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Mayor Bloomberg would hate Disney World


I have a great reason for not blogging last week. I was collecting material for my blog, enjoying a wonderful vacation to Disney World with my family.
There’s just so much to talk about it is hard to pin it all down into one post. Today I am going to discuss our “meal plan” that was part of our vacation package. (You know I love to talk about food.)
The plan we had allowed us to each have one snack, one full service meal, and one “quick-service” meal per day.   Our first day we got off the plane and went straight to the park, arriving into Disney around 11 AM. After a couple of hours we were hungry so we decided to stop and utilize a “quick service” meal. This had been described to us as something that can be ordered at a counter, such as a hot dog or sandwich.

We found a place that looked pretty good and I ordered hot dogs for the kids and sandwiches for Mr. Gaga and myself.

I was informed by the girl taking the order that the meals would all come with fries and drinks.
“Great!” I said to the girl as she grabbed a tray and I started to swipe my card.
“Wait, what desserts would you like?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You all get desserts…we have cheesecake, chocolate mousse cake or crème brulee.”
I stared blankly.

Who the hell eats crème brulee in the middle of the day in sunny 85 degree weather?
“What?” I asked, stalling for time as a crowd formed behind me. She repeated the choices, I made a decision finally, sensing the people in the line behind me were losing patience.
Mr. Gaga had taken the tray by then and had filled everyone’s drinks. I headed back to the table with enough food to feed an army. Mr. Gaga was grabbing condiments and napkins and I looked up to see Michael heading towards me with a tray of the largest beverages I have ever seen.

The tray was leaning dangerously towards the ground. The weight of the insanely large drinks was too much for his little arms.
Before I could help him the tray tipped and a huge tidal wave of diet coke came towards me and Sam.

We screamed. “Help me Mama!” cried Sam as the soda tsunami came rushing towards him. I couldn’t save him, and before we knew it we were both drenched with soda.

The soda was so large that it exploded and one of the rides had to be shut down for the day....

The soda was so large that when it spilled one of the rides had to be shut down for the rest of the day….

We stared at Michael who stood holding the empty tray limply. Tears threatened to spill out of his eyes.
“It’s ok Michael, it was an accident,” I said as I started to wipe up the table. Mr. Gaga came strolling over at this point. “It’s your father’s fault for making you carry 50 gallons of soda alone.” I said with disgust while I wrung out my shirt.
“I told him to wait for me!” Mr. Gaga protested.
“Well who the fuck drinks this much soda in the first place?” I demanded pointing to the enormous cups that had fallen off the tray.
“It’s the size that comes with the lunch!” he said defensively.
That’s the size that comes with the lunch? So every meal we order comes with a beverage filled with high fructose corn syrup as big as my house?
Call me Mayor Bloomberg but I found this highly problematic.

We all sat down and started eating.

“You talk about me getting big sodas…why did you buy 4 chocolate cakes?” Mr. Gaga asked me with disgust.

I looked at all of the food and drinks.  “They made me.” I answered helplessly.
That night we checked into the hotel and upon check in they handed us 4 huge Mickey Mouse mugs.

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“What are these for?” I asked.
“Oh they are refillable! You can fill them up all day and night for free throughout your stay at the hotel!”
“How many fucking beverages does a human being need around here?” I asked Mr. Gaga as I tossed the cups into a bag in our room.

The next morning as we were in line for our shuttle we noticed everyone was drinking coffee out of their refillable mugs. That was a good idea. Later in the afternoon, I filled mine with ice coffee by the pool.

Oh and by the way - I should have known we were in trouble when this is LITERALLY what one of the pools at our hotel looked like.....

Oh and by the way – I should have known we were in trouble when this is LITERALLY what one of the pools at our hotel looked like…..

Mr. Gaga came strolling over with the kids all drinking out of their enormous mugs. The kids had root beer and he had yet another enormous diet coke.
“Why do you keep drinking so much diet coke?” I demanded. “Your committing suicide….”
He shrugged, “I don’t want to drink anything with sugar,” he said as he guzzled it down.
“You are like all the rest of these soda-guzzling Americans, do you know that there’s no sugar but there’s like battery acid and tar remover in there? You are going to die! You can’t drink any more diet coke the rest of the vacation!” I pleaded.
The next day I ordered a club soda with my meal.
“We don’t offer club soda,” the waitress answered. “You can buy a bottled water for 3 bucks.”
This is a common trend. If you don’t choose to drink an Atlantic Ocean size drink of soda, then you are penalized. I accepted my fate and paid for water.
Mind you I have told you all many times I am a fat person with baby weight that I still haven’t lost since I had my six-year-old son….however I try to make somewhat sane decisions when I am consuming food and beverages. Drinking soda morning, noon and night somehow seems like insane behavior to me.

