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New Baby Insanity


 

Thanks so much to everyone who has shared my Pottery Barn post these past few weeks.  I am so grateful when people appreciate and laugh at a post enough to share it.

 

Admittedly when I started having kids I really wasn’t too in to it.

I never really said or thought aloud “I can’t wait to have a baby.” It was more that in theory I knew that I wanted to have a family.

When I decided to try to get pregnant, I was figuring that it would take me forever to get pregnant like so many people who I know, and that by the time I did I would be ready for a baby.

Of course, as luck would have it, I stopped taking the pill and Mr. Gaga kind of just hugged me and I was pregnant.

I was in a state of shock from that point, until basically very recently.

So, I never got into the whole “baby” thing.  I never really got obsessed with my baby or baby clothes or baby rooms or any of that.

One of my friends just recently had a baby (8 years after me.) To say that I am over the “baby” stage is putting mildly.

When I went to visit her this weekend I was speechless.

Just to give you a little picture of what we are dealing with, right off the bat there had been a 4 hour photo shoot scheduled when the baby had been home from the hospital for 2 days.

The home is already riddled with photos from said shoot in frames, mugs, collages, magnets, everything you can imagine that can have a photo attached to it.

The baby is 6 weeks old.

Here’s an example of one of the photos:

Please note that the husband and wife have placed their jewelry on the 2 day old baby's teeny tiny toes threatening to break them off - and then presented their hand in the shape of a heart around the feet....precious.

Please note that the husband and wife have placed their jewelry on the 2 day old baby’s teeny tiny toes threatening to break them off – and then presented their hand in the shape of a heart around the feet….precious.

I’m sorry – when my baby was home on Day 2 I was in a complete state of shock. Any spare moment I had was spent putting ice packs on my cooch and rubbing lanolin on my nipples….the thought never once crossed my mind to take off all my jewelry and put it on the baby’s toes.

I know that it’s very cute to see baby’s in strange adult like positions and we all have admired an Anne Geddes calendar or two – but really to put your baby in compromising positions just seems a bit much.

I recently saw this on Pinterest and found it just plain offensive:

Did you really stick your baby into a mailbox in the forest?? Really?

Did you really stick your baby into a mailbox in the forest?? Really?

What will you say to this child when she grows up, and she demands that you remove it from the wall because she’s mortified?

“Mom, I hate that picture can you take it down?”

“No honey, it’s so cute! Your father and I thought it was important that we have something to remember you by, so we covered you with paper packaging shred and stuck you in a mailbox and brought you out into the woods!  Then we stuck two rotten tennis balls next to you and took a picture! It’s precious!”

So after I got over being inundated with photographs, I ventured into the baby’s room and more specifically her closet.

This is only one half of the closet.  Did I mention that the child is 6 weeks old? Please note the all important baby chandelier that has somehow become a staple for children's bedrooms.

This is only one half of the closet. Did I mention that the child is 6 weeks old? Please note the all important baby chandelier that has somehow become a staple for children’s bedrooms.

Please note the newborn size tiara's on the shelf...I believe that tiara was placed on the baby's head as it was crowning to be sure that she knew immediately that she was a princess....

Please note the newborn size tiaras on the shelf…I believe that tiara was placed on the baby’s head as it was crowning to be sure that she knew immediately as she entered into the world that she was a princess….

Oh wait – be sure to check out the shoes department of the closet.

shoes

“Janie – you know this child will never wear any of these shoes.” I said in awe of the collection.

“Yes she will! They are sooo cute!” she replied, with such naive cluelessness that I had to just agree and not bother trying to explain that newborn babies don’t really need shoes.

That’s the thing about new moms – they think they know.  They think they are going to be the one mom whose baby wears a different pair of shoes every day until she’s 2 months old.

I guess these were for in case she makes a trip to the moon....

I guess these were for in case she makes a trip to the moon….

As I was leaving the room I noticed a little basket that was not flashy and not princess-like at all….

books

“What the hell? You have like 35 baby Louboutins and then you only have 7 books!!!”

My friend just shrugged and laughed.

Suffice it to say – this friend might be featured frequently on this blog….And also suffice it to say- she’s going to kill me after she reads this.

Some things I can’t resist.

PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW -EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT A BABY PERSON!! IT’S FOR FUNNIEST MOM NOT MOST WARM AND FUZZY!!

XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

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74 responses »

  1. Hilarious!! I can’t wait to hear what she says when she realizes those fancy winter coats won’t be used…. Because where are you going in dead winter with an infant….and they won’t fit in the car seat anyway!!!

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  2. You have to just learn the hard way!!!!

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  3. Love everything about that room! Why rain on someone else’s parade?

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  4. I LOVE this!! I was laughing out loud the entire time, and then the small box of books was just the icing on the cake. Great post.

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  5. And you can never get the money back for all of those outfits. By the second week, you are so tired of changing diapers and spit up etc, all you dress them in is a onesie and a blanket. Enjoy the fantasy while it lasts! Can’t wait to hear more about this one.

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  6. Ha ha! I love the part about the icing of the cooch and lanolin on the nipples. I’m right there with you. Great post!

    Reply
  7. “the thought never once crossed my mind to take off all my jewelry and put it on the baby’s toes.”

    I choked on my cigarette smoke at this line. Yeah, I smoke. I took it up after the frustration of an ice pack on my cooch and lanolin on my nips.

    You’re hilarious.

    Reply
  8. I must say I love seeing these pictures and loved all the things you do. I never would have imagined doing some of these things when my children were babies but wish we had fb and pinterest so I could have got some of these great ideas. Enjoy my friend-you are so blessed! Oh and I love the “Guess space boots”

    Reply
  9. Alexander luthor

    Sorry Lady, Lori is right. Shoes and tiaras are way more important than books. I mean, when was the last time you saw a child reading and thought; “that’s soo cute?”

    Reply
  10. I usually enjoy reading your posts. They’re funny, witty, and entertaining. This one just rubbed me the wrong way, for a couple of reasons.
    1. I was blessed with twins after fighting infertility for years. After the hundreds (yes hundreds) of injections I took, etc the fact that I was finally going to have a family was the most joyous news ever. Did I go overboard on “stuff” for them? Damn right I did. Lucky for me I had extremely supportive friends who didn’t judge me, and write condescending blogs making fun of me being “clueless.” Instead, they helped me shop!
    2. As a newborn photographer, I feel fortunate to be able to capture some of those first moments for the family to look back on year after year. You think coffee mugs are bad? I just covered a 14′ hallway in 3′ canvases of my babies!
    I guess what I’m saying is “to each his/her own.” We usually have no idea why people do what they do.
    I’m sorry that you weren’t that into having kids” and “don’t get the whole baby thing,” but for some, there is nothing in the world more important than their children. Should it matter that she has too many clothes/shoes? Should we be offended that she is SO in love with this child that she wants her photo at every corner? I guess when you fight as hard as I did to become a mother, the judgement you are placing on this one is a little overwhelming for me.

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  11. All so very true and so hysterical. I would not want to be you when your friend reads this lol

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  12. Honestly, I think you are jealous that one day your kid is gonna grow up and wish they had someone like Janie as their mother. “When I started having kids I wasn’t too into it.” “I never really got into the whole “baby” thing.” I mean, who says these things? How sad for your kids to have a mother who feels this way?! I seriously hope you made this story up and this isn’t really about a real “friend” of yours.

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  13. You need a reality check on how to be a decent friend. Who makes fun of a friend like this? Babies aren’t phases or “things.” Some people go through a lot to get pregnant and have babies. Gawd. I agree with Lori. There ain’t nothing wrong with this. Love everything about the room. Not funny. Shame on you.

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  14. This is your friend? You went into her home and took photos to mock her with? Wow. You certainly wouldn’t be my friend after this.

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  15. Oh my – what mean comments! I laughed the whole way through, Mrs. Gaga!! Great post – and ignore the haters. The “New Mom” syndrome is one that many of us have gone through… one that we don’t find comical until we’re on kid #2 (or #3 or #6). Keep writing stuff like this. And if it were MY child’s room that you took pictures of and made into a blog post, I’d feel honored. No worries – I’m sure you’re a great friend!

    Found your post through Shay’s Trashy Blog and I subscribed right away. Love it!

    Reply
  16. Your friend is clearly grateful and appreciative of being blessed with a baby! You, on the other hand, are clearly taking your kids for granted. I agree with whoever said tisk tisk tisk!!

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  17. OMG. This it he post that stirs controversy??? THis one!?! Your generation is something else.

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  18. WOW..I cannot believe the reactions coming from this post. I think everyone is missing the point.. I’m sure Lady did not secretly observe, take pictures and bash her friend, In fact, I bet her friends get her sense of humor and love her for it. Also, I have read numerous things online about the things you do differently for first baby vs. your second, third and fourth etc.. This post is no different. I’m quite sure that Lady loves her children as much as we all do, lets lighten up, it’s a post on newborn baby shoes and a photo of a baby in a mailbox.

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  19. Hysterical. Some people need a night out with some good wine or a night at home with some wild sex.

