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Carrying a Watermelon and other things I don’t want to do……

This week I am reposting my Independence Day post from last year.
I am taking off this week but I will have plenty of material for next week.

Before I married Mr. Gaga, (because we are complete opposites) there were a few things we needed to discuss before we could really move forward with any sort of long-term commitment.

#1 – At the time, (before he ever lived with me and realized the error of his ways) – he claimed his favorite meal to be TUNA NOODLE CASSEROLE! I made it clear to him in no uncertain terms that this meal would never be served or consumed in my presence.

#2 – At the time, he resided in Long Island and thought it would be quite enjoyable and great if we settled down there. I made it clear to him in no uncertain terms that due to my dislike of traffic coupled with the fact that a small shack could cost millions, we would NEVER live on Long Island.

#3 – At the time, he claimed one of his favorite past-times to be camping. I made it clear to him in no uncertain terms that I had never stayed in nor would I ever stay in a “nylon facility” in the woods.

#4 – During said negotiations, he cited a facility in the Poconos as a back-up plan instead of camping. He claimed this facility provided meals, rooms, and a pool, so couldn’t really be considered anything like camping, but instead a family “resort” with tons of activities for children. I kind of left that one open for discussions later when we had children, since I wanted to marry the guy and didn’t want to shoot down every plan he had for our future.

After 11 years of blissful marriage void of casseroles and camping I am currently at a facility in the Poconos that is the closest thing to camping that I have ever experienced ……oh yes and we are with my in-laws, as well.

So when I am safely home next week I will tell you all about my adventures, until then enjoy my “10 wishes for Independence Day.”



1 – My children will independently solve all their problems and fights.  They will independently share the Ipad, the Leapster and all other toys and devices that we only have one of.

2 – My kids’ teachers will independently teach their classes.  When I say independently I mean with help from para-professionals and student teachers; not ME or any other mother who comes along, that would otherwise be home scrapbooking or watching “The View,” but is now magically qualified to teach reading.

 3 – My children will independently be able to walk to and wait for the bus, (while I sleep.)

4 – Max and Ruby will no longer have to live independently. (My husband wanted me to mention this, because he has a strange obsession about a children’s show that features bunnies with no parents.)

5 – Other moms and dads will look at me, size me up, and independently realize that I don’t want to talk to them or their kid.

6 – Nobody will ever say they wet the bed or they are thirsty at 6 am.  I will open my eyes when I am independently ready to wake up.

7 – My boys will remain independent for a long time (maybe until they are 30) so there won’t be any annoying, bitchy girlfriends ruining everything.

8 – The fat cells in my stomach and thighs will independently melt away, even if  I continue to eat Carvel ice cream cake and popcorn on a regular basis.

9 – My kids will independently find a spot for every little Lego, Bakugan card and itty-bitty G.I. Joe rifle in their room, and these pieces will be in said spot every night before bed.

10 – My children’s private parts will independently shoot urine into the designated toilet, without misfires on the wall, floor or hand towel.




4 responses »

  1. Your husband (i read the father’s day post) and my wife are very similar while it appears you and are the whackjobs of our houses.

    tuna noodle casserole? that’s just wrong.

  2. HAHA! Good luck on your independent wishes. Oh, and I hafta agree with your hubby, Max and Ruby just worries me. If they were real, I would so be calling child protective services.

  3. LOL about Max and Ruby! WTH? They have no parents. You know at the beginning of the show when nick jr. tells us what your kids will be learning when they watch the show? Max and Ruby’s big lesson? Exploring family values. Um, ok?? We always joke about this here too!

    And, while I’m at it. Why doesn’t Little wear clothes? His parents are always dressed to the nines, but he’s always “naked”. Well, for a bear anyway. And I realize bears do’t wear clothes, but his parents do, so what gives. Is it like Little bear is walking around naked all the time??

    I think you just might have inspired a blog post for me, my friend!

  4. Pingback: There’s no place like home « Lady Goo Goo Gaga

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