Despite living in a constant state of misery and depression since the shootings in Sandy Hook, sometimes it’s good to take a break from the horrific news coverage and depressing and annoying gun law posts on Facebook.
That’s what I am here for.
Even though I have been very sad and devastated about the state of things, there are certain things and people who I can’t ignore.
When I have felt the urge to complain or say something negative lately, I stop myself and think, “How dare I complain about something petty or stupid like someone cutting me off or taking too long in line in front of me at the grocery store.”
However, even with my best intentions at hand, there are certain behaviors that are just too unacceptable to ignore.
There are certain acts that people feel compelled to do around the holidays that are utterly ridiculous….
While I am rushing around trying to get all of my shopping done, baking, Christmas cards, and other holiday activities, there are some maniacs abound that apparently have all the time in the world to do ridiculous things to celebrate the birth of Jesus.
Here are some examples:
#1 – Miscellaneous Elf on the Shelf Antics:
Some of the images I have seen of people’s elves is disturbing.
I think it’s a cute idea, we have an elf at our house.
I also think it’s funny and cute that your Elf dances on a pole, drinks your wine or takes a shit, and you post it on Facebook. However, when your “Elf” has time to “undecorate your entire Christmas tree,” that’s neither cute nor funny.
It’s an indicator that your “Elf” has too much time on her hands.
Most of us barely have enough time and energy to decorate the tree the first time, and when we do we are on the verge of divorce.
If you are so bored that you have fictional characters “come into your house and create housework for you in the still of the night,” then I would recommend therapy.
If I came downstairs and an “Elf” undid our tree, Mr. Gaga would slit the “Elf’s” throat or send the “Elf” to the nearest mental institution.
#2 - Irrelevant photos on Christmas cards:
OK, I get it that you went on vacation and that you want us all to know what a jet-setter who are. But really, these images are not very Christmas-y and some are just not pictures that should necessarily be shared.
For example, this is a card I received from someone I barely know.
Ok, now first of all, although I don’t know much about Dolly Parton, I am fairly sure she has nothing to do with Jesus’ birth or even Santa. If it was a holiday that was about boob jokes or wigs, maybe…..
Secondly, do you think it’s a bit absurd to sit in a cracked egg with your husband and have a photo taken? This is not Easter, and why does Dolly Parton have life-size cracked eggs in her park?
Do you know what Mr. Gaga would do to me if I lured him into a broken egg-shell in Dolly Parton land, had evidence of it, and then sent it out to all of our family and friends?
It’s just inappropriate on several levels.
#3 – Too much info on the holiday card:
It used to be that Christmas cards were sent to say “Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!”
They are now used for numerous messages including but not limited to, “Look at how cute our kids are!” “Look at what an awesome vacation we went on!” “Look at how cute our cat is!” and the worst is “Look at our fetus!”
There are individuals that I know of that actually share their ultrasound as their Christmas card.
Listen, at this point this a photo of the inside of your uterus.
Is this necessary?
Is this Christmas-y? Is this related to Santa or Jesus?
Are you implying that the birth of this child will be like the birth of Jesus?
Unless this was an immaculate conception….I’m not interested in what is essentially a fancy x-ray of your innards.
#4 -People wearing Santa hats for no reason:
Look, I love Santa as much as the next guy, but I don’t want to be Santa, or dress like him….What is the point of that?
And it’s not like you are wearing the whole outfit to actually try to look like Santa, nope…just his hat.
So what if at Easter I just walked around everywhere with rabbit ears on….wouldn’t that be strange?
Do you see what I mean? It’s just weird.
#5 – Holiday Car Decor:
This is in the same category as the extravagant elf activities. How do people have time to decorate their vehicles for the holidays? And for what purpose?
There is no good reason that I can think of to pretend that your vehicle is a reindeer, it’s just really dumb.
It’s bad enough that you have pretend antlers hanging off your windows, but now this really puts things over the edge…
Listen, your car is not Rudolph, that’s really ridiculous.
Also, if you have time to put a nose on your car you need to come to my house with all your free time and start baking and wrapping……
I could use all the help I can get!!!
I hope that this post brings some laughter and joy to all of my faithful readers!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA