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New Baby Insanity


 

Thanks so much to everyone who has shared my Pottery Barn post these past few weeks.  I am so grateful when people appreciate and laugh at a post enough to share it.

 

Admittedly when I started having kids I really wasn’t too in to it.

I never really said or thought aloud “I can’t wait to have a baby.” It was more that in theory I knew that I wanted to have a family.

When I decided to try to get pregnant, I was figuring that it would take me forever to get pregnant like so many people who I know, and that by the time I did I would be ready for a baby.

Of course, as luck would have it, I stopped taking the pill and Mr. Gaga kind of just hugged me and I was pregnant.

I was in a state of shock from that point, until basically very recently.

So, I never got into the whole “baby” thing.  I never really got obsessed with my baby or baby clothes or baby rooms or any of that.

One of my friends just recently had a baby (8 years after me.) To say that I am over the “baby” stage is putting mildly.

When I went to visit her this weekend I was speechless.

Just to give you a little picture of what we are dealing with, right off the bat there had been a 4 hour photo shoot scheduled when the baby had been home from the hospital for 2 days.

The home is already riddled with photos from said shoot in frames, mugs, collages, magnets, everything you can imagine that can have a photo attached to it.

The baby is 6 weeks old.

Here’s an example of one of the photos:

Please note that the husband and wife have placed their jewelry on the 2 day old baby's teeny tiny toes threatening to break them off - and then presented their hand in the shape of a heart around the feet....precious.

Please note that the husband and wife have placed their jewelry on the 2 day old baby’s teeny tiny toes threatening to break them off – and then presented their hand in the shape of a heart around the feet….precious.

I’m sorry – when my baby was home on Day 2 I was in a complete state of shock. Any spare moment I had was spent putting ice packs on my cooch and rubbing lanolin on my nipples….the thought never once crossed my mind to take off all my jewelry and put it on the baby’s toes.

I know that it’s very cute to see baby’s in strange adult like positions and we all have admired an Anne Geddes calendar or two – but really to put your baby in compromising positions just seems a bit much.

I recently saw this on Pinterest and found it just plain offensive:

Did you really stick your baby into a mailbox in the forest?? Really?

Did you really stick your baby into a mailbox in the forest?? Really?

What will you say to this child when she grows up, and she demands that you remove it from the wall because she’s mortified?

“Mom, I hate that picture can you take it down?”

“No honey, it’s so cute! Your father and I thought it was important that we have something to remember you by, so we covered you with paper packaging shred and stuck you in a mailbox and brought you out into the woods!  Then we stuck two rotten tennis balls next to you and took a picture! It’s precious!”

So after I got over being inundated with photographs, I ventured into the baby’s room and more specifically her closet.

This is only one half of the closet.  Did I mention that the child is 6 weeks old? Please note the all important baby chandelier that has somehow become a staple for children's bedrooms.

This is only one half of the closet. Did I mention that the child is 6 weeks old? Please note the all important baby chandelier that has somehow become a staple for children’s bedrooms.

Please note the newborn size tiara's on the shelf...I believe that tiara was placed on the baby's head as it was crowning to be sure that she knew immediately that she was a princess....

Please note the newborn size tiaras on the shelf…I believe that tiara was placed on the baby’s head as it was crowning to be sure that she knew immediately as she entered into the world that she was a princess….

Oh wait – be sure to check out the shoes department of the closet.

shoes

“Janie – you know this child will never wear any of these shoes.” I said in awe of the collection.

“Yes she will! They are sooo cute!” she replied, with such naive cluelessness that I had to just agree and not bother trying to explain that newborn babies don’t really need shoes.

That’s the thing about new moms – they think they know.  They think they are going to be the one mom whose baby wears a different pair of shoes every day until she’s 2 months old.

I guess these were for in case she makes a trip to the moon....

I guess these were for in case she makes a trip to the moon….

As I was leaving the room I noticed a little basket that was not flashy and not princess-like at all….

books

“What the hell? You have like 35 baby Louboutins and then you only have 7 books!!!”

My friend just shrugged and laughed.

Suffice it to say – this friend might be featured frequently on this blog….And also suffice it to say- she’s going to kill me after she reads this.

Some things I can’t resist.

PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW -EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT A BABY PERSON!! IT’S FOR FUNNIEST MOM NOT MOST WARM AND FUZZY!!

XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

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