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What I Learned 2012


As I looked back over my blog entries for 2012 I realized that it has been a long and interesting year.

I have learned a lot about myself and more importantly about all of you and what you find interesting and what you can relate to.

My most-read post of the year was my letter, “Dear Beyonce” which was posted after she rented an entire floor of a hospital in New York City to give birth to her child.

I actually received a lot of hate comments for that one, as well as praise.  If you review the comments you will notice some insane Beyonce lovers chimed in…..

Was this post so popular because those of us who are mothers like to warn new moms what to expect?

Or is it sadly that we have become a celebrity-obsessed culture that reads US Weekly as regularly and whole-heartedly as generations before us would read Time and Newsweek?  That we are just so obsessed with every minute detail of the lives of the rich and famous that we tune in to read about anything diva-related?

Sadly, as an avid US Weekly reader, I think it’s the latter.

In the beginning of last year, I was grappling with how to work and maintain my household, my sanity and not let looks go completely down the toilet.

This is me making a quick run to the grocery store after getting home late from work.........

This is me making a quick run to the grocery store after getting home late from work………with blatant disregard for my moustache and camel-toe…..

In the spring, I hadn’t much headway in the looks department, but I had at least stopped working as much so I had time to sleep.  I shared how I still am trying to catch up on sleep I lost when I was breastfeeding.

I also, shared a tale of how I was sleeping so soundly that I didn’t wake up in time to save my poor brother from seeing my boob hanging out of my shirt one morning.

I have mentioned before how my boobs have really become deformed since the children destroyed my body from head to toe….my poor, poor brother.

I am pretty sure this is what my brother saw – except I have a lighter skin-tone and I wasn’t holding that stick…..Also – my wife beater was from the Old Navy, not her fancy cow one….

I am pretty sure this is what my brother saw – except I have a lighter skin-tone and I wasn’t holding that stick…..Also – my wife beater was from the Old Navy, not her fancy cow one….

This spring, as 50 Shades of Grey hit the shelves, I learned a lot about trends in America for women.  First, I was shocked to discover that apparently everyone just has oodles of time to sit home and masturbate all day while they fantasize about being handcuffed and beaten.

Who knew?

breakfast bubble

Then, just as I was recovering from this news, I had to find out that women right and left were chowing down on their own placenta.  

As if that wasn’t offensive enough, “ways of feeding American children” reached a new low when Alicia Silverstone was all over the news demonstrating how she chews up food and spits it into her child’s mouth.

This kind of weird parenting could result in children that are complete freaks.

They could end up being total cry babies, that whine and complain about everything….

This was the behavior that basically every child exhibited on my son’s baseball team this summer.

Oh and while the boys roam the fields looking for mushrooms and shit their pants while they are running to the wrong base, their parents could care less.

It was absolutely astonishing. Hopefully next season will be better!

This dad of one of the players, put his IPhone in his pocket for a minute, looked up and realized that his son was in the outfield picking flowers and had shit his pants, so he quickly started got on his phone again......

This dad of one of the players, put his iPhone in his pocket for a minute, looked up and realized that his son was in the outfield picking flowers and had shit his pants, so he quickly started got on his phone again……

After baseball was over, we went on a crazy “vacation” with my in-laws, and then went to the beach for the rest of the summer, which was lovely.

Then we started to get ready for back-to-school, which is when I noticed how offensive the Pottery Barn Kids catalogue was…..

In the classic Pottery Barn style which aims to make us feel badly about our homes, bedding, and lives….the PB Kids version, now aims to make us feel bad about our kids lunches and what we put them in……

Please note that the sandwich has been fashioned into some sort of exotic daisy and a dipping sauce has been made available as part of Blair's very balanced meal....

Please note that the sandwich has been fashioned into some sort of exotic daisy and a dipping sauce has been made available as part of Blair’s very balanced meal….If any kindergartener had any doubt about if Blair’s mother loved her or not…I think it will be quite clear after this lunch is revealed……

In October, we were yet again devastated by a storm.

