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Angry legos are destroying childhood


We are at the bitter end of summer.

There are a few more days of freedom.

A few more nights of drinking wine and eating late dinners under the stars while the kids ride their bikes and eat ice creams at ungodly hours.

When school starts it’s back to reality.
Back to driving children around to various practices, lessons, and birthday parties. Back to being surrounded by annoying parents that hover over their children making sure that their lives are perfect.

Even though a couple of weeks ago I said I was dreading making lunches the most…in actuality I hate helicopter parenting more than lunches.

My biggest gripe with helicopter parents is that I just don’t know how they have so much time. They spend their days scurrying about making sure that their children do not experience anything unpleasant.

I don’t understand why I barely have time to clean my house and do the laundry, yet they magically have time to worry themselves over nonsense.

They run around making sure that their kid’s dolls don’t look like whores, that their kid’s sandwiches look like daisies and that their children believe that they won in sports even when they are big fat losers.

In the latest show of insane American parenting, I was recently greeted with a disturbing article about Legos.

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Apparently, studies have been done and the fact that Lego guys sometimes have frowny faces can possibly cause tension or aggression in children.  Parents are upset by this latest revelation.

I have two boys who are obsessed with Legos.

There’s not one room of my house that doesn’t have some little brick in it.  I have spent many mornings cursing the Lego Corporation after stepping on legos in my bare feet.

They are a pain in the ass to clean up and keep organized and until I had my trusty Bissell, I would accidentally vacuum them up.

I totally get how Legos can be annoying.

But to be upset because the Lego guys are in bad moods? Really?

First of all let’s get something straight. Legos occupy my children for hours and hours on end. I don’t give two flying shits what their facial expression is. I don’t care if the Lego guy is giving the finger…as long as they are playing and not bothering me.

Apparently, parents would like the Lego guys to be in good moods and be pleasant, smiling, law-abiding citizens.  Well what will that teach children?  Is it a good lesson for kids to believe that everyone is just going to be super-smiley and happy all the time?

Sometimes people are miserable assholes…and apparently so are legos.

Sorry kids - everyone can't be smiling astronauts, knights and lesbians all the time....

Sorry kids – everyone can’t be smiling astronauts, knights and lesbians all the time….

Also, has anyone taken a little gander at dolls lately?

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They can sell a little panda with this doll all they want – it won’t change the fact that she is extremely angry and unpleasant to be around.

Why is it ok for the dolls today to be raging whores with attitude problems and the lego guys can’t be a little rough around the edges??

Guess what everybody…..there’s a lot going on these days.

There’s some stuff in this world that could make even the happiest of people have a frown.

That’s life!

Sometimes life sucks.  Sometimes people make a bad face.

Some people are dicks and apparently so are Lego guys.

Maybe this guy is perfectly nice...Who are we to judge?

Maybe this guy is perfectly nice…Who are we to judge?

Like I have said many times before….can’t we all find something else to do or be upset about?
Overprotective parents and overzealous researchers should turn their attentions to important matters and just face reality.

It’s not a big deal….it’s just that like them, some Legos are just assholes.

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Even our Snowmen are Guidos


I am back – hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!!

The dust is settling here and I am coming out of an antipasto-induced coma and assessing how best to  return things I don’t like,

 throw the Nerf Guns in the garbage without the kids noticing, 

put things away.

I have spent a good part of the past two months complaining about how filthy my house is, how I step on little tiny LEGO pieces all over my house, and how I have to clean everything myself because my husband is too busy tailgating

Somehow – nobody cares.

None of you have offered to clean for me.

Nobody sent a cleaning service over.

Sigh.

Now coupled with my usual troubles of keeping a semi-clean house – I have to deal with scraps of wrapping paper, MORE toys everywhere, and the tree.

Well – somebody finally came to my rescue!!!  Just in time for pine needle season!!

Bissell.

I love you Bissell.

They sent me the BISSELL Perfect Sweep Turbo to help me pick up LEGOS!!! and anything else that needs a quick sweep. 

A major part of my problem is that I don’t want to go to the closet and get out my huge vacuum, so instead I just watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills surrounded by filth.

But now I have this Perfect Sweep Turbo- I have no excuse not to use it – this is like a modern-day dustbuster.

Mr. Gaga always says we need a dustbuster - now we just grab it from the porch and vacuum everything up – no plugging in.  And it is great at picking up those little annoying LEGOS! 

With the Perfect Sweep Turbo you can see exactly what you’re sweeping up and can easily pull it out of the container.  I mean it when I tell you -  I LOVE THIS PRODUCT. (Which you all probably already have because you are good at housekeeping.)

And now – as I tried to get organized and put things away – I got around to opening Michael’s backpack which was jam-packed with papers that I hadn’t had time to look at.

In the pile was a book that he had been working on throughout December at school.  This project entailed him writing and illustrating a book about a snowman.

When I was growing up I just wanted to listen to Cyndi Lauper or Madonna in the car and my parents would be listening to Imus or the WDRC 106.9 the Oldies station.

Mr. Gaga and I are NOT like that. WE ARE VERY COOL HIP PARENTS.  We listen to “top 40″ and pop music and we know who Nicki Minaj is and are known to have dance parties with the kids.  We pretty much listen to everything – except gangsta rap.

So of course, Michael would think nothing of creating a story about a snowman that comes to life and starts to sing and dance.  I’m also sure it would seem perfectly logical for him to sing “I’m Sexy and I Know it.”

This is Michael's snowman on his way home from the Shish Lounge in West Hartford.....

So he was quite taken aback when his teacher made him change his story – because “That is not an appropriate word for a first-grader.”

He changed it to "I'm Coldy and I know it...."

Ummm….does that also mean it’s not appropriate for my kids to rip their clothes off and dance to that song in their underwear, gyrating their hips like they are Chippendales dancers?

Darn it.

I guess I will have to add to my better parenting New Year’s Resolution list – #43 – NO STRIP SHOWS TO “I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT.”

Linking to http://www.thingicantsay.com

PLEASE CLICK ON THE BANNER BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME AS THE FUNNIEST MOM EVER!!!  ALTHOUGH MY CHILDREN LISTEN TO INAPPROPRIATE LYRICS, AT LEAST I’M FUNNY……..

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