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Riches to Rags

I recently did what I call my seasonal “rag rotation.” It’s when I put away my winter “rags” and take out my summer “rags.” I don’t know quite how I got to this point…..

It began obviously enough, when I first got pregnant in 2005, my maternity clothes moved into my closet. I gently nudged my “real” clothes to the side, knowing that I would be wearing them again in 9 months. YEAH RIGHT!!

Little did I know that most of my tops would be “half-shirts” when I ever got around to trying them on. Oh – well great news – half-shirts are back in style!!

Picture this but where J LO has a nice smooth belly, imagine a huge muffin top hanging over the sides….not good.

Sometimes I found a shirt that fit, but it would immediately be destroyed by formula, spit up, etc. So I started shopping at the OLD NAVY for disposable clothing, figuring I would go back to my stylish self when I was done being fat.

Except I got pregnant again, and seasons kept coming and going and I never threw out my “disposable clothing.” What I actually did throw out was my designer half-shirts, and settled into my “mommy uniform.” (long-sleeve t-shirt, jeans and UGGS in winter, wife beater, capri, and flip-flop in summer)

I pretty much just checked out. Even my “rags” starting getting ratty. Apparently when you get on your knees to zip jackets, tie shoes and change diapers 500 times a day the knees of your jeans can actually get worn away. But when you pay up to $200 for said jeans you just wear them anyway.

“Oh, um Bon Jovi called….he wants his jeans back.” my husband greeted me one day.
“That’s the style!” I protested weakly.
(See below…See this is exactly how I look when I leave my pedicure and go to pick up my preschooler….what’s so bad about that??)

One time I even cut them into shorts in an attempt to salvage my favorite pair of jeans.

“Nice jorts.” was my husband’s comment that day.
“What’s a jort?” I asked.
“A jean short.” he answered matter-of-factly.
Ok – when my husband, who currently wears sunglasses that he got at the gas station, makes fun of me, things are very bad.

But now the problem is that I am so far gone, I don’t even know where to begin!! Apparently if you are wearing “jorts” and a “Who Farted” t-shirt its pretty hard to navigate your way back into fashion.

“I think we have to start shopping at Ann Taylor.” my best friend said to me recently.
“What? Why? What are we going to get there? Slacks and a blouse?”
“I don’t know, but any mom I know that looks put-together shops at Ann Taylor or Ann Taylor Loft.” she answered.

How did I get here? When I worked in NYC I was always pining away for a new bag, shoe, or pair of jeans. Any spare pennies I had were applied towards clothes, make-up, shoes, expensive hair-cuts, skin-care, waxing, etc., etc….the list was endless. I used to love going to Brasserie 8 1/2 because you could eat an egg off the bar for dinner, and spend your only $15 on a cosmo, and not worry about starving to death. This was around the time I bought my first pair of Chanel shoes. They were gorgeous and worth every rumble of my stomach.

Now look at me. My Chanel shoes are in a box in my husband’s closet,(my closet is filled with UGGS and flip-flops) along with all the other relics from my past. There are some shoes and clothes I just can’t give up, and keep hope alive that they might fit someday.

In the meantime, if you are looking for me, I will be at Ann Taylor Loft.

I linked up with Adventures in Mommyhood for


23 responses »

  1. Funny, but so true. I think when you have to go back to work after you have children you are forced to get back to your “normal” clothes quickly.

  2. I know – thats why those Ann Taylor moms always look so good!! LOL

  3. soooo funny. I am currently wearing one of those pre pregnancy “half-tops” at work rignt now. Paired with a long undershirt(to give me the length I need) and a big sweater(to cover up the muffin top)! What? This look isn’t working!?!

  4. Actually I just pulled out and dusted off my “jorts” to get ready for summer. I didn’t realize they a) had a name and b) were not cool.

  5. This is so ridiculous because number one, 2 of my citizens jeans have holes in the knees and I am considering making them “cropped” so the rip isn’t so out of place….AND cleaned up at the Ann Taylor Loft 40% off everything sale..especially on havaianas.
    I guess all moms think alike. wondering if anybody has the mysterious hole in shirt problem where the button of your jeans rubs on your shirt and rips tiny holes because you are so fat that the button sticks out and has no give.

  6. My jeans have holes in them and I’m wearing flip flops. hahaha

    • I’m so glad to find out I’m not the only one!!

      • So is it better or worse that the inner thighs of my jeans got holes from my flabby thighs rubbing together? And how about the fact that I just covered these holes with iron-on patches so I could wear my Citizens for another few months? I think I just upped the ante here.

      • Lol, ok the patch definitely ups the ante!!! I’m so excited that everyone has ripped jeans!

  7. LOL! I love how our fashion priorities change after we become moms!

  8. Oh how I can relate! I think I might have to join you at Ann Taylor Loft. 😉

    WW: Curriculum Fair Fun with YoYo’s

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  10. Thanks to this post, I just spent way too much at Ann Taylor Loft!

  11. So apparently I am not alone in this! Thanks for leading me to read this it helped a little 🙂

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  13. I’m in total mommy look fashion crisis as well, except I don’t have the Chanel shoes in my closet to mourn after instead I’ll just be jealous of yours. 😉

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