I saw a friend this week strolling her 8-month-old baby in the mall. She looked on the verge of tears. She had left her older child with her mother for an hour so she could have a break. She said the previous day had been very bad.
“Oh the kids were driving you crazy?” I asked nonchalantly.
“No, I had a bad day as a mother…..and as a person,” she answered gravely, tears threatening to spill over. She went on to tell me how she was feeling – but I didn’t need to hear the details. I could just look at her eye sockets and the despair on her face and it all came flooding back to me. I remember all-too vividly how I felt everyday for 3 years when I was home with two babies.
But this is the kicker….nobody warns you how difficult it will be with two children. Nobody mentions how your whole world will get turned upside down and you will end up on the verge of a nervous breakdown. As a result of getting blindsided you end up walking through Nordstrom with your baby in a haze of tears, guilt and despair.
That’s what I am here for….TO WARN YOU!!!
To keep it real for you people.
When you are pregnant with your first child, people shower you with gifts, compliments, foot rubs, unsolicited advice, old wives’ tales, hand-me-downs…..
When you are pregnant anytime after that – the general attitude you will get from people (including your husband) is – “You got this, right?”
Nobody cares anymore.
When you have one kid – you have to adjust and it is difficult at first. You have to get used to running on empty. You have to get used to putting someone else’s needs before your own. You have to be a little less narcissistic, but yet, once you get used to all of this – it’s totally manageable.
When the second child comes, you are completely caught off-guard. You have done this before, so you should be a pro. It should be easier this time around….right?
Remember how tired you were with one baby?
Remember how guilty and confused you were with one baby?
Remember how much you wanted to smother your husband with your boppy with one baby?
Remember how fat you were with one baby?
Multiply all of that by 1 million percent.
I know what your thinking…..how can one extra little person make the percentage jump one million percent?
It just does.
Oh yeah – and remember that little bit of “me time” you had carved out when you had one child?
Oh, that’s actually completely gone now. That little snippet of time is now alloted for the baby.
Oh yeah, and if there is an act of God and both children are sleeping or otherwise occupied – you still don’t get a minute to yourself – because that’s when the old needy, neglected husband will come a’ knockin.
You will have to find another avenue for your narcissism too, (thank you blog and Facebook.)
Just don’t say I didn’t warn you……
When Michael was 9 months old, with what little faculties I had at that point, I realized that if I were to ever come out of the state of shock and sleeplessness that I was in, then I would probably tell Mr. Gaga that I was done and put that shit* on lockdown.
(*”That shit” can be loosely defined as baby swings, diapers, and my uterus.)
So in my baby-induced stupor I suggested that we have our children close in age. Mr. Gaga basically just rolled over in bed and I was pregnant….Michael was 9-months-old.
This arrangement is not for the faint-of-heart. Two boys came into my life in an 18-months time span and I thought I would actually die.
If not from just sheer mental and physical exhaustion – but from the loss of self, the sucking up and vanishing of my soul…my actual being.
It was all gone. My hopes, my dreams, my desires…they were all gone buried under a cloud of nipple pads, burp cloths and “Good Night Moon.”
I remember sitting on the couch attempting to breastfeed Sam while Michael cried and pulled on me. Sam would cry because he couldn’t latch on to my boob, Michael would cry because he wanted me and I would cry because I was starting to realize that my life would never be mine again.
FYI – Nursing a baby while an 18 month old jumps all-over you is not recommended for the preservation of your sanity or your nipples.
At Sam’s 3 month check-up, the doctor asked how the breastfeeding was going.
I stared back at him and without emotion stated, “Well, this kid will have a super-duper immune system and no ear infections, but sadly he will also have no mother….because I will be in the institution…”
Thankfully, my doctor did suggest switching to formula, time marched on and I survived.
When all was said and done – I always say it was an extremely tough 3 years and then things started to get easier.
The great pay-off now is that they are the best of friends. They love each other so much and are inseparable. I am grateful to think that they have each other and will always be close.
Of course as is to be expected they fight incessantly – but I know that they care about each other very much. When I hear them in their rooms laughing together or watch them playing, I absolutely know that all of my hard work and loss of my soul is worth it in the end because they have each other.
Especially this morning when I went into Sam’s room and saw a little note folded next to his bed from his brother. I love how they secretly communicate with each other with notes or pictures. Sam idolizes his older brother, so much that he will keep every little scrap of paper that Michael gives him.
I sighed and thought how sweet my two little angels are as I opened it up to read it and saw this…..
WELL WHAT CAN I SAY? AT LEAST HE SAID SORRY…PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME FOR THE FUNNIEST MOM IN AMERICA……COME ON I DESERVE IT AFTER WHAT THESE KIDS HAVE PUT ME THROUGH……