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Birds and Bees

We had a nice visit the past two weeks with my aunt and cousins from Baltimore.  It was luxurious having an eleven year old girl and thirteen year old boy readily available to play with my kids.  To top it off – these children are very mild-mannered and quiet, so it would be a bonus if either of those attributes could possibly rub off on my two maniacs.  The Baltimore children, I am sure – are recovering from the Lady Goo Goo Gaga household.  Let’s just say they are occasionally horrified surprised by the things that I say.  Let’s also just say that they have happened to be here two years in a row when I attend the annual High-Stakes Bingo event – and threaten to drop kick the bingo wheel and call the lady announcing the winners a “stupid bitch.”  They might have found my behavior alarming – and talked about it all winter.  I chalk it up to the fact that they are southerners not used to the no filter  “to-the-point” charm of us Northeasterners.

I texted my aunt today to let her know that she had forgotten a few things and this was her response:

“OK – thanks.  Also – just so you know, Sam asked Nat if she wore makeup and when she said “no,” he asked her if her boobs were real.”

After I fainted and my husband woke me up with smelling salts, I answered: “So sorry – I am not quite sure how he even knows that fake boobs are an option since he just turned 4.  We will discuss this matter with him.”

O to the M to the G.  These people who we see once a year, probably already think I am the craziest mother in the world. Now they probably think my 4 year-old son must be growing up on a steady diet of Baywatch and Real Housewives of Orange County or dining regularly at Hooters.   How else would he think to ask such an inappropriate question?

You might find it inappropriate, but Sam's 4 year-old birthday party at Hooters was a huge success.....

I had to address this situation.  I said “Sam – did you ask Natalie if she wore make-up?” to open up the discussion.   My older son jumped right in….

“Yeah – then he asked her if her boobs were real!!” he said laughing.

I stared at Sam.  He looked at me and shrugged and said “Sorry.” nonchalantly.

“Why – would you say that?” I demanded.

“Well – when I have playdates with Jennifer (who is his “girlfriend” from preschool and will be discussed at a future post)….she always shows me her boobs!  But they are not real boobs!! They are just nickels!!”  he explained very seriously.

My husband, my son all looked at him as he finished his explanation. 

“What? All the time she does that….and I never ask her to!!” he pleaded.

I tried to keep a stern look on my face but then I busted out laughing, and was quickly joined by both boys.   My husband shook his head, chuckling.

YOU are the problem,” he said to me in regards to my inappropriate child, as I doubled over in laughter.

“I can’t help it,” I said – in between hysterical laughs….”I am just so happy he wasn’t referring to silicone implants I don’t even care….”

Maybe I fell down on the job with my parenting today – but at least it’s funny!!! Just please click on the banner below to vote for LADY GOO GOO GAGA!!!!


20 responses »

  1. What a mommy moment! This is one of your best posts.

  2. “…They are just nickels!” Best line ever! I’m over here from reddress and I know we’re supposed to do concrit and all that jazz, but this was just plain funny. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Those poor children from Baltimore. Good thing they are from a scrappy town! Anyway, they must be two incredible kids to inspire two ladygoogoogaga posts 😉

  4. I like how he’s already justifying that he never asks her to show her boobs. Wow…that starts early. Can’t wait. My 1 yr old has already taken to sticking his hands down shirts of large breasted women. What do you do?

    great post!

  5. Bahahaha! That is hilarious! Nickels for boobs. Love it!

  6. absolutely hilarious!!! OMGoodness!! cracking up over here!! thanks for sharing 🙂 *chuckling*

  7. OMG!!!!! I just had a stomach cramp from laughing so hard! Baltimore? Where are you at? I’m in frederick, MD. The east coast is heaven on earth!

  8. Oh My Goodness I just spit my tea! I just love funny kids:)

  9. Hahahaha… That is funny! Thanks for the laugh…. 🙂

  10. That is freaking hilarious! (Visiting from Mama Kat’s)

  11. HAHAHAHAHAH Your kids are invited over to my place any time. My son likes to show everyone his “boobies” so they will probably get along great!

  12. I think I pee’d a little, This is so very funny…

  13. Hey–at least she had nickels! I’m 37 and I’m stuck with dimes. And what about the poor mummies who have pepperonies! LOL The jokes with this post are endless. How could you be expected to keep a straight face? Ah, the innocence of youth…

  14. BAHAHAHA this post is so.freaking.awesome.

  15. That is AWESOME!!

    Also? Imagine BEING a Southerner and having the filter of a Northerner. It ain’t easy.


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