RSS Feed

Tag Archives: legos on the floor

Angry legos are destroying childhood


We are at the bitter end of summer.

There are a few more days of freedom.

A few more nights of drinking wine and eating late dinners under the stars while the kids ride their bikes and eat ice creams at ungodly hours.

When school starts it’s back to reality.
Back to driving children around to various practices, lessons, and birthday parties. Back to being surrounded by annoying parents that hover over their children making sure that their lives are perfect.

Even though a couple of weeks ago I said I was dreading making lunches the most…in actuality I hate helicopter parenting more than lunches.

My biggest gripe with helicopter parents is that I just don’t know how they have so much time. They spend their days scurrying about making sure that their children do not experience anything unpleasant.

I don’t understand why I barely have time to clean my house and do the laundry, yet they magically have time to worry themselves over nonsense.

They run around making sure that their kid’s dolls don’t look like whores, that their kid’s sandwiches look like daisies and that their children believe that they won in sports even when they are big fat losers.

In the latest show of insane American parenting, I was recently greeted with a disturbing article about Legos.

article

Apparently, studies have been done and the fact that Lego guys sometimes have frowny faces can possibly cause tension or aggression in children.  Parents are upset by this latest revelation.

I have two boys who are obsessed with Legos.

There’s not one room of my house that doesn’t have some little brick in it.  I have spent many mornings cursing the Lego Corporation after stepping on legos in my bare feet.

They are a pain in the ass to clean up and keep organized and until I had my trusty Bissell, I would accidentally vacuum them up.

I totally get how Legos can be annoying.

But to be upset because the Lego guys are in bad moods? Really?

First of all let’s get something straight. Legos occupy my children for hours and hours on end. I don’t give two flying shits what their facial expression is. I don’t care if the Lego guy is giving the finger…as long as they are playing and not bothering me.

Apparently, parents would like the Lego guys to be in good moods and be pleasant, smiling, law-abiding citizens.  Well what will that teach children?  Is it a good lesson for kids to believe that everyone is just going to be super-smiley and happy all the time?

Sometimes people are miserable assholes…and apparently so are legos.

Sorry kids - everyone can't be smiling astronauts, knights and lesbians all the time....

Sorry kids – everyone can’t be smiling astronauts, knights and lesbians all the time….

Also, has anyone taken a little gander at dolls lately?

bratz2

They can sell a little panda with this doll all they want – it won’t change the fact that she is extremely angry and unpleasant to be around.

Why is it ok for the dolls today to be raging whores with attitude problems and the lego guys can’t be a little rough around the edges??

Guess what everybody…..there’s a lot going on these days.

There’s some stuff in this world that could make even the happiest of people have a frown.

That’s life!

Sometimes life sucks.  Sometimes people make a bad face.

Some people are dicks and apparently so are Lego guys.

Maybe this guy is perfectly nice...Who are we to judge?

Maybe this guy is perfectly nice…Who are we to judge?

Like I have said many times before….can’t we all find something else to do or be upset about?
Overprotective parents and overzealous researchers should turn their attentions to important matters and just face reality.

It’s not a big deal….it’s just that like them, some Legos are just assholes.

150-tmb

Be careful what you wish for…


When Sam went off to kindergarten, I cried as I walked back home.  Mr. Gaga and I sat on the front steps enjoying a few sips of morning coffee, and then off he went to work.  I stepped into the kitchen, wiped my tears, put my coffee cup in the sink and looked around.

We had spent the past two days frantically shopping and unpacking from vacation.  Mr. Gaga had been nice enough to make a big “back-to-school breakfast” for the kids, and the remaining pans with greasy bacon and crusted eggs were on the stove top.  The dishwasher was full and needed emptying, there were Legos all over the floor, a stack of papers that needed to be filled out and returned to school was scattered all over the kitchen island, cups and breakfast plates littered the counters.

The place was a shit hole.

I stared at the dishwasher and the weight of it coupled with the deafening silence of the house was too much to bear.

I turned on my heel and went up to my bedroom to get ready for work. (Although it would be nice to have time to myself – I knew it would be best for my mental health to be working that day.) If I had nowhere to be – I I would have surely dissolved into a hysterical mess on the floor in front of the dishwasher.

I had dreamt of this day for 7 years.  As soon as Michael’s head was crowning in the delivery room I was thinking about the day I could ditch him and have some “me” time.

I had wished many times for a day that I would be all alone and could drink my coffee in peace, and watch whatever morning program I wanted.  As I got ready for work I decided to turn on the television in my bedroom and watch Kelly Ripa.

After a couple of minutes I had to call my BF.