You would think we would be prepared since the last storm, but we weren’t.

So I had to brave the stores searching for batteries and water.  It wasn’t pretty.

Don't be fooled, under that pillow this lady was hiding 75 packages of D Batteries and 8 flashlights.

Don’t be fooled, under that pillow this lady was hiding 75 packages of D Batteries and 8 flashlights.

We survived with minimal damage, but I hosted my Thanksgiving run and raised money for victims of Storm Sandy in New York.

In December, I have taken a lot of time to reflect on life and the world that we live in after the absolutely heart-breaking school shooting that happened here in Connecticut.

We have a lot to think about and change to make sure that our children can grow up safe and happy and healthy.

But when I had a spare moment during the holidays, I did have time to make fun of people who decorate their vehicles with antlers and noses.

What does this even mean? Your vehicle is a reindeer? Does your car pull a sleigh? Will your car fly on Christmas Eve?? Why are you doing this?? WHY????

What does this even mean? Your vehicle is a reindeer? Does your car pull a sleigh? Will your car fly on Christmas Eve?? Why are you doing this?? WHY????

In closing, it has been a great year for Lady Goo Goo Gaga, and I hope to continue learning and growing and sharing my stories.

Thank you all for reading every week!! And for CLICKING ON THE BANNER BELOW!!!!

Please leave me a comment letting me know what was your favorite post of 2012….BESIDES “DEAR BEYONCE!!!”

Happy New Year!! XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

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“Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?”


The problem with “stay-cations” is that they are really just about “staying”  and not really much about  “cationing.” 

You stay home, cooking and cleaning and yelling at your kids, and then you say “I am on a “stay-cation!” and that’s supposed to change anything??

One good thing is that the weather was absolutely glorious this week – which was lovely, especially after Mr. Gaga and my brother worked 5 long days to put together our new playground!! 

At the end of the week – I got to have an actual girls’ getaway – with my sister-in-law and mother at the Waldorf Astoria.  I was looking forward to shopping, being pampered at Drybar and eating and drinking at amazing restaurants, like Le Cirque and  Il Buco Alimentari e Vineria

Life is great.

Only one problem.

My usual problem.

My rags.

I have been able to sneak by with fashion choices during the past few years – that have kept me somewhat in style. 

Mostly due to luck (thank you boyfriend blazer, Juicy Couture, UGGS, and ballet flats.) 

It was like fashion magic that as soon as I was too weak and fat to wear a heel or a pant with a button, the styles changed to suit my needs. 

And thank you, Pamela, for making it perfectly acceptable to wear UGGS with any outfit and making it cool to look like a lunatic while running errands....

It seems that the party is over.

Apparently while I was home wearing wifebeaters and flip-flops for 7 years,  the rest of the world time-traveled to 1985.

I totally had not realized that we had gone back to the 80’s  – and I needed clothes for my NYC stay. 

“Where should I go? I don’t even know what to do, I am such an old weathered nerd….” I asked my BF. 

What is your damage, Gaga?  Didn’t you blog about this a year ago and say you were going to Ann Taylor Loft?” she asked.

“Oh right….I never did that.”

This is always what happens to me.  I get by with my t-shirts and jeans and then when I have to go somewhere I am in trouble.

So off I went to Forever 21 and H&M to get something cool and trendy.

The entire store was filled with 80’s fashions.

80’s fashions were hard to pull off in the actual 80’s when I was 10.

This was my absolute favorite outfit circa 1988. I made these "jorts" myself - and my aunt made that Madonna t-shirt in art class- and we cut it into a half shirt. I distinctly remember laying on my bed and pulling the zipper up on those bad boys with a wire hanger. I don't really have that kind of time anymore.......

It is extremely hard to pull of now that I am in my 30’s, fat, have a muffin top……older.

Let’s just say that when you want nothing more than to look like this……

If you are an old weathered housewife – it ends up looking like this……

Apparently women that are still occasionally asked when they are due – do not look good in skin-tight neon pink pants and half shirts.

I came home defeated wearing a new black jacket and more wifebeaters.

