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Go to Work

So my son apparently has hit it off with someone in his kindergarten class.  I don’t know this because he told me.   I know it because this kid’s “stay-at-home dad” accessed my info through the handy school directory, and told me via email.  He suggested getting the kids together for a play-date and mentioned also that his child has a twin brother that will be “tagging along.”

Great!! These are always the kind of messages I enjoy finding in my inbox.  So, I invite both children to be dropped off for a little while one day after school.  Stay-at-home Dad says “Great, but I don’t usually drop the kids off, do you mind if I hang out for a while?”

I ran upstairs to my husband to consult on how to respond.  Always the one to save the day, he says, “Well just let him hang out for a while.” 

“No!! I have things to do! I thought they would play and I could clean and do stuff around the house. I don’t have time for these stay-at-home dad games, I’m busy and I’m not interested in hanging around in the yard with some creepy weirdo.”

“So just say that.”

“Seriously?  Say I don’t like to hang out in the yard with creepy weirdos?  Thanks for your help.”

UGGHHH.  Now I had to email that I understand and that we would be happy to meet in a park for an hour.  Now my afternoon will be spent awkwardly with some man I’ve never met.  These are the little episodes my mother never had to deal with.  In the old days all Dads went to work, but even if they worked nights or something allowed them to be home during the days, then they would get another job or build decks around the house and maintain their lawn to perfection.  They wouldn’t sip a latte at the park with my mother (and by “park” I mean the backyard with a metal swing-set and a ball for my brother.)

So off I go to waste almost 2 hours at a park with this guy making small talk.  Thank Jesus I have a sparkling personality and get along with almost anyone!!! (NOT)  And the guy is perfectly fine and nice – but I don’t care.  I don’t care if he was Brad Pitt, I am not interested in hanging out with him.  I have THINGS TO DO!!  Just because you are the only man I know that has NOTHING TO DO but go on play “dates” with women that you don’t know…..

“Well I don’t think I will make that meeting I have to run home for my playgroup, and then I have Kindermusik at 3.”

So of course, he promptly emails me for another “date” and I keep blowing him off until he finally gives up.  Then everywhere I went all winter– I would see him!! It became a joke, my husband would say “Your friend is here.” And there he would be, ice skating randomly one random morning, at a hockey game, in the hallway waiting for our teacher conferences!   The other day I was picking up my kindergartner from school in a huge rush and practically ran by him and said “Hello,” as I passed.  He called after me,

“So could Michael have a play-date with us soon?”

I said “Sure,” and kept running.  Can this guy take a hint?

Look dude – there are a few issues here:

A – You and I have both made some poor choices regarding our careers resulting in our spouses making significantly more money than us.  So much so that we have been designated of more worth home with the children.  It sucks sometimes, you’re bored, …I get it.  However, I have my own husband’s ego to stroke.  I’m not on this earth to entertain you and your kids…I sometimes wonder if I’m even qualified to entertain my own 2 kids, and my husband will vouch in that I rarely entertain him.

B – Join a “Stay-at-home Dads” group – and hang out with them if you need to be with your kids all the time.  But in case you haven’t noticed you have 2 six-year-olds that are in full-day kindergarten. They are self-reliant and almost in first grade.  Don’t you think they can go on a play date without you?

C – Having already established that the kids are in school all day, this leads me to my third point.  Tony Danza called, he wants his apron back.  Get a fucking job and stop bothering me.

I linked this post to Adventures in Mommyhood:


15 responses »

  1. The best one yet…Sounds like you should order at least a dozen aprons!

  2. OK that is weird!! It’s bad enough when some whack job mom wants to hang out, but another woman’s husband? Stay at home husband? OMFG.

  3. omg… before I even got to the Gordon Gekko pic I already had “greasy slimeball” in my head.
    It’s one thing when a playdate involves hanging out with one of your girlfriends… but some random DUDE?! Not cool.

  4. so I really am a feminist or at the very least a pseudo type feminist and I am just concerned with the equal money and rights and once we have that I am really not interested in having a play date with another Dad…this is becoming an epidemic..My husband said yes to a play date with another child and then the dad emailed me and said he would be staying and loves to drink green tea and by the way did we wear shoes in our house?? WTF??? Funny I had to work that day and my husband hosted this tea party and never made a play date again!

  5. Hi Lady Goo Goo Gaga! Btw love the name. I’ve never come across a stay-at-home dad where I’m from (Malaysia) but I’m sure there are many out there. But this guy is so funny. ANd you’re funny for trying to avoid him. Enjoyed reading your post. Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting!

  6. I’m with you. Although I work outside the home I avoid anything resembling a weekend playdate because I don’t need to hang out. Plus, my kid’s BFF’s mother thinks she’s a witch. I mean a real witch. You can’t make that up.

  7. Hilarious. Your husband sounds a little too nonchalant. Maybe it would be fun to give him something to worry about! My husband would have tracked this character down and beat the shit out of him. Too weird.

  8. Eileen, I’m going to show my husband your comment…I agree!! Lol

  9. That is by far one of the weirdest things ever. My oldest is only 2, so I don’t have the self-sufficient children yet, but that is SUPER weird.

    Stopping by from PYHO.

  10. I feel your pain, sister. My cousin and her husband came to visit with their kid a few years back and I said, “Great! I’ll get a sitter!” So the kids don’t get bored, right?! (I’m no Julie McCoy.) Anyway, her husband decided his kid couldn’t hang with my sitter, so he FOLLOWED HER AROUND my house, my yard, the neighborhood when she tried to escape with the kids and a wagon, God bless her. I’ve got some extra aprons lying about if you need ’em.

  11. OMG! You have to be kidding me! I have to say, I would have said to your husband, “If you don’t have a problem with it, then great! I’ll set up a playdate with you and him for this weekend!” Let’s see how he’ll take it!

  12. lol to funny y did i not hear about this?? i could only imagine but really what was his point in staying i mean cmon i bet he thought you were beautiful like you are but still that screems WEIRDO!!! Cant wait till my little one goes to school so i run into adventures like this=) i cant stop laughing right noe

  13. I am SO glad to have found your blog from Mama Kat! This post literally had me laughing out loud. You are a very talented writer! I’ll definitely be following you!


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