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Lady’s Favorite Things


So this is like Oprah’s Favorite things, except that I am just a little bit fat and not rich like Oprah…..and except 50 favorite things I have like 8…..and of the 8, I am only giving away one thing to one person…..so don’t get too excited.

A friend who is newly pregnant for the first time was complaining that she didn’t know what to ask her husband to get her for Christmas.

“Get something luxurious – because this is it for you sister…” I said knowingly.

“No way!!!” she responded not-knowingly.

I then guided her through Nordstrom pointing out some items to ask for that she would never think of until it was too late.

This has inspired me to compile a list of items to add to your wish list to help you survive motherhood….

Before you have children you have no idea how they will ruin you mentally and physically.

It is not something that happens overnight.

The graying, the aging, the dark-circling, the overall weathering….it’s a slow process.

When all is said and done, when your last child goes into school full-day, you will finally have a minute to look in the mirror and you will be frightened at what you see.

I remember thinking I looked completely hideous when Michael was a baby.

I look back at pictures from that time and I realize I looked like Gisele then compared to what I look like now.

There are ways to keep things somewhat under control….here are some tips:

#1 – UNDEREYE CONCEALER -I actually speak of this in my blog bio page - because I truly consider it a survival tool for motherhood.  Particularly Cle de Peau concealer, which retails for $70.  It is worth EVERY PENNY!!  It’s like a night’s sleep in a tube.

#2 – RAIN BOOTS - Somehow I avoided water and weather for 25 years.

Upon having children, every doctor’s appointment, music class and preschool time will magically coincide with torrential downpours.

My Tory Burch Rainboots are one of my best investments.  They get me out of a lot of jams….

boots

They can be Burberry or Hunter boots or Target…it doesn’t matter the brand…just do it.

It’s not enough that we are fat and tired??

The least we can do is have dry feet for god sakes.

3 – Keurig Coffeemaker - When my in-laws got this for us a couple of years ago, I was thinking I didn’t really need it and it would take up counter space.

Oh how wrong I was. I do need it.  You know how you offer a hot beverage to a mom or a kid when they are at your house for a playdate and they take you up on it??  That’s why you need this.

Or when you are running late and you don’t have time for the whole deal with the coffee pot?

Do it.

4 – Keratin Treatment - I have mentioned in the past how my hair resembles a dobie pad.    When you have small children and limited time to take care of yourself – and you have the same hair as Whoopi Goldberg this can be problematic.

This is the famous picture of me before I started doing keratin treatments....

This is the famous picture of me before I started doing keratin treatments….

Keratin is my friend.  These treatments allow me to go days without washing or blow-drying my hair.  It can be your friend too.  It can be pricey for treatments in the salon, but you can also try an at-home treatment.  You can enter to win a free one at http://theglossgirls.com

You’re welcome.

5 – Bissell Perfect Sweep Turbo - Listen – we all know I am not winning any cleaning awards anytime soon.  This little electric sweeper is the best thing to come into my household in a long time.  It actually can sweep up everything on bare floors or rugs with ease…including ……LEGOS!!!!!

bissell

Bissell was so kind to give me a complimentary sweeper last year - and since then countless friends and family have purchased one and loved them!!

6 – Waterproof Eye makeup:  – So somewhere between the lack of sleep, the hurried getting ready in the morning and the torrential downpours, there comes a need for waterproof eye makeup.

I totally had it together before the kids.  I had my cosmetics routine down pat.

Somehow the new wrinkles and puffs that children brought to my eye area, as well as the lack of time to do nice eye makeup – resulted in a black smudged mascara and liner all around my eyes on the daily.

If you think looking like a heroin addict is a cute look for the children’s library class, you are sadly mistaken.

The worst is when you don’t even realize you look like a lunatic until you get back into your car and you have already chatted it up with 5 moms and the librarian.

Sure, I would love to set up a playdate! Your house or mine??

Sure, I would love to set up a playdate! Your house or mine??

My absolute FAVORITE waterproof eye makeup tool is the Laura Mercier Caviar Stick...It can be eyeliner and shadow and it will not budge all day long.

I am giving one of you a Laura Mercier Caviar Stick in Smoke ($24) this week just because I love you…(see below for details)

Caviar_Stick_Smoke_4

7 – UGGS  -I truly don’t know what mothers did before UGGS were invented.  Pamela Anderson started the trend for moms to wear UGGS with anything and everything and thank God.  What would moms wear to the bus stop in the old days? KEDS? A heel??

Thanks again Pamela for being the voice of reason for moms across America......

Thanks again Pamela for being the voice of reason for moms across America……

It doesn’t matter if you think they are ugly.

It also doesn’t matter if they are no longer in style.

It’s a non-negotiable piece of “Mom-footwear.” Put one toe into these bad boys and there’s no going back.  Once your feet are inside these soft boots filled with what feels like clouds from heaven,  you won’t care if you look like Gene Simmons.

Come to think of it, with the makeup all over his face, the underwear with metal spikes on it in case your husband gets an ideas, the bad hair, and the ugly boots...Gene Simmons should be the mascot for motherhood.....

Come to think of it, with the makeup all over his face, the underwear with metal spikes on it to keep romance at bay, the bad hair, and the ugly boots…Gene Simmons should be the mascot for motherhood…..

And finally my number one item topping the list is something that I don’t have yet, but I know I should.  It is consistently on my to-get list, and I just never get around to doing it.

A CLEANING LADY!!!

I just never get around to hiring one and the next thing I know the bathrooms are disgusting and the Hoarders crew is at my house trying to interview me…..Sigh.

Now to the fun part -

If you SIGN UP FOR MY TWEETS  (@lgoogoogaga) you get one entry and

if  you LIKE ME ON FACEBOOK you get another entry towards the

LAURA MERCIER CAVIAR STICK that will change your life and ensure that you don’t look like a crystal meth addict the next time you are stuck in rain running errands…..

Winner will be picked randomly (US AND CANADA ONLY) between now and Sunday December 16th at 5 PM!

As a sidenote – none of the products mentioned above have been sent to me for review except for my BISSELL…..which frankly I think is just rude……

All of the opinions and mentions are my own opinion and I think you should listen to me – because I know what I am talking about…..just sayin.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

PLEASE SHARE ON FACEBOOK!!! YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MIGHT NEED SOME HELP WITH THEIR WISH LISTS THIS SEASON!!!!!

“Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?”


The problem with “stay-cations” is that they are really just about “staying”  and not really much about  “cationing.” 

You stay home, cooking and cleaning and yelling at your kids, and then you say “I am on a “stay-cation!” and that’s supposed to change anything??

One good thing is that the weather was absolutely glorious this week – which was lovely, especially after Mr. Gaga and my brother worked 5 long days to put together our new playground!! 

At the end of the week – I got to have an actual girls’ getaway – with my sister-in-law and mother at the Waldorf Astoria.  I was looking forward to shopping, being pampered at Drybar and eating and drinking at amazing restaurants, like Le Cirque and  Il Buco Alimentari e Vineria

Life is great.

Only one problem.

My usual problem.

My rags.

I have been able to sneak by with fashion choices during the past few years – that have kept me somewhat in style. 

Mostly due to luck (thank you boyfriend blazer, Juicy Couture, UGGS, and ballet flats.) 

It was like fashion magic that as soon as I was too weak and fat to wear a heel or a pant with a button, the styles changed to suit my needs. 

And thank you, Pamela, for making it perfectly acceptable to wear UGGS with any outfit and making it cool to look like a lunatic while running errands....

It seems that the party is over.

Apparently while I was home wearing wifebeaters and flip-flops for 7 years,  the rest of the world time-traveled to 1985.

I totally had not realized that we had gone back to the 80’s  – and I needed clothes for my NYC stay. 

“Where should I go? I don’t even know what to do, I am such an old weathered nerd….” I asked my BF. 

What is your damage, Gaga?  Didn’t you blog about this a year ago and say you were going to Ann Taylor Loft?” she asked.

“Oh right….I never did that.”

This is always what happens to me.  I get by with my t-shirts and jeans and then when I have to go somewhere I am in trouble.

So off I went to Forever 21 and H&M to get something cool and trendy.

The entire store was filled with 80’s fashions.

80’s fashions were hard to pull off in the actual 80’s when I was 10.

This was my absolute favorite outfit circa 1988. I made these "jorts" myself - and my aunt made that Madonna t-shirt in art class- and we cut it into a half shirt. I distinctly remember laying on my bed and pulling the zipper up on those bad boys with a wire hanger. I don't really have that kind of time anymore.......

It is extremely hard to pull of now that I am in my 30’s, fat, have a muffin top……older.

Let’s just say that when you want nothing more than to look like this……

If you are an old weathered housewife – it ends up looking like this……

Apparently women that are still occasionally asked when they are due – do not look good in skin-tight neon pink pants and half shirts.

I came home defeated wearing a new black jacket and more wifebeaters.

What are you wearing?” asked Mr. Gaga.

” A jacket. It used to belong to Jimi Hendrix.” I replied.

“You bought a used jacket? What are we, poor?”

I decided I would just shop when I got to New York…. you know the land of skinny women who are on top of every trend. 

That was a totally awesome idea! 

NOT.

My sister-in-law and I went to Saks first, thinking it wouldn’t be as absurd as Forever 21.

When we arrived I realized that Saks had time traveled to the 80’s as well.  As I looked through the piles of colored neon pants, leggings with lace on the bottom and half shirts – I couldn’t believe my eyes.  I think I even say a t-shirt on it that said “RELAX.”

“I feel like I have already been down this road.” I said with shock to my sister-in-law, as I looked through a pile of jelly bracelets.

Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” she answered cryptically.

“Huh?”

The store was filled with 80’s pants and I tried to narrow down my choices….

I finally narrowed it down to these 10.....

I asked a young man to help me choose something appropriate.  You should wear these – he said picking up the hot pink pair of skinny jeans.

“I don’t think so…” I answered.

“You should listen to me – I have been here for 7 1/2 years…I’m no dummy.” he answered.

I politely declined.

I finally settled on a coral cropped pair and paired it with coral nails and lips.  I considered a Swatch watch but felt it was too ridiculous and just picked up some feather earrings instead.   We spent HOURS shopping and we finally had some trendy pieces to work with.

We were so happy we finally had found a good outfit that we could wear to dinner that could also be worn when we take the kids to the park or playdates.....

I picked up some Rubix Cubes and some Garbage Pail Kids for Sam and Michael and headed back to the hotel to get ready.  We continued to enjoy our luxurious weekend of eating and drinking.

By the time I got home I was fully relaxed, completely comfortable with my new 80’s fashions and feeling very pampered.

I was thrust back to reality right when I came home to see filthy bedrooms with Lego pieces everywhere, laundry to the ceiling, and no food in the refrigerator.

I looked at Mr. Gaga who was watching a game.

“I don’t belong here, I feel it, don’t you think I feel it! I can’t do any of these vile things and I wouldn’t WANT to. Oh, my life is like death! My children are the spawn of hell, and you’re the devil. Oh God!”

He looked up at me and then looked back at the television.

Corn nuts.

So in honor of the fact that we have time-traveled to the 80’s I felt compelled to incorporate 6 movie quotes from the 80’s……

What are some of your favorite quote from the 80’s???

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