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Pampering in Goopville


I am so over it.

I am over work.  I am over school.

I am basically over other humans and all of their shit.

I am sick of looking at women with cameltoe wearing Merrills, and I am sick of people at work being bitches, and I am sick of sick children and being sick myself.  I am sick of the winter.

I have been in a real rut.   I am ready for a break from at all.

Sam’s birthday is coming up and we are going to have our usual backyard kid’s party.   I decided that we should also have a little summer kick-off party after the kids leave.

A fun party with friends would be just the thing to get me in a good mood.

I got to work on Sam’s invites.

Once I was finished I felt much better.

Michael walked by the computer while I was finishing up.

“MOM!!! That is NOT a good invitation for Sam’s party!” he said with horror.

invite

“Why are you calling Sam’s birthday a cocktail party??!!” he demanded.

“Shut up and go to bed…  Don’t be silly!” I answered.

As long as there’s a cake involved I am sure Sam will be fine with it……

Just when I was starting to feel like I was starting a new happy spring chapter of 2014, an angel from above sent me a message.

The message said that “YOU DESERVE A BREAK FROM IT ALL – COME ENJOY A MASSAGE AND FACIAL AT MASSAGE ENVY!!!

Well what a wonderful idea!!

Thank you universe and MASSAGE ENVY!

I consider myself to be an expert on spas and beauty services.  In my old life before I became worn down by all of these children, I was quite a snob about such things.

I have been to some of the ritziest spas and salons.  I have had some very expensive and luxurious massages and facials.

When Massage Envy opened up nearby in a strip mall, I never really considered it basically because…..well…

….it’s in a strip mall.

I was very excited when I arrived.  When I got out of my car and looked up I realized I had been short-sighted in my quick dismissal of this establishment.

When I ever imagine going to heaven (yes bitches I am going to heaven – just because I don’t agree with all of the motorized carts in Disney doesn’t mean I’m disqualified)I imagine heaven to be a place that is a beautiful serene world where someone will be rubbing me down with massage oil and I will be totally relaxed…..and the pearly gates will be made out of sandwiches and macaroni.

 

menvy

Oh – hello heaven….

Upon entering, it was like I arrived into a different world. It was as though I wasn’t even Goopville anymore.

Everyone there was pleasant for starters.

I sat down to fill out some paperwork and watched my surroundings.

People were coming out from the back rooms with big dopey relaxed smiles on their faces.

Everyone was just so thrilled to be alive in this place!! “I want to live here!” I thought.

As I continued to people watch, a woman came out of her massage and went to the front desk and asked for a donation for a charity she was working for.

I used to work for a nonprofit – so I knew that they would obviously just tell her to send them a letter of request.

“Of course we will donate to your cause!” the girl at the desk replied eagerly.

I couldn’t believe it – this place really was like heaven!

Shortly, Angelica came to get me for my massage.  Even though I had enjoyed the lobby – I wasn’t completely convinced that the massage would be up to my very elitist standards.

I was in for a treat.  The massage was one of the best I have had.  I felt so relaxed and stress-free as I waited for my facialist.

My facialist came in and was very thorough while addressing all of my skin concerns and diagnosing what type of facial would be best for me.

“Um, ok…I think you could benefit from the anti-aging facial.” she said sweetly.

“SCREW YOU FACIALIST! I AM NOT WRINKLED!”    “Okay.” I answered back – happy to know that someone was willing to spend an hour making me look less weathered.  She used very good quality MURAD products that felt and smelled wonderful.

The facial was very relaxing and my skin looked hydrated and fresh when I left.

I was too tired and relaxed to do anything in the house after all of this pampering, so I sent Mr. Gaga a text to warn him……he never responded.

 

texts

The next day I was halfway through the day and remembered that I didn’t put any undereye concealer on and I DIDN’T LOOK TIRED!!!!!

Let’s just say the last time that happened was before children.

I feel much better now and I strongly recommend going to Massage Envy!!  Tell your husband and children to send you for Mother’s Day!  It’s really for the safety and wellness of those around you!!

kind

EVERYTHING I WROTE TODAY WAS BECAUSE I AM AN HONEST PERSON THAT TELLS THE TRUTH BUT MASSAGE ENVY DID IN FACT GIVE ME COMPLIMENTARY SERVICES AND I LOVE THEM.  PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME FOR THE FUNNIEST MOM IN AMERICA.  XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

 

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7 responses »

  1. Look forward to every new post but have to say so disappointed that this was basically an ad! Hope this is not the new direction.

    Reply
  2. vitatrain4life

    I’m so glad you wrote this because I would NEVER have gone there for all the reasons you mentioned. It would be a hell of a lot more convenient then booking an appointment with the therapist I love 6 weeks in advance. Thank you!!

    Reply
  3. I read your blog each week- plus I’ve recommended it too everyone I know – and I have to say I was really disappointed in this one. Halfway thru I thought it was a sales piece and then the end pretty much confirmed my worst fears. It’s one thing to work in your love of massages, but this totally felt like they paid you to write an advertorial and you thought we were too stupid to notice. It’s starting to feel n like you’re phoning it in….

    Reply
  4. Pingback: Mother’s Day gifts that suck | Lady Goo Goo Gaga

  5. So glad you had an enjoyable visit. The masses deserve treats as much as the classes! Kara :)

    Reply
  6. Pingback: Wipe Out Party Wipes out Lady Goo Goo Gaga! | Lady Goo Goo Gaga

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