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  20. Alexander luthor

    My daugter hasn’t read Harry potter yet either. The books were for me to read to her. The point is, this girl is going to grow up thinking that the most important things are : being well dressed ( shoes and outfits,) being a princess (tiaras,) and being in mailboxes (?) We are making fun of her! We are being catty! ( not caddy; carrying around a bag of golf clubs.) This I a humor blog! The author is routinely makes fun of herself ( getting shithoused and feeding her kids ice cream and jawbreakers for lunch.) I’m sure she loves her kids, just not as much as all of you super sensitive d-bags. Keep the awesome posts coming, Lady!

    Reply
    • Super sensitive? Okay. I’ll take it. I voiced my opinion that this post wasn’t funny and that I think it was a pretty shitty thing to do to a friend. I’m obviously not alone. Didn’t realize that made me a d-bag, but, hey, everyone has an opinion. If the author doesn’t want to take constructive feedback and use it as an opportunity to improve, no skin off my back. You know what is actually funny – you trying to come after me for a typo. Seriously? Did you even read what you wrote?

      Reply
  21. Thank you, once AGAIN, for highlighting the humorous side of motherhood! I am quite shocked that anyone would read this post and find it offensive! Isn’t it nice to be able to laugh at ourselves a little bit, instead of always walking around tired, worried and overwhelmed?!! Lighten up people!
    Lady, thank you for always making me laugh! It is clear to me that you are a loving mother with an amazing sense of humor! Another great post!

    Reply
  22. I think the real “haters” are those who are reading mommy blogs looking for sparkles, unicorns, sunshine and rainbows. Fact of the matter is, motherhood is tough. No one tells the mother that it is a 24/7 job for the next 18 years. I applaud Gaga for her courage to stand up and say she didn’t have it easy. Those of you hating on Gaga can always find your “baby bliss stories” somewhere else. Keep it real Gaga and fuck the haters that hate on you. Can someone say hypocrite?

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    • Just because I’m not in love with this post, doesn’t mean I’m a hater. No, motherhood is not easy, but that’s not even what this post is about. She may have other, hysterical posts. I’m not speaking to those, I’m commenting on this one. Are you? Do you even know what the word hypocrite means? Baby bliss story? Didn’t Google that, but okay. I just think mom’s have it hard enough without being judged and put on display by their friends. If the author can’t take constructive criticism and see it as an opportunity to improve and appeal to a broader market of parents, that’s her call. No skin off of my back. I’m not mad. I’m not hating on her. Wish her the best. Having a blog and opening yourself up to public comment takes balls. She hasn’t really commented or taken offense, so I’m guessing she’s aware that she’s created a forum for others to read her work and weigh in.

      Reply
  23. I appreciate everyone’s comments today good or bad….I just can’t believe after all of the stuff I have said over the years about kids and their parents this is the post to incite such controversy!!! Go figure!!!!

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    • Like I said earlier… Why rain on someone else’s parade..Especially if they are you true “friend” … I didn’t mean to start a war…I just feel sad for your friend who has someone basically bullying and making fun of their parenting…I wouldn’t want my son to judge his friends

      Reply
      • OH PULEEZE Lori- maybe you should spend less time commenting on blogs and reading to your children……her friend clearly has a sense of humor, she’s obviously in the room with her in the pictures. the real bully is YOU

      • Janine is my friend. And she had a shower where everyone hand to bring a book. She has plenty. Lady knows this that’s why I’m upset. And yes I do have a baby boy and I have a life so i don’t have time to read blogs all day like others. But for someone to say they aren’t into the whole baby thing should really reconsider her “mommy blog”…

      • Ok Lori, I get it ….you don’t like this blog!!!! I am hundred percent not going to “reconsider my mommy blog”…..people who have a sense of humor(including my friend Janine!) enjoy it……

  24. Really, Jewelry on the babys foot! Seems, some people have no sense of humor anymore. Great blog Laydee. Keep up the great work. Love Sundays……..Boardwalk Empire & Your Blog!!!!!

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  25. Pinterest…if you ever have used it then one day your friends may judge… It’s want the new hip mommies do

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  26. Holy cow! People have far too much time on their hands!!! I love you on your high horse Lady ;)
    Buzz is buzz!!!! Loved the blog just as much as I love babies and all the crap that comes with them!!!!

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  27. Wow Laydee – looks like you got your ass whooped for this one! Lighten up people, there are far more serious things to get so upset over…….Laydee, you never cease to entertain me! xoxoxo

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  28. Seriously people? Laydee is one of the few mothers NOT on medication…..no she didn’t “deck out” her boys rooms, she didn’t put jewelry on her kids feet, have ridiculous photoshoots- does that make her a bad person- bc she wasn’t obsessing over pinterest every night? She did her kids rooms simply, didn’t go over the top – but used that money to enroll her kids in activities they wanted to do and take them on vacation….you think your kids are going to fucking remember that you bought them 233,000 tutu’s? I think not. Seriously to each her own- her friend CLEARLY has a sense of humor and is CLEARLY in the photo’s with her…..and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD—— IT’S CATTY NOT CADDY what are we playing golf here? LOVE YOU LAYDEE and hi haters ;)

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  29. I love how well you articulate the humorous things you see around you and in our culture. That’s a real gift. The things you point out in this article and in the lunchbox article are funny. They are just the kinds of things that my friends and I laugh at too!

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  30. Can I just say, I was one of those people who struggled with infertility and took many years to finally have my first boy. His closet looked just like this. (a boy version) Your blog makes me laugh, because you are right! All those shoes look brand new almost 2 years later in their plastic bags labeled with size ready for the next yard sale. Even his new little brother has hardly worn them. Hell, he’s lucky if he even gets socks put on most of the time, much less shoes. And the coats…well, they still have the tags on them. They’ll make Ebay soon. I spend most of my days swimming in a puddle of spit up, searching for the easiest body suit to put on (or just stick with a diaper and hope no one comes to visit). These people who are so offended need to lighten up!!

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  31. Wow, everyone bashing Lady over this blog needs to relax!! And maybe a reality check too- just because someone doesn’t buy their kids a million designer clothes and shoes and crystal chandeliers in their nursery, doesn’t mean they don’t love their children or love being a mom!! Actually, one has zero to do with the other!! Lady loves her children just as Janine loves her daughter! The thought that anyone would equate shoes, clothes and chandeliers w/LOVE is seriously frightening to me!!! And the fact of the matter is, Janine has a sense of humor and thought this blog idea was hilarious- which of course it is- and was totally on board with it. It was just meant to be funny and not to hurt anyone! I hope I’m the subject of the next blog because I love when Lady makes fun of me. Its what she does best and we love her for it! :)

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  32. I’ve never read a mommy blog (you’re my first!). I found this post to be funny. I just had my first child a little while ago. I was told by many that my little guy probably was going to wear some of his clothes just once. So I took it down a notch with buying clothes and I’m glad I did because those advice givers were right. I didn’t have a closet full of never used clothes and feel much better knowing i didn’t waste money.

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  33. i would live in that closet….is it legal for such a small child to have so many shoes?

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  34. Holy crap, I’m “so blessed” to have found your blog! Is there a way to select each title so that I’m not scrolling forever trying to find my place again?

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  35. I loved having baby pictures made, I have a huge one hanging up on my wall and I don’t regret it at all!

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  36. Pingback: Caillou Creator responds to LGGG | Lady Goo Goo Gaga

  37. Absolutely hilarious. Also, the part about too busy putting ice on your cooch and lanolin on your nipples? YES. EXACTLY.

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  38. New reader to your blog via Carmen at Mom to the Screaming Masses.

    OMG!!! I cannot stop laughing! “…ice on the cooch…” You are simply too fabulous!

    My children are 33 and 28, the latter of which will make me a grandma next Spring. Thanks for the memories….well, except for the icy cooch!

    lMAO!

    Reply
  39. Pingback: Lady Goo Goo Gaga- blogger | Comm 185: Introduction to Digital Media Production

  40. Bahahaha you are hilarious and I agree completely. I pretty much use the same clothes every week for my kids, parents who have their children perfectley matching in a new outfit everyday, I just wonder where they find the energy! My daughter is nine months, I don’t think she is gonna care if she matches or how many shoes she has. Although I mist say I have a ton of books but the only book she will let me read is the foot book, otherwise she screams…haha

    Reply
  41. I just found you, and think you are hilarious. You say things that many of us think and want to say!
    I admit that I was a crazy first time Mom when I had my daughter. Decked out the room, closet full of fancy clothes and shoes (with a limited amount of onesies), was going to use only cloth diapers. NEVER tiaras though! As expected, after the first few days, she was in a onesie almost the entire time and I gave up the cloth diapers!
    It is tiring just being a new Mom! Then you add extra laundry (some that needed special care), feeding schedules, colic, not sleeping, etc…plus going back to work.
    I ended up sending my husband to buy more sleepers and onesies because I didn’t have enough! Your friend will learn and figure it out. Let her have her fun! ;P
    Love your blog!!!!

    Reply
  42. Pingback: What I learned in 2013…. | Lady Goo Goo Gaga

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