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Summer Olympics 2022

We were watching the swimming competition last night and I said to Sam “Maybe one day you will be able to swim like that.”

“Nope,” he answered matter-of-factly as he left the room.  Over his shoulder he added, “I will NEVER go to the Olympics.”

I watched him leave the room and was tempted to give a speech about perseverance and “never saying never,” but I stopped myself.  I started to think about the possibilities for him and his brother, and as I really started to ponder it, I started to get a little nervous.

If you really think about this generation of children going to the Olympics, “never” is a quite accurate word.

It truly seems a bit unrealistic, and quite frankly, they could very well have to get rid of the whole thing all together.

Think about it….

For starters, there’s no way in hell these fat-ass fruit snack and McDonald’s eating-kids are going to grow up to be svelte Olympians.

The categories of sports would have to change dramatically.

First things first – this generation isn’t exactly the best at riding bikes.  I cannot tell you how many SECOND GRADE BOYS come to my house and announce they don’t know how to ride a bike.  In their defense they are probably very busy playing Mario Kart and watching Star Wars.  However, there will definitely have to be some allowances made for this problem.

I think this could work…..

There could never be any spiking during beach volleyball – that would be waaayyy too violent.  The ball would have to be lovingly tapped from side to side.

The ping-pong and tennis would have to be the virtual Wii sports versions, because the children of today surely don’t even know about the live version.  It could be held in some sort of fancy basement.

The swimming and diving would definitely be problematic.  I’m pretty sure the diving category would have change.  The kids today are pretty fat and are mostly too scared to dive.  That is the perfect recipe for an awesome “Cannon-ball competition.”

As for the swimming piece, I know that my kids are not the only ones who cry and refuse to go to swimming lessons.  However, I am the only mother who screams at them to get back into the pool.

If I had a dime for every time another mother told me “Johnny doesn’t know how to swim, because he just never liked to put his head underwater!!” I would be a rich woman.

It’s fairly safe to say this generation won’t be producing many Olympic swimmers, so the only thing to do would be to allow floaties.

He might be embarrassed that his mother made him wear his “swimmies” to the competition – but better safe than sorry!!!

The balance beam would have to be lowered significantly, it’s much too high!!! What if they fell off? They could break their neck!!

Also, with childhood obesity such an issue today – I envision many of today’s children growing up to be sadly obese adults.  These children would never be able to do some of the gymnastic moves on the floor and they surely would never be able to swing their massive bodies up and around a bar.

The rules would have to change to allow for spotters who would be responsible for hoisting the huge bodies up onto the bars.

Once they were up on the bar it would mostly likely break into splintereens from the weight-so the bars would have to be reinforced with titanium rods to ensure that they could remain intact.

Once all the equipment was tweaked, and these little angels were done with their routine  – God help the person that thinks he’s going to announce a winner.

There would have to be a change, so that every race or competition could end in a tie.

If there was ever a “winner” that would mean that the other competitors would be considered “losers” and then they would all start crying.

What do you mean I lost? You guys are assholes…..I want my mommy.

After years of this entitled, pampered generation getting a trophy or medal for just showing up – we couldn’t expect to just give out ONE GOLD MEDAL!!???

He better pass that shit around……If he doesn’t ‘share’ with the other swimmers…there’s going to be a lot of angry moms on his tail…

With that in mind – it would probably be best to just get rid of the judges completely.  They wouldn’t be able to do much.

If they took points away from someone there’s a pretty good shot that he or she would start crying and have a complete temper tantrum.  If that happened, then the judges will have to face all of the helicopter parents that will be at the judging table arguing and requesting that the judges give their children better scores.

Granted, at this point in time, the competitors will be approximately 18 and that will put the “helicopter parents” at about 60, but I am sure they will be just as feisty as ever.

There are millions of reasons why the children being raised today will never see Olympic Gold – so be sure to enjoy these 2012 Summer Olympics – as we just never know when it will all be a thing of the past.


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Like children today …..I don’t take losing well.

10 responses »

  1. Gold medal post

    we have a world class 8-year-old green belt in judo, and an upcoming junoir in high school head cheerleader who’s an ace in gymnastics…so maybe…maybe

    Yeah, my kids and their friends like the tv and video games too much.

  2. My favorite blog yet! So true, maybe we can do a virtual Olympics on a TV screen. When will this madness stop? We are doing our kids such a disservice.

  3. OMG! I was thinking that same thing today! Will the olympics die because our kids just don’t give poo!!
    Thanks for the giggles girl!

  4. Excellent freaking post. You earn a gold medal for this one….but, whaaaaa I want a gold medal too! Whaaaaa. Pouty face.
    No really, this was awesome.

  5. Brilliant! So true. Sad, but true.

  6. You crack me up! My kids have no concept of the word driven. That is all.
    I am still waiting for you to arrive. Boo.

  7. My little one likes her Ipad but my little one is also out of the house 90 percent of the time because I am the parent and I make sure she goes out and plays with other kids and socializes something that is highly lacking with our kids today. She is only is 2 1/2 and her little butt does dance, baby gym and she will be starting karate soon. Swimming….. it’s called me getting in the pool with her and dunking her head underwater and after the initial shock she was good to go swimming lessons have been stellar since then.

    I am old school I don’t helicopter and I don’t take any crap from my kid. She takes a friggin tumble brush yourself off and suck it up. I live in an area where we don’t have many overweight kids at all. Why because their asses are always outside doing something. We have bike clubs, adventure camps and everything in between. Maybe their are some kids who don’t have the drive/don’t care but as I watch the neighborhood kids riding their bikes {btw 2 1/2, 3, 4 and 5} and throwing rocks at each other without whining I feel heir is hope for our country yet.

  8. Sorry but I disagree. There’s always been whiny kids and there always will be. But then there’s always going to be kids that work past that. Just because every kid at the pool you go to is a brat doesn’t mean that our country can’t produce champion swimmers.

    I hear people complain all the time about today’s generation. I’m not mad at it, I’m mad at the people raising it.

  9. Erin | The Other Side of the Road

    So funny. I just read this aloud to my husband. We are having a drama with my MIL. She wants the boys to wear Coast Guard approved life vests when they are in the wading pool. I am not kidding.

  10. Pingback: A small retraction and more tales from the beach…. « Lady Goo Goo Gaga

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