I went to school in New York, met Mr. Gaga and aspired to live in New York forever. I love it there. I love the people. Some of my most favorite people I have met and some of my best friends are from New York.
I love to walk down the streets of New York city and not speak to or make eye contact with a soul.
Things don’t always work out the way you think. When I ended up back in Connecticut in the very suburb of Hartford where I was subjected to rude entitled assholes at my private highschool, I was a little bitter.
I was a little bit negative, but it was fine because I just worked a lot and we would go to New York to visit friend when we could, we didn’t really speak to anyone in our neighborhood and just kept to ourselves.
When I came a mother almost eight years ago I had to start interacting with human beings. I wasn’t used to making small talk with strangers. I quickly realized that the rude entitled assholes were now the people I had to interact with at the library and at the park.
One day in particular I remember I was at the library with my 2-year-old and he was having a hard time getting along with another 2-year-old. Something about them not sharing a toy or something equally as benign.
Finally the mother of the other two-year-old stood up in the crowd of mothers and children and pointed at me and my son and screamed, “You know he is a very bad child!! He is a very very bad person!” and stormed out.
When you regularly encounter insane lunatics and you are already exhausted and your tits are stretched out like silly putty, there comes a point when enough is enough.
Soon after my neighbor, Fran Drescher tricked me into having a playdate with her son, and I realized that I needed to start writing this shit down.
Today’s parents are often a bit older and “wiser.” They have read 500 books on parenting, they have plastered their belly and framed it, they have created a baby room fit for Suri Cruise, they have vowed to breast feed for 2 years and give birth naturally in a tub of water in their bedroom…etc. etc.
A lot of parents today are in MY OPINION a little bit overbearing, a little bit overprotective, a little bit weird…..
In MY OPINION, some of today’s children as a result are whacked out, insecure, and a little bit weird…..
I DECIDED to start an ANONYMOUS BLOG to write about some of the encounters that I have with today’s parent’s and their children in my town of very educated, affluent people and their very strange in ridiculous behaviors.
MY STORIES are told with sarcasm and humor. I make fun of lots of people.
SO WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T I MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE IN DISNEY WORLD AND KIDS THAT CRY DURING BASEBALL AND ANY OTHER RIDICULOUS PERSON?
Listen – I know this is not everyone’s cup of tea.
I know that I call kids ass-hats and I make fun of the church, and innocent cartoon characters and make fun of fat people who drink sodas the size of my house, and that maybe that could be considered offensive.
I would just like to let everyone know that hasn’t figured it out – that I do love my children. I even find some other children I encounter mildly tolerable, and I have tons of friends and family and people who I work with that I thoroughly enjoy.
The major thing about me is that I just like to laugh.
I think everyone should LIGHTEN UP!
My first comments to come in that were a little bit contrary on this blog were of course in defense of the all-mighty BEYONCE KNOWLES, when I wrote a piece that just poked fun at her diva-like ways as she approached her due date.
People got very upset with me, and it was hard for me to pick just one comment..if you have time to laugh at crazy people go back and read the comments but here’s a piece from a comment from a reader called Jayna.
“….as I read on, I think – wow, bitter, mean and nasty much? In it’s entirety, this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read….Instead of writing this diatribe of garbage and negativity under a thin veil of humor and wit (or an attempt of) – why don’t you focus your energy on creating and fostering positivity with your humor.”
Oh Jayna - because I don’t want to. Because Jayna to be honest, that would be really fucking boring and stupid.
Recently I got some interesting comments regarding the whining, crying baseball players on my kids’ teams.
“Wow, ..Did you ever stop to wonder WHY the 8-year-old player needed his mother to walk him to the plate? Not everyone has children as perfect as yours apparently are..”
Well, yes, actually I did stop and wonder about that. The answer is the kid is an entitled asshole that didn’t get to play the position he wanted and then his overindulging mother dragged him onto the field and forced him to play the position chosen by his coach.
Also, if you think that I think my kids are perfect then you have totally missed the point of this blog.
And then this week I got some outraged readers regarding my post about Disney World…. One guy wrote a page long comment arguing with everything I said in the post.
Here’s an excerpt regarding the fact that I wanted to throw up when two oversized people were basically having sex in line in front of me and the kids for an hour while in line for a ride.
“Again, why do you care how happy they are and they are sharing a kiss? Are kisses not allowed in front of children?…Vacations tend to make people happy, except you…clearly….So to sum up, stay out of other people’s vacation unless you have something nice to say….”
UM….NO I won’t ever only say nice things on MY BLOG !! ARE YOU INSANE??? It wasn’t “other people’s vacations!” it was MY VACATION and I CAN BLOG ABOUT IT!!!
Yes, kisses are allowed in front of children…but excuse me if it makes us want to vomit when said kissers are making out for hours an inch away from me, and said kissers each have huge muffin tops hanging out of their shorts that are also cutting off the circulation to their vagina….
I DON’T LIKE TO LOOK AT THAT.
ALSO, FOR ALL OF YOU DISNEY NAZIS – OBESITY IS AN EPIDEMIC IN AMERICA. SODA IS VERY BAD FOR YOU. IF YOU GOOGLE “BAD STUFF FOR YOUR HEALTH” SODA WILL POP UP.
SORRY AMERICA IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT WHEN I POINT IT OUT.
Anyone who is offended by my frank outlook on things can surely find pleasure by reading mom blogs that talks about being blessed and eating placenta dust and teach you how to make your own baby food.
In the meantime I will be over here calling things as I see them;)
PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME FOR FUNNIEST MOM IN AMERICA!! XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA