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Jingle Hell 2012

This has been a horrible week for Connecticut and America.  Not that it would ever be okay, but to have such a disgusting act of violence occur right before Christmas is even more devastating.

My heart is broken and I am sickened by what the world has come to.

I cannot possibly complain about anything or make fun of anyone when such a grave tragedy has come upon us.

I will say however that more than ever, I feel so grateful for my life and my family and friends.

I will also say that I think we should be sure to keep children’s lives happy, carefree and filled with joy as much as we can.

They will grow up soon enough and have to endure this world and all of its vile atrocities and tortures.

When I was reflecting about this idea today, I thought back to one of my blog posts about the parents that decided to tell their little sweet innocent 2-year-old that there was no such thing as Santa, so that he would know that his parents were the ones actually buying him gifts.

Every time I think of this I get newly furious with these morons.

This post is read quite regularly, because one of the most common phrases googled by people, which brings them to my blog, is “SANTA GIVING THE FINGER.” 

Go figure.

I thought today would be a good day to repost this – so we can take a minute and really think about what stupid bullshit we waste or time and energy focusing on…instead of enjoying life and our children.

Tomorrow I will announce the winner of the Laura Mercier Caviar Stick, in the meantime enjoy this tale of holiday asshattery:

Jingle Hell

Posted on September 18, 2011 by Lady Googoogaga

So – I signed up a while ago to a service in town – where moms could receive emails regarding pertinent information about children, parenting etc.  Some reasonable uses of the service would be say – “Does anyone know the best pediatric dentist in town?” or “Where is a good place to go for piano lessons?” or “Has anyone ever been to the indoor water park in Waterbury?”

Many people for one reason or another ask inappropriate questions and what I consider inappropriate requests to  a community of unknown mothers in town.  The constant stream of ridiculous emails is enough to send you off the deep end – see below for the latest offense this week (and for those of you who still think I make this stuff up – this is word-for-word!!)

Subject: Advice


You all have been great in giving advice in the past that I thought I’d run something by you. What do you tell a 2-yr old about Santa? I would like for him to believe in Santa but my husband says that there’s no reason for him to.  That he should know that we buy his gifts because we love him. Has anyone else made the decision to tell their kids that Santa isn’t real? What did you say and  what  was the outcome?

Also…does anyone know where I can get K-Cups (for a Keurig coffee maker) for a cheaper price? At the grocery store they’re $8.99 for a box of 12 and I was informed today that they’re going up.

Thanks in advance! You all are awesome! Love, Jenny


Hi Jenny – Thanks for calling us all awesome!!

You know who is not awesome?


Just so you know – it’s September!!  And Christmas is not really top on everyone’s to-do list but since you asked……

Many families were grappling last week with remembering the loss of loved ones on September 11th, and probably thinking about one day explaining this horrible day to their children.

In this economy, I know many families who are struggling with telling their kids that they might not have any presents at Christmas because their mom or dad (or both) have lost their job.

Nationwide – parents will be figuring out where Christmas will be this year because their home was washed away in a flood or hurricane or lost in a foreclosure.

But your husband is right!!

You should totally shower your 2-year-old child with “gifts of love” and then tell him they are all from you!!

We live in a nation that at the 10-year anniversary of September 11, 2001 is still at war, close to 10 percent of our nation is unemployed,  millions don’t have access to healthcare while facing deadly incurable diseases like cancer and AIDS, 1 out of 110 children are diagnosed with autism and global warming is destroying or ending people’s lives all over the world.

That being said – I can totally see why what little happiness your child might have before facing the harsh realities of adulthood, should be ripped away from him – all so he can properly thank your husband for the $200 of Little Tykes crap he bought at the Toys R’ Us.

I mean really – why should Santa get all of the credit?

And by the way your husband sounds like a real peach!  Wherever did you find him? It’s so rare to find a good man who is not an ego-maniac!! Lucky!!

He also sounds super-intelligent and super in-touch with childhood development.  Does he have a PhD in this subject?

I know that he is so looking forward to the day when he can announce to a group of people that he has chosen to ruin his child’s life  tell his child that there is no such thing as Santa  – so that everyone knows that he is “above” such silly rituals.

Oops – small problem – Jenny!  Your douche-bag super-awesome hubby – failed to read the chapter in his PhD textbook that discussed the fact that 2 -year- olds…..(and I quote from a real medical textbook on childhood development)

pg. 201- ”Don’t give two flying fucks who gave them the Little Tykes crap.”

They don’t even get the concept of receiving a gift yet  – so when you have this all-important convo to break the bad news…..guess what?

You will have the same convo next Christmas when he’s three – and then probably again when he’s four.

He will not even remember your “love gifts”  – let alone who gave them to him.

Oh – and Jenny – one more thing – when you have this sit-down – could you do us a favor and let him know that you 2 are the only ass-hats that are doing this?

The rest of us quite enjoy lying to our kids and letting them experience little emotions called “joy” and “wonderment” and don’t need you and your tortured child ruining it.

Thanks!! That would be super-awesome!

In closing – I see you had a little question about coffee cups!  Who doesn’t right? LOL!

Well – I notice that you sent your email via Blackberry – which means that you’re savvy enough to use modern technology – but what you might not realize is that there is this little thing called a newspaper.

Inside it – usually once a week – you will find something called a circular! Each store actually lists their sale items using photos as well as extra-large bold text that will state the sale price – like $1.99!!!!!

Oh – by the way – I had a sec – and I googled Keurig sale – and it said there were about 1,200,700 results you dumb bitch…….

It is super-easy to read and very user-friendly – maybe even more so than your Blackberry!

If you feel like you still cannot find a good price for your Keurig coffee cups – don’t hesitate to shoot us another email.  We will all stop what we are doing  (you know because we are all stupid morons that believe in Santa) and find the best price for your coffee!!

Hope this helps!

Your friend – LADY GOO GOO GAGA

PS – I sent a copy of your email to Santa – and this was his reply – ( he asked that I pass it along to you) :




8 responses »

  1. Patricia Kennedy

    Really loved this blog Laydee. Everything you said, is so true. Love that you tell it like it is!Keep up the good work…..

  2. I Love your authentic voice.

    I hate what is happening in this country. I am SICK.

  3. I wondered how close the tragedy was to you. God bless you and your family! I hope we never have to endure anything like this again.

  4. Very good post. I am experiencing some of these issues as well.

  5. Okay, now you are even MORE legendary than I had previously thought. I have a little crush, truth be told.


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