazy. although…the backyardigans song at the end makes me cry every.time. and the bear in the big blue house moon song always reduced me to tears to. i’m a big mush.

  7. I do a podcast for dads and one of them shared this blog entry. Would you be interested in skyping into my show sometime?

  8. Did you just call my Caillou a son of a bitch? Wow. Just wow.
    You are the voice inside my head!!!!

    Happy Memorial Day weekend my friend! xo

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  11. Thanks to Netflix I get regular Caillou marathons. I know he’s terrible but it keeps her quite for a while.

  12. I too lived through a torturous Calliou stage with my two sons. Perhaps someone has already pointed this out, if so, forgive me, but why in gods name are adults wearing sweaters allowing their child to wear shorts if it is sweater weather???? Clearly Children’s Services needs to be brought in on this for neglect.

  13. Literally wiping away tears of laughter. Very funny and so true that it hurts.

  14. bonjour !

    To children, desputeaux+aubin offers albums, like so many hugs and kisses, that portray the colourful little world of Hélène Desputeaux, the creator of Caillou.
    In 2006, because of never-ending legal hearings concerning her baby Caillou that lasted ten years, and after having seen her graphic universe transformed in a multitude of reproductions, of which she will probably never know the nature and quantity, Hélène Desputeaux set up, with Michel Aubin, her own production house: desputeaux+aubin.
    Since then, holding brush and pencil, Hélène Desputeaux has been creating new books with her genuine baby Caillou, her little Mella and a string of endearing characters! In 2011, to celebrate its fifth anniversary of truly true creation and to simply make us dream, desputeaux+aubin produces a skipping dance of words and colors for the big-toddlers and the wee-toddlers!
    but … in 2012 Hélène Desputeaux wait after her royalties from cinar/cookiejar/dhx and she always don’t know what they do with her graphic universe … with her Caillou … and finally she learn by canadian press that Caillou was sold again !
    and so … in january 2013, again by press, it’s a « wagonload of Caillou license deals » … always with her graphic universe … with her Caillou !
    a wagonload of suprise !

    Voilà !


    au plaisir … et salutations du Québec !

    M i c h e l A u b i n


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