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What I learned in 2013….


It’s time for my annual year in review.

I am lucky to have this blog so I can go back and see what happened in my life throughout the year and see what mattered to all of you. Here is the blow by blow recap:

JANUARY 2013 – In the beginning of 2013 we started preparing for Michael’s first holy communion and I was met with the ugly truth behind the Catholic church’s planning for date selection. I almost got killed during the “Sign-up for Communion date” meeting – but I got the date I wanted so it worked out….

These women ended up not getting the date they wanted because they had to be rushed to the emergency room..The cross above their heads is a symbol of Jesus’ death and resurrection. Jesus died on the cross for us. On nights like this one, I am sure he’s wondering if that was a bad move….

These women ended up not getting the date they wanted because they had to be rushed to the emergency room..The cross above their heads is a symbol of Jesus’ death and resurrection. Jesus died on the cross for us. On nights like this one, I am sure he’s wondering if that was a bad move….

2 – In February, just when I was starting to doubt Jesus and his almighty powers, I was saved and all was made right in the universe when Kim Kardashian was impregnated by Kanye West.

I still find it shocking that Kim wants to be wrapped up with this narcissistic asshole but I guess she will eventually figure this out the hard way…..

I wrote her a very special letter to warn her about what she could expect…

mySuperLamePic_bada7bdbc1c0a2cf6116ec3512fdbec7

3 – In February we were met with yet another Northeast weather disaster.  This particular catastrophe was a BLIZZARD!  Per usual people lost their fucking marbles while they attempted to prepare for 3 FEET of SNOW!!!

By the time I got to the local grocery store this was what the banana stand was like …just so you can see how insane people behave during inclement weather…..

banana

I know that bread and milk were sold out – but now you are all going to live off of bananas? And who’s the wise guy that just left behind a plantain and a box of firecrackers???

4 - In March, everyone was all abuzz about the book “Leaning In” which detailed how women of today could totally focus on their career and succeed!! I found that I was much better at “leaning out.”

This was the last time I "leaned in" for something. I was trying to listen to the weather report to be sure I heard correctly that my kids would have their 10th day off from school due to snow.

This was the last time I “leaned in” for something. I was trying to listen to the weather report to be sure I heard correctly that my kids would have their 10th day off from school due to snow.

5 – In April we went to Disney World.  Boy, was I in for a real education on American behaviors.  I relayed my astonishment regarding the HUGE BEVERAGES that were served in Disney World and the HUGE HUMAN BEINGS that were zipping around on carts.

Some of you got pissed about that…..

Sorry! I just report as I see it fat people!

mickeyfam

Look how this guy balances his massive soda with a broken hand!! These injured people are so determined!!!

6 – In May, we finally had Michael’s communion after much hard work. (see above)

It went well except for when I lost all of my photos to document my good holy works, thank Jesus I still had my pic of the holy cross made out of pepperoni…

What more could Jesus want from me?? I mean if this cured meat cross doesn't secure my place in heaven then I give up....

What more could Jesus want from me?? I mean if this cured meat cross doesn’t secure my place in heaven then I give up….

7 – As the summer approached I may or may not have bumped up my drinking and bumped down my parenting…

If the kids found me like this in the morning they just made their way to camp on their own...it's called building independance in children....They will thank me one day.

If the kids found me like this in the morning they just made their way to camp on their own…it’s called building independence in children….They will thank me one day.

8 – Toward the end of the summer, we started to get ready for back-to-school, which is when I once again noticed how offensive the Pottery Barn Kids catalogue was…..

In the classic Pottery Barn style which aims to make us feel badly about our homes, bedding, and lives….the PB Kids version, now aims to make us feel bad about our kids lunches and what we put them in……

This blog went VIRAL!! It was my hit of the year – and I know it’s because we all feel the same angst about lunch making in America.

Really?? It's not enough that this lunch consists of yuca chips and cherry tomatoes? If my mother ever put a note in my lunch that said I was a "kind person" I would kill her.

Really?? It’s not enough that this lunch consists of yuca chips and cherry tomatoes? If my mother ever put a note in my lunch that said I was a “kind person” I would kill her.

9 – In the fall one of my good friends had a baby.  I went to visit her and noticed that sometimes new mothers go a little crazy when it comes to first baby nursery decor.  Many of you were VERY ANGRY about my commentary…but many of you were VERY LAUGHING at how fucking stupid it all is….This is why I LOVE MY READERS!!!

Please note the newborn size tiara's on the shelf...I believe that tiara was placed on the baby's head as it was crowning to be sure that she knew immediately that she was a princess....

Please note the newborn size tiara’s on the shelf…I believe that tiara was placed on the baby’s head as it was crowning to be sure that she knew immediately that she was a princess….

10- Finally in December, while I juggled all that I had to do I realized that this ELF ON THE SHELF was really putting things over the edge for me.  I wrote an open letter to the clever Elf creators…..

You guys think you and your elves are just so damn cute....All I see here are three twats with double chins....

You guys think you and your elves are just so damn cute….All I see here are three twats with double chins….

Everyone loved this…This was my number 2 post of the year!!( only second to Pottery Barn lunch post.) What does that tell me??

That mothers in America are tired!!  We don’t have time for stupid bullshit like daisy sandwiches and Elf games!! We are smart, busy people that value our time and energy!!!

In closing, it has been a great year for Lady Goo Goo Gaga, and I hope to continue learning and growing and sharing my stories.

Thank you all for reading every week!! And for CLICKING ON THE BANNER BELOW!!!!

Happy New Year!! XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

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15 responses »

  1. Happy New Year to you! We just took used our Sea World pass for the last time in 2013 a few days ago. I totally get what you’re saying about the GIANT sodas and GIANT people. It’s like Wall-E. Disturbing.

    Reply
  2. the picture of the redneck girl in the thing all passed out, who is that woman? That picture’s been around for a decade. Someone has to know who that is? I want the full story.

    also, I learned to love your blog even more in 2013. Best wishes in the catorce, Lady G

    Reply
  3. Happy New Year! I started off making my kiddo bento style lunches in September. Since October he has been buying school lunches.

    Reply
  4. I got one of those fancy lunch boxes, but I got it from the supermarket, so It wasn’t like I lost a lot of money when I just started telling my kid he had to eat school lunch! Happy New Year!

    Reply
  5. vitatrain4life

    This is all SO great. I love how you laid it all out so I can catch-up!!

    Reply
  6. I LOVE the cured meat cross. Perfect. Just perfect!

    Reply
  7. One too many blizzards is one of the main reasons I don’t live in the northeast anymore. Aren’t y’all getting one now?!? Stopping by from Mama Kats!

    Reply
  8. Glad to have found your blog. Mama Kat always leads to great finds! (Love the pepperoni cross:)

    Reply
  9. I stopped looking at all the catalogs that told me what a rotten mother I am. I couldn’t take that sort of pressure. I am, however, looking forward to the Holy Communion brawl in the next couple of years. It’s nice to have something to look forward to!

    Reply
  10. A late Happy New Year my friend! Don’t ever stop blogging…I may be late but I ALWAYS read. Always. You are too funny to stop. K? K. Glad that’s settled.

    Reply
  11. Just started following you this year. Love.your.blog. My family did Disney World Jan. 2013 and I had the same observations as you…scooters, soda size, lazy, fat people jumping in lines. Then came your PBK blog. Holy mother cross…If I need to laugh. EVER. I pull up that post. So true!! Then you knock it out of the park with the bleep in’ Elf post. That m’r f’r has been the bain of my Xmas sleep since good-intention’d g’ma sent the Elf to my house in 2008. I have come to loath the Elf and his moving ways, which I always wake, in the middle of the 5 hrs I try to get, in a cold sweat, worried that said Elf has not been relocated! I hate him and he ruins a full month of sleep for me. Why am I cursed with this magical midget? Anywho, keep it up LGGGG, I appreciate your view and honesty! Thank you for yr truth.

    Reply

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