“Um – I have been waiting to watch Kelly for 7 years and today is the day – and it sucks.” I said sinking into a depression.

“Oh, yeah – it’s horrible, there’s some football player on it now….it’s not good,” she answered matter-of-factly.

So – all this time I have been watching morning cartoons, and I finally get to watch and there’s some weird football player instead of Regis?

Well, thank God I had somewhere to be – so I couldn’t get too upset.

As I made my way out the door to go to work – I remembered the filthy house.  As I shut the door behind me – I thought, “I’ll clean it up later, I’ll just tell Mr. Gaga that I was busy with…..too busy with….that I ….that I what??

Oh shit.

A newfound sense of dread crept through me as I drove to work pondering this little dilemma.  It seems that when those kids got on that bus to full-day school they took with them a long list of excuses that I will no longer be able to use.

Will I ever be able to say I’m tired again?

” Tired from what?” people will ask.

What will my answer be?

“Tired from walking 3 inches to the bus stop twice a day?”

“Tired from pouring cereal in two separate bowls in the morning?”

And what about Mr. Gaga? He’s never going to let me be “tired” again!!! In the past I could always block any romantic overtures with complaints of exhaustion so that I could watch my shows and relax at night.

I could bark out things like “I just breastfed your son all day, get away from me!” or “Don’t come near me I have been cleaning up vomit all day.”

Now what will I say? I better think of something or the Gaga household is going to be a lot more romantic than its been in approximately 7 years.

This should make your feet feel better after all that walking back and forth to the bus-stop ….now get upstairs!

Speaking of which – I would kill for a day of pampering at the spa.   But if I don’t clean or accomplish anything and take some “me” time, it will probably not look good.  I will just have to tell Mr. Gaga (and anyone else who asks) that I spend a lot of time volunteering at the kids’ classrooms.

Meanwhile, Mr. Gaga will think my toes are curled in the throes of ecstasy, but I will really just be hiding my pedicure.

If all of a sudden I start to look put together and well-groomed – it will be a signal that I have too much time on my hands.

Hmmm, I will have to wear a fake moustache when he’s around or he will totally know something is up!

“My day was sooo boring, I volunteered at the school and then I was going to clean the whole house from top to bottom but I forgot I promised a friend I would volunteer with her at a soup kitchen today……”   “What? Oh, I know I keep meaning to wax my moustache but I haven’t had a minute!!!”

And then what? Is Mr. Gaga going to expect me to shave my legs on a regular basis?  I can’t really think of a reason why they wouldn’t be shaved… now that I have ALL DAY!!!

What will be next? Will I be expected to wear matching bra and underwear sets?  Will I have to throw out my maternity underwear once and for all?

Speaking of underwear, what reason will there be for people in the Gaga household to not have clean underwear anymore?  I certainly can no longer say I haven’t had a chance to do laundry…..

At one point this past holiday season, Mr. Gaga pointed out that he wore a pair of dirty underwear inside-out in an act of sheer desperation, because I had neglected the laundry for so long.

I don’t think that’s going to fly anymore.

Let’s face it. There’s no household chore I will be able to get out of.  I’ve been known to leave the house in the morning without emptying the dishwasher.  I would be out and about all day running errands and entertaining the children, and then I would watch Mr. Gaga do it at night while I made dinner.

“Sorry – I couldn’t get to it in between the library, the park, the playdate, and music class!” I would say.

And speaking of Mr. Gaga coming home from work….there have many days that I have met him in the driveway as he got out of his car.  Citing horrible children that were torturing me, I would leave frantically in search of a minute’s peace.  I would go anywhere to get away from the beasts and leave him to deal with them for an hour or two.

After I am home alone all day – I don’t think Mr. Gaga will like coming home to this anymore…..

Oh, and my car.  For the past 7 years, Mr. Gaga and any other responsible adult would be horrified upon entering my vehicle.  It is basically filled with pounds and pounds of beach sand from May to September, along with crushed goldfish, munchkin pieces, exploded Capri Sun containers, and used straws.

Now when someone sits in the back seat and leaves with sandy french fries on their ass, who can I blame?

Myself???  Oh the horror.

I guess the need for fast food will be out the window anyhow.  What reason will there be for no dinner? Could I say I just didn’t feel like it? Could I say that I spent the day watching television programs and forgot to plan for supper?

I don’t think so.

Oh how I love this new host with Kelly!! I can worry about dinner later…..

It seems to me I have my work cut out for me more than ever before.  Will it ever end??

Sigh.

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY…BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!!  RIGHT NOW I WISH FOR YOU TO CLICK THE BANNER BELOW….IT’S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO…

XO LADYGOOGOOGAGA

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,785 other followers

%d bloggers like this: