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Dear Kim,

You have really done it this time.

I am writing today to warn you, because for some reason I actually think you don’t even realize how you have totally screwed yourself.

Maybe there was a little lull in your celebrity status – since we all lost interest in your fake wedding, but there’s really no need to take such drastic measures!!!

So now we are all talking about you again but is it worth accepting the sperm of Satan?? I think not.

Have you thought this through at all Kim??

First things first – you are ONLY famous for your looks and your sexual escapades.

What’s going to happen when you aren’t looking so hot? First of all, the tabloids that you love to be in so much, will rip you to shreds.

Secondly, Kanye seems a bit shallow. When your looks go down the toilet, will he stick around?

He seems to be obsessed with skinny women.

Do you remember when Kanye rapped, “Let’s get lost tonight, You could be my black Kate Moss tonight”….

Um…Kim…….you’re totally effed.  Kate Moss is SUPER skinny!!!!


Your ass is huge!!!

You know how it’s huge in a cute way that’s loveable and sexy right now??

After the baby comes it’s not so sexy….it’s more like cellulitey and mom-ish….not Kate Moss-ish at all……

Now believe me I know what it’s like to have a fat ass…..but thankfully, Mr. Gaga never asks me to be his “Black Kate Moss….”

Thank God – because this is the latest image of Kate Moss’ ass:

kate moss

Yeah – good luck with that….

Especially since this your pre-pregnancy ass:

EXCLUSIVE: Kim and Kourtney Kardashian take over Miami Beach with new beach bods

After the pregnancy – figure this ass will be 10 times this size and flabby and flat.

I know you are thinking you will just spend a lot of time at the gym and get back in shape….but that’s not going to happen.

Who will watch the baby?? You don’t think Kanye will babysit do you?


Plus – do you really want him alone with your child?  He could say and do some inappropriate things.

He has already stated publicly that he is “not a fan of books.”

That’s really great….He’s going to be an awesome Dad.

kanye reads

I know you know about sex and how this all works.

We actually know who you are because you banged someone when you were 15 and your mother had the wherewithal to videotape it and send it to the tabloids.

Therefore, I am assuming you have been practicing birth control successfully for quite sometime – which can only mean, despite how horrific it is to imagine….you have done this on purpose??

Exactly what do you hope to achieve with this little publicity stunt? Are you thinking that this baby is going to be filled with talent and good looks?

Have you considered if it doesn’t work out exactly as you plan?

Have you considered that you might have a baby that looks like this asshole and has your talent?? Then what will you do??

Have you considered that you might have a baby that looks like this asshole and has your talent?? Then what will you do??

You might have had a glimpse of reality when Kanye announced the news on stage.  He was quoted as saying “Stop the music…can we make some noise for my baby mama?”

I bet you thought that was pretty romantic….I mean how many women in the throes of their first trimester are lucky enough to have the sperm donor call you “his baby mama” for the world to hear.

Have you considered that he tends to make all of his statements from a stage with a microphone?  Do you remember poor innocent Taylor Swift and how he destroyed her award night for no apparent reason?

He’s a bit of a narcissist and seems to enjoy stealing people’s thunder.

You might not think it’s so cute when you are delivering the baby and he’s in the corner rapping about how great he is…..


Also, I know it’s difficult for you two ass-hats to think of others, but have you given any consideration to your poor sister Khloe?

This poor girl. It’s not enough that she’s an enormous beast with 4 slim beautiful sisters, but now after she has been on every magazine cover and has an entire reality show dedicated to her desire for a baby, you have to go and get knocked up with an illegitimate child while you are married to someone else.

This is latest image of Klhoe's uterus from her last check-up...imagine how she feels??

This is latest image of Khloe’s uterus from her last check up..Imagine how she feels??

Motherhood is extremely difficult and one cannot be a narcissistic fame-whore while raising a child.

Kim, I hope that you can find your way as a mother despite your poor choice in “baby daddy.”

It will be a long and difficult road for you and your little one.

Even with the best conditions, being a mother is a challenge.

If you don’t believe me, just ask Beyonce.


Don’t get me wrong – we are all thrilled to celebrate something actually coming out of your vagina for once.

I just hope you are mentally prepared for what’s to come.

Sincerely your friend,




42 responses »

  1. This is hilarious, even though I’m feeling a bit vomity over the thought of that huge ass becoming all dimpley and still making the tabloids.

  2. Bahaaaaa!!! The pictures are ahmaaaaziing! Love that lone tumbleweed. Fine job indeed!!

  3. she has the money for plastic surgery to take care of her once the baby pops!

  4. Stop it YOU ARE KILLING ME.
    This girl never ceases to amaze me with her stupidity.

  5. OMG – that was brilliant – hysterical!!!!

  6. Love the post cannot stand either of them they both make me want to vomit. She got famous for being a skank on video…I however like Khloe and she is not a beast she just is tall next to her little people sisters. Because I am sorry to say but Kim’s ass is just plain huge

    • I know Mommy Bags , you are right – but that just doesn’t sound nearly as funny……
      and you are right I saw Kim in real life at lunch in New York once….that shit is some junk in the trizunk….

  7. I often wonder about these “celebrity” couples and why they even think that they have a chance of staying together. I hate to see couples break up when they have a kid but I don’t hold out a lot of hope for this couple.

  8. Funny stuff. . . I’m not sure I can really say anything more about this woman that hasn’t already said (in your post) and all around the world. Always enjoy some good mockery!

  9. Hahaha, everything I have been thinking since the news broke, you wrote in this post. Well done.

  10. Ha! I have nothing more to say than that. HA!

  11. I don’t even keep up with this stuff so thanks for the summary! Look forward to an update later 😉

  12. Hahah you have spent way more time thinking about that pregnancy than I have…but you have good points!

  13. wow! you’ve given kim a lot of thought!! now i can’t wait to see what happens with her!

  14. Oh man. Please promise to do a follow up on this. I love it.

  15. I’m so grateful I don’t have any pictures of my ass running around on the internet. At least not yet. Freaking hysterical. Thanks for the laughs, snorts and giggles!

  16. Just think of the poor girl who is going to be the baby’s nanny.

  17. Omg, tri girl hit it on the head: the nanny??? Who will be the nanny????

  18. Hilarious! I just love the quotes in the last picture.

  19. It is quite the circus but the sad thing is there is child who is being brought into this mess. Hopefully, being a dad and mother might change their self-centered outlook. ??

  20. This is AMAZING! I love the pictures and the quotes! And it is so true – WTF were they/she thinking? Nine months from now she is going to be thinking “WTF” for sure…hell, probably won’t take that long!

  21. BWAHAHA!! Love it. Although I have to say, I would WAY rather bang Kim than Kate any day. I think her ass is beautiful – more cushion for the pushin’. Yep, I said that. Kate just looks not fully grown to me.

    • Yes – that is a valid point – I am not by any means promoting Kate – I am just saying – it’s upsetting when you’re “Baby Daddy” uses her as his reference for what he is attracted to…..I would be in a lot of trouble if that’s what Mr. Gaga was looking for….ok I am going to go back to my ice cream now….

  22. *chuckle* What a train wreck.

  23. I can’t stand Kanye West! The thought that he will be a dad…well, let’s just hope they find a really, really good nanny!

  24. Oh my god. Too funny. The best line: “We are all thrilled to have something actually coming OUT of your vagina for once.” Hooray for going there!

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  28. You must REALLY have some serious shit against her, huh? It seems everyone does….oh wait, you people just have no lives and have to criticize everyone who’s doing WAY better than you ever will. Who are YOU to judge?? I’ll pray for you.

  29. I really can’t wait to see the follow-up to this post when that baby comes! And those pictures are great!!!! Dying!!!

  30. That’s great! Amazing pictures. I’m actually surprised you didn’t do a face combo of the two of them as a “preview” to what baby looks like! Anyway, I can’t wait to read the follow-up post when baby comes.

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  33. This is funny stuff. Ass or no ass, I love me some Kate Moss.


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