Mr. Gaga is responsible for taking care of the kids most Saturdays.
I am not at the spa.
I am not getting a pedicure or lunching with friends.
I am working most Saturdays.
Mr. Gaga will have everyone thinking that he has it very rough. He will tell random people that he runs into at games, birthday parties, and the store that he’s a “single dad.”
When interacting with other parents of children we barely know he will find a way to steer the conversation to some point where he can announce, “Well, I do everything because I am a single dad.”
He finds this hilarious.
Last Saturday was the first basketball games of the season for both kids.
When we all got home I asked how it went.
“Good, Sam’s coach seems nice and I saw Todd’s mom and we were talking about the Star Wars party she’s having for him next weekend.”
(Todd is Sam’s friend – we have gone out socially with his parents one time.)
“She said that we were invited to stay during the party and hang out and eat…”
“Hmm, hmm,” I said distractedly as I read my email.
“So I told her that we would bring Star Wars cookies.” he threw in nonchalantly.
“And what did she say???” I asked, hoping that this mother responded with something like “Oh no – that’s not necessary!”
“She said “Great!,” he answered.
“What??!! Why??!!!” I asked in shock.
“Well we have those cookie cutters…” he answered nonchalantly…”What’s the big deal?”
When a kind aunt that always gives my kids really cool stuff was nice enough to give us these fancy Star Wars cookie cutters from Williams Sonoma, I did what any level-headed woman would do. I hid the box in a closet.
Apparently Williams Sonoma thinks it’s just every mother’s dream to sit around making baked goods into the shapes of Star Wars characters.
Also – if that’s not enough activity to kill all of your time and your will to live you can also make Star Wars pancakes.
And if you have completely lost your marbles…for the bargain-price of $15 you can actually flip this Darth Vader-shaped breakfast with this:
Needless to say Thursday afternoon came, and I had to get to work on the cookies. First I went to the store to purchase the 47 types of frosting I would need to create these cinematic masterpieces.
I made the sugar cookie dough. I hosted a playdate for Sam’s friend and then two other kids came over for dinner, while their parents were at a wake. I baked 5 dozen sugar cookies while the kids played.
When I cleaned up from dinner and had the kids had settled at around 8 PM, it was time to start frosting the cookies.
“OK, I’m going to head up and take a shower and go to bed.” Mr. Gaga said coolly as he started up the stairs.
“Oh no you aren’t.” I said threateningly. “You better take this black frosting and start with some Darth Vaders.”
He huffed and puffed but attempted to help while I was working diligently on my Storm Troopers.
He looked over with disgust…”What the hell is that?? That’s not a Storm Trooper…it’s a sad dog with a headband on!!!”
“WELL I’M NOT GOOD AT THIS SHIT!! THAT’S WHY I HID THE BOX TWO YEARS AGO AND NEVER TOOK IT OUT!!!!!” I yelled.
I had green and black frosting everywhere, the kitchen was trashed and I was delirious.
“I hope you are happy…from now on when you go to games or birthday parties keep your mouth shut!” I said with disgust.
By 9 o’clock he had completely abandoned ship.
I spent the entire night cursing him and George Lucas.
I was seeing double and exhausted when I finally finished all of the cookies.
But then they looked absolutely horrible…nothing like the box. Nothing like Williams Sonoma told me they would look like…
I made Mr. Gaga come look at the cookies.
“I can’t see straight…my back and eyeballs are killing me….but does this just look like an entire rack of Saddam Hussein cookies?? That’s all I see.”
“No they look fine!” he said wearily. “Just go to bed!”
“I can’t go to bed now!! I still have to do Boba Fett’s black trim and the red dots in the Yoda eyes!!”
In the end – they came out decent enough…..
I think that the people who come up with these crafty little ideas at the Williams Sonoma corporation should be held accountable for the hours of torture they inflict on people…..
But in the meantime, in case you were wondering …I am the best mother ever.
PLEASE CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME IN A VERY IMPORTANT CONTEST THAT I NEED DESPERATELY TO WIN FOR MY POOR SELF-ESTEEM…THE CONTEST CLOSES IN A FEW WEEKS AND YOU CAN VOTE ONCE A DAY!!! THANK YOU !! THANK YOU!!!
XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA