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“Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?”


The problem with “stay-cations” is that they are really just about “staying”  and not really much about  “cationing.” 

You stay home, cooking and cleaning and yelling at your kids, and then you say “I am on a “stay-cation!” and that’s supposed to change anything??

One good thing is that the weather was absolutely glorious this week – which was lovely, especially after Mr. Gaga and my brother worked 5 long days to put together our new playground!! 

At the end of the week – I got to have an actual girls’ getaway – with my sister-in-law and mother at the Waldorf Astoria.  I was looking forward to shopping, being pampered at Drybar and eating and drinking at amazing restaurants, like Le Cirque and  Il Buco Alimentari e Vineria

Life is great.

Only one problem.

My usual problem.

My rags.

I have been able to sneak by with fashion choices during the past few years – that have kept me somewhat in style. 

Mostly due to luck (thank you boyfriend blazer, Juicy Couture, UGGS, and ballet flats.) 

It was like fashion magic that as soon as I was too weak and fat to wear a heel or a pant with a button, the styles changed to suit my needs. 

And thank you, Pamela, for making it perfectly acceptable to wear UGGS with any outfit and making it cool to look like a lunatic while running errands....

It seems that the party is over.

Apparently while I was home wearing wifebeaters and flip-flops for 7 years,  the rest of the world time-traveled to 1985.

I totally had not realized that we had gone back to the 80′s  – and I needed clothes for my NYC stay. 

“Where should I go? I don’t even know what to do, I am such an old weathered nerd….” I asked my BF. 

What is your damage, Gaga?  Didn’t you blog about this a year ago and say you were going to Ann Taylor Loft?” she asked.

“Oh right….I never did that.”

This is always what happens to me.  I get by with my t-shirts and jeans and then when I have to go somewhere I am in trouble.

So off I went to Forever 21 and H&M to get something cool and trendy.

The entire store was filled with 80′s fashions.

80′s fashions were hard to pull off in the actual 80′s when I was 10.

This was my absolute favorite outfit circa 1988. I made these "jorts" myself - and my aunt made that Madonna t-shirt in art class- and we cut it into a half shirt. I distinctly remember laying on my bed and pulling the zipper up on those bad boys with a wire hanger. I don't really have that kind of time anymore.......

It is extremely hard to pull of now that I am in my 30′s, fat, have a muffin top……older.

Let’s just say that when you want nothing more than to look like this……

If you are an old weathered housewife – it ends up looking like this……

Apparently women that are still occasionally asked when they are due – do not look good in skin-tight neon pink pants and half shirts.

I came home defeated wearing a new black jacket and more wifebeaters.

What are you wearing?” asked Mr. Gaga.

” A jacket. It used to belong to Jimi Hendrix.” I replied.

“You bought a used jacket? What are we, poor?”

I decided I would just shop when I got to New York…. you know the land of skinny women who are on top of every trend. 

That was a totally awesome idea! 

NOT.

My sister-in-law and I went to Saks first, thinking it wouldn’t be as absurd as Forever 21.

When we arrived I realized that Saks had time traveled to the 80′s as well.  As I looked through the piles of colored neon pants, leggings with lace on the bottom and half shirts – I couldn’t believe my eyes.  I think I even say a t-shirt on it that said “RELAX.”

“I feel like I have already been down this road.” I said with shock to my sister-in-law, as I looked through a pile of jelly bracelets.

Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” she answered cryptically.

“Huh?”

The store was filled with 80′s pants and I tried to narrow down my choices….

I finally narrowed it down to these 10.....

I asked a young man to help me choose something appropriate.  You should wear these – he said picking up the hot pink pair of skinny jeans.

“I don’t think so…” I answered.

“You should listen to me – I have been here for 7 1/2 years…I’m no dummy.” he answered.

I politely declined.

I finally settled on a coral cropped pair and paired it with coral nails and lips.  I considered a Swatch watch but felt it was too ridiculous and just picked up some feather earrings instead.   We spent HOURS shopping and we finally had some trendy pieces to work with.

We were so happy we finally had found a good outfit that we could wear to dinner that could also be worn when we take the kids to the park or playdates.....

I picked up some Rubix Cubes and some Garbage Pail Kids for Sam and Michael and headed back to the hotel to get ready.  We continued to enjoy our luxurious weekend of eating and drinking.

By the time I got home I was fully relaxed, completely comfortable with my new 80′s fashions and feeling very pampered.

I was thrust back to reality right when I came home to see filthy bedrooms with Lego pieces everywhere, laundry to the ceiling, and no food in the refrigerator.

I looked at Mr. Gaga who was watching a game.

“I don’t belong here, I feel it, don’t you think I feel it! I can’t do any of these vile things and I wouldn’t WANT to. Oh, my life is like death! My children are the spawn of hell, and you’re the devil. Oh God!”

He looked up at me and then looked back at the television.

Corn nuts.

So in honor of the fact that we have time-traveled to the 80′s I felt compelled to incorporate 6 movie quotes from the 80′s……

What are some of your favorite quote from the 80′s???

Riches to Rags


I recently did what I call my seasonal “rag rotation.” It’s when I put away my winter “rags” and take out my summer “rags.” I don’t know quite how I got to this point…..

It began obviously enough, when I first got pregnant in 2005, my maternity clothes moved into my closet. I gently nudged my “real” clothes to the side, knowing that I would be wearing them again in 9 months. YEAH RIGHT!!

Little did I know that most of my tops would be “half-shirts” when I ever got around to trying them on. Oh – well great news – half-shirts are back in style!!

Picture this but where J LO has a nice smooth belly, imagine a huge muffin top hanging over the sides….not good.

Sometimes I found a shirt that fit, but it would immediately be destroyed by formula, spit up, etc. So I started shopping at the OLD NAVY for disposable clothing, figuring I would go back to my stylish self when I was done being fat.

Except I got pregnant again, and seasons kept coming and going and I never threw out my “disposable clothing.” What I actually did throw out was my designer half-shirts, and settled into my “mommy uniform.” (long-sleeve t-shirt, jeans and UGGS in winter, wife beater, capri, and flip-flop in summer)

I pretty much just checked out. Even my “rags” starting getting ratty. Apparently when you get on your knees to zip jackets, tie shoes and change diapers 500 times a day the knees of your jeans can actually get worn away. But when you pay up to $200 for said jeans you just wear them anyway.

“Oh, um Bon Jovi called….he wants his jeans back.” my husband greeted me one day.
“That’s the style!” I protested weakly.
(See below…See this is exactly how I look when I leave my pedicure and go to pick up my preschooler….what’s so bad about that??)

One time I even cut them into shorts in an attempt to salvage my favorite pair of jeans.

“Nice jorts.” was my husband’s comment that day.
“What’s a jort?” I asked.
“A jean short.” he answered matter-of-factly.
Ok – when my husband, who currently wears sunglasses that he got at the gas station, makes fun of me, things are very bad.

But now the problem is that I am so far gone, I don’t even know where to begin!! Apparently if you are wearing “jorts” and a “Who Farted” t-shirt its pretty hard to navigate your way back into fashion.

“I think we have to start shopping at Ann Taylor.” my best friend said to me recently.
“What? Why? What are we going to get there? Slacks and a blouse?”
“I don’t know, but any mom I know that looks put-together shops at Ann Taylor or Ann Taylor Loft.” she answered.
UGH.

How did I get here? When I worked in NYC I was always pining away for a new bag, shoe, or pair of jeans. Any spare pennies I had were applied towards clothes, make-up, shoes, expensive hair-cuts, skin-care, waxing, etc., etc….the list was endless. I used to love going to Brasserie 8 1/2 because you could eat an egg off the bar for dinner, and spend your only $15 on a cosmo, and not worry about starving to death. This was around the time I bought my first pair of Chanel shoes. They were gorgeous and worth every rumble of my stomach.

Now look at me. My Chanel shoes are in a box in my husband’s closet,(my closet is filled with UGGS and flip-flops) along with all the other relics from my past. There are some shoes and clothes I just can’t give up, and keep hope alive that they might fit someday.

In the meantime, if you are looking for me, I will be at Ann Taylor Loft.

I linked up with Adventures in Mommyhood for

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