By the end of the trip I gave up and just sat on my bed and drank soda all night like it was my job....

By the end of the trip I gave up and just sat on my bed and drank soda all night like it was my job….

I come from a town where if you don’t buy everything from Whole Foods then you are a moron. People here would lump high fructose corn syrup into the same categories they would put guns and crystal meth. To be surrounded by crowds of people who just down soda with reckless abandon is startling.
Was this an accurate picture of America. Do Americans really just guzzle soda all day by the gallon?
Well, I hate to say it, but by the size of the humans that were walking around, zipping around on motorized carts, in Disney World, then yes….yes they do.
Everywhere we went we were met with hoards of overweight people with Mickey Mouse ears on and fanny packs strapped onto their motorized carts.

This is a very common scene...tremendously large humans with Mickey Mouse ears on with huge sodas....

This is a very common scene…tremendously large humans with Mickey Mouse ears on with huge sodas….These people only left their carts so they could get a good seat for the parade.

“I’m sorry did I miss the episode of the Mickey Mouse Club when Mickey announced he loved fat people and soda?” I asked Mr. Gaga. “I don’t get it.” I said to Mr. Gaga as we were making our way through the crowds of obese people.
“Well they are fat because they drink soda and the fact that they are so fat and lazy that they can’t walk doesn’t help,” he pointed out.
I looked around and realized at the moment that about half of the people in the park were driving carts and half were walking.
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed, “I thought everyone was injured!”
Mr. Gaga stared at me like I was an idiot.

When I looked a little closer I realized nobody even had a band-aid on, let alone anything that indicated a real injury!!

When I looked a little closer I realized nobody even had a band-aid on, let alone anything that indicated a real injury!!

After a few days in the Magic Kingdom we made our way to Epcot Center.
“Hey did you notice there aren’t any motorized carts here?” Mr. Gaga pointed out.
“Oh yeah…I wonder why?” I said as I looked over the map of the Epcot. “Oh!! I bet we will see them in “America!”

After enjoying music, culture and food in Japan, France, Italy and Mexico I was afraid to see what “America” had to offer.

“It’s just going to be big enormous people laying on couches everywhere eating McDonalds and drinking huge sodas.” I said to Mr. Gaga as we made our way.

“Or enormous children playing video games,” Mr. Gaga offered.

We were pleasantly surprised that neither of those features were the focus of the America showcase in Epcot.

Thank God….it would be totally embarrassing if the world found out the truth about us.

It’s best to keep this little soda problem a secret between you, me, Mickey Mouse and Mayor Bloomberg.

There’s plenty more to discuss about Disney World and America….stay tuned in my next post when I discuss more disturbing human behaviors that I witnessed on my trip!

SINCE I INCLUDE MYSELF IN THE FAT CATEGORY YOU CANNOT GET MAD AT ME FOR MAKING FUN OF ALL THE MOTORIZED CART RIDERS IN DISNEY!!!  PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW!!!

XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

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24 responses »

  1. Hilarious! Just found you on Monday Hop. I’m always amazed by beverage containers everywhere, so it wasn’t surprising. Good thing they don’t serve cocktails or wine this way or I’d be on one of those carts…;)

    Reply
  2. omg – this is like the dark side of disney! hysterical! but those giant cups are typical of the people wheeling around there. it’s not exactly healthy living over at the magic kingdom. having said that, if that’s a picture of you drinking the soda, you don’t look like you have an ounce of fat on you.. i think you might be gaa gaa.

    Reply
  3. We go to Disney all the time and aside from all of the people on little rascals guzzling soda, I’m always amazed by the number of people I see rocking mullets. My husband and I have a running game to see who can spot the first one of the vacation – it’s like our kick-off. And we did the meal plan one time, when it first started by the way and included even more food, and I honestly never ate so much in my whole entire life. Even counting cruises which are another eye-opener when it comes to America’s eating habits.

    Reply
  4. More importantly, you drank the soda while rocking pearls. A lady to the end despite consuming obscene amounts of sugar.

    Reply
  5. Pingback: What I learned about human beings in Disney World | Lady Goo Goo Gaga

  6. Is that really you drinking the soda on the couch/bed? If so, you need to stop all the “I’m fat and still have baby weight to lose” jokes!!!

    Reply
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  11. You got a good 5 minutes of out loud laughing from me the moment I read this: “You talk about me getting big sodas…why did you buy 4 chocolate cakes?” Mr. Gaga asked me with disgust. ROFLOL!!

    I really must make a note to read your blog more often in 2014. It’s a delight :-)

    Reply
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  14. LOVE IT! But this country really has a problem with it’s soda consumption, it’s ridiculous! Thanks for the laughs, looks like ya’ll had a blast! I wonder how much fun those “fat” people had sitting in their motorized carts!
    Cinella @ TMB

    visiting from MamaKats Vlob

    Reply
  15. mamaslosinit

    You make a really good point about being penalized for drinking water! One small bottle of water costs more than a refillable, fancy soda mug. IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND! Tempt my kids to opt for a fancy, refillable WATER mug!

    Reply
  16. OMG…I was laughing so hard that my sister kept asking what was so funny, so I just started reading aloud…and then couldn’t make it through without breaking down unto giggles and wiping tears! So, so funny!

    Just visiting from Mama Kat’s site. Thanks for the pick-me-up.

    Reply
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  19. Wow,

    I don’t know if you are young and immature or just a very mean spirited person, but you and those who follow you with glee, should feel ashamed of this post (don’t worry, I am under no illusion that you would have the ability to truly self reflect and feel such shame; however, for your own good and certainly for the good of your children, I hope you can one day do so – sooner than later). Your above followers seem to think that this blog rant is cute and humorous; however, they seem to have missed some very glaring negative characteristics of you and the way you handle yourself, family time, and your husband.

    Here you are on this wonderful family vacation that you are fortunate enough to afford, with your kids who you are fortunate enough to have, and with your husband who you are also fortunate enough to have. And rather than having a great time, you choose to spend the time focusing on others and their families and whispering spiteful things about everyone in the park, America, and Americans. You (and this is according your own description of your behavior and dialogue) are condescending and hateful to your husband and use your own kids as a sounding board to knock insults off of and right back at THEIR FATHER. All in all, you don’t successfully paint a negative picture of America and Americans, you paint a negative picture of you!

    I don’t know if you are really a self-loathing fat person or one of those women who claims to be fat so her friends can tell you how skinny you “really are,” but in either case, none of that hands you a pass for your commentary or behavior. The disgusting thing about the photos you posted is not that the people are fat and on a scooter, it is that you posted those photos in the first place. Those people are not your family (notice the lack of family photos – too focused on others) they are simply people in the parks, minding their own business, and having a good time (with the exception of the 4-square photo that WAS NOT taken in the parks and probably makes you guilty of copyright infringement) BUT ANYWAY, what you should do is take a lesson from all of those fat people you were mesmerized by and have some fun at the parks and maybe pay some attention to your own kids and husband. As a matter of fact, the only attention to your family that you did describe was negative. Here they are probably thrilled to be at WDW and they have to put up with a negative mother, a father who is browbeaten and negative, and being criticized for what they drink while at a theme park! Ahh what fond memories those will be.

    Finally, I have been to WDW multiple times so let me point out a few corrections:

    (1) To say that half of the park is filled with fat people on scooters is absolutely ridiculous. There are scooters present and they are filled with the elderly, injured people, people who would rather carry their kids on scooters than rent a stroller, and yes, even fat people. Hell, some of those fat people might even be elderly, injured, and/or people with kids. And I don’t know if you skipped critical thinking skills in school, but it doesn’t take a genius to understand that not all injuries are visible to the eye. Some people may have heart conditions, back conditions, or a variety of other non-visible disabilities that prevent them from walking long distances. Some people are even fat because they have diseases that require medicines that lead to extreme weight gain. So, although you feel it is your job to judge others, you may not be the best person for the job since you seem to lack a lot of knowledge.
    (2) You are penalized for drinking water? NO. Every soda machine has a water button and ice – it is free. If you choose to buy bottled water it is not free. If you choose to buy bottled soda it is not free. So your choice cost you money – not Disney.
    (3) You DO NOT have to buy the meal plan. You are not forced to take desserts. You are not forced to every drink a single soda. And, the mugs that come with the meal plan hold about 12 ounces of beverage – a can of soda won’t even fit in there if you fill it with ice.

    Reply
    • Everything Ladygoogoogaga has said is 100% true. Disney World is full of ginormous fat people on scooters – fat people with a sense of entitlement which matches the size of their huge gluttonous bodies. I saw a morbidly obese woman on a scooter STUFFING herself and guess what? Even though she was sitting, she was clearly having trouble breathing. No, she was not having fun. We as Americans have become a disgusting lazy stupid society – the rest of the world laughs at us. The fat stupid people then procreate and have fat stupid kids who then leech off the rest of us.

      Reply
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