What are you wearing?” asked Mr. Gaga.

” A jacket. It used to belong to Jimi Hendrix.” I replied.

“You bought a used jacket? What are we, poor?”

I decided I would just shop when I got to New York…. you know the land of skinny women who are on top of every trend. 

That was a totally awesome idea! 

NOT.

My sister-in-law and I went to Saks first, thinking it wouldn’t be as absurd as Forever 21.

When we arrived I realized that Saks had time traveled to the 80’s as well.  As I looked through the piles of colored neon pants, leggings with lace on the bottom and half shirts – I couldn’t believe my eyes.  I think I even say a t-shirt on it that said “RELAX.”

“I feel like I have already been down this road.” I said with shock to my sister-in-law, as I looked through a pile of jelly bracelets.

Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” she answered cryptically.

“Huh?”

The store was filled with 80’s pants and I tried to narrow down my choices….

I finally narrowed it down to these 10.....

I asked a young man to help me choose something appropriate.  You should wear these – he said picking up the hot pink pair of skinny jeans.

“I don’t think so…” I answered.

“You should listen to me – I have been here for 7 1/2 years…I’m no dummy.” he answered.

I politely declined.

I finally settled on a coral cropped pair and paired it with coral nails and lips.  I considered a Swatch watch but felt it was too ridiculous and just picked up some feather earrings instead.   We spent HOURS shopping and we finally had some trendy pieces to work with.

We were so happy we finally had found a good outfit that we could wear to dinner that could also be worn when we take the kids to the park or playdates.....

I picked up some Rubix Cubes and some Garbage Pail Kids for Sam and Michael and headed back to the hotel to get ready.  We continued to enjoy our luxurious weekend of eating and drinking.

By the time I got home I was fully relaxed, completely comfortable with my new 80’s fashions and feeling very pampered.

I was thrust back to reality right when I came home to see filthy bedrooms with Lego pieces everywhere, laundry to the ceiling, and no food in the refrigerator.

I looked at Mr. Gaga who was watching a game.

“I don’t belong here, I feel it, don’t you think I feel it! I can’t do any of these vile things and I wouldn’t WANT to. Oh, my life is like death! My children are the spawn of hell, and you’re the devil. Oh God!”

He looked up at me and then looked back at the television.

Corn nuts.

So in honor of the fact that we have time-traveled to the 80’s I felt compelled to incorporate 6 movie quotes from the 80’s……

What are some of your favorite quote from the 80’s???

Wardrobe Malfunction


My kids just went to NY with their father to visit with my in-laws without me.  The plan was for my in-laws to take them to a family party while my husband went to the Mets game.  I did all the packing of course, with clear guidelines about what clothing was to be worn to the party. 

When they came home this morning the party clothes were in the bag, clean as a whistle, untouched.  I asked the kids what they wore to the party. 

Michael said “My super-heros shirt.” 

Sam said “My Unicorn shirt.” (I’m sure Ralph Lauren would be thrilled to know that his polo player emblem could be easily mistaken for a unicorn.)

By the way, the clothes they were talking about were the ones they wore to school on FRIDAY, when it was 85 degrees, and then sat in a car with them for 4 hours to  NY.

“Um – those clothes were dirty.” I said with horror.

They both looked up at me innocently, “We know….we just kept wearing dirty clothes all weekend.” Michael said with a shrug.

Ok – it’s not the end of the world, but I would prefer if my kids didn’t go to family parties with people that we don’t see a lot, wearing dirty, filthy “Unicorn” and super-hero shirts like a couple of homeless people.

I threw the bag down and went in the backyard to question my husband.  Michael followed me trying to protect his Dad…”No Mom, it was all Granny’s fault!”

“Um – the kids said that your mother made them wear their dirty clothes to the party instead of the nice clothes I packed.” I said, hoping for a logical explanation.

He was leaned over filling up the kiddie pool, sweating. 

He looked up – rolled his eyes, and said “They’re lying.”

Ok – it’s Father’s Day – I decided to let it go.

I went inside to help the kids get into their bathing suits.  I told them to take off their cargo shorts and shirts and leave them on the bed to change back into after they were done with the pool. 

“But we have been wearing these clothes forever!” Michael
said.

“Yeah – these are our pajamas,” Sam said as he tossed them into the hamper.

“What are you talking about?” I demanded.

“Mom – Granny made us wear these clothes as our pajamas last night.” Michael said with a horrified voice for effect.

What the hell goes on? Why would small children be put to bed in khakis?

I didn’t push it with my husband – seeing as it is Father’s Day and all.

Later my sister-in-law called and I told her the story – she laughed and said “It’s worse than you think – Sam went to the party in just a wife-beater.  His other shirt got
dirty at the park.”

This is a picture of my 4-year-old at the graduation party - that's appropriate right?

Ok – nobody was hurt and my MIL made a point to tell me that she bathed them twice, and she watched them, etc.  But really – sending my preschooler to a party like a crystal
meth addict and my 5-year-old to bed in heavy constrictive clothing is CRAZY!!  Mothers cannot leave their children’s side for a minute!!  

This is the "pajama top" my son wore to bed with his cargo shorts......

I was going to go on and on about how I can’t trust my husband to make sure things get done properly; but that would not be nice in the spirit of Father’s Day.  I will save that for another post.

The fact is – even though Moms usually do everything perfectly – there are some times when Dads come in quite
handy.  He does the yard work, he kills the bugs, he puts together toys, he grills, he takes out the garbage, he plays sports, the list goes on and on of activities and chores that I refuse to do – and thank God – he does!  

I love my husband – and even though he (and his family) have no regard for my wardrobe guidelines or proper party attire he is a great Dad. We are lucky to have him (upstairs right now doing air guitar with the boys to music) while I finish my blog.

Happy Father’s Day!!!  Please click the banner below!! 
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LADY GOO GOO GAGA a vote!!  THANKS!!!

REPOSTING THIS FOR LITTLE TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE FOR

F.U. FRIDAY!!!

and MAMA KAT’S WRITING WORKSHOP

10 things I love about you…


This post is written for a writing prompt from Mama Kat at Mama’s Losin It; in honor of my son S turning 4 next week! I cannot believe how fast this went!

So here goes – 10 thing I love about you…..

1 – Your infectious laugh – It started when you were just 10 months old, you laughed in a restaurant and the whole restaurant stopped talking and started laughing with you!

2 – Your “Jersey Shore –like” tendencies – like your affinity to wearing wife-beaters and the perfect tan that you were magically born with. The fact that when you were 2 years old you requested “sausage and coffee” for your birthday breakfast and that you pretty much refused to wear anything besides velour Puma track suits for a solid year.

Here you are at age 2 - Sauce stain and all.....

 3 – Your dance moves – Your fist pumping (see #2) and booty shaking brings a smile to my face every time.

4 – Your love for your mama – That you would rather be home with me all day doing nothing, than pretty much any other activity I bring to the table, secretly warms my heart.

5 – Your charm – Everywhere you go – you manage to have a following – (usually females!)

6 – Your ability to know every lyric of every song that you have ever heard – (Even if it’s S&M by Rihanna – and thank God those are your initials and I could tell you that it was a song about you……)

7 – Your love for music by all artists – that you know all the lyrics to the Beastie Boys songs  and also have a Bruce Springsteen poster up in your room.  That when people ask you who your favorite singer is you say “The Boss.”

This is "The Boss" Halloween costume I had to make on the fly when you were 2 - because you refused to wear your $50 Lightening McQueen costume

 8 – Your adoration for your big brother. That you ask me all day when he is going to be home and that your face lights up when you see him every time.

9 – Your inability to say  the right words.   Like when you tell me you are only going into the water up to your “nickels,” and that only “goyls” like Justin “Beaver.”

10 – Your honesty – When I told you that I would probably cry when you turned 4 because you aren’t my baby anymore – You said “OK – but not at the party because people will think that’s annoying.”

Happy Birthday to my baby boy!!

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