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What I Learned…..and Ate (Storm Sandy Edition)


So after Mr. Gaga stacked the wood in a neat pile that he claimed would blow in a direction away from the house, we waited for Storm Sandy.

First thing we did Monday morning is eat a big breakfast, so we had sustenance to last through the next few days of cold, wet powerless torture.  I made pumpkin bread and eggs and sausage.

I took out meat to make burgers thinking that we could use the grill to make dinner since we wouldn’t be able to use the stove.   I had extra so we made a bunch of meatballs.  By lunch we still had power so we had delicious meatball grinders. (That’s what Connecticut people call heroes or subs.)

I told the kids to watch all the television they could stand because it could be weeks before they would watch T.V. again.

Then Mr. Gaga and I milled around the house looking out the window and waiting.  Nothing really ever happened by us, except for some wind and rain. At one point, Helen Hunt Mr. Gaga was looking out the window and said “Ooohh, there goes that tree branch.”

To distract ourselves, we snacked on Kettle Salt and Black Pepper chips which are the best chips you will ever eat, by the way, and stared incessantly at the news broadcasts.

By dinner-time there was still power and it was raining too hard to grill, so Mr. Gaga decided to steam the burgers with a technique he learned on Man vs. Food.   I don’t really know what he did but it was definitely one of the best burgers I have ever had in my life.

By Tuesday morning we had not lost power and we were in the clear.  The kids’ school had no power though so they were home until Thursday morning.  During that time we were lucky enough to enjoy Halloween, as last year it had been cancelled in our town.

We had friends showering and eating lunch during the day, that had lost power.  I made my amazing Stromboli breads and tuna sandwiches with my secret recipe of tuna with capers.  That night my brother brought over a vat of Paella soup that was the bomb which we ate with tons of bread and cheese and Reese’s peanut butter cups.

Thursday, my in-laws arrived from New York to move in with me due to their lack of power.  I cooked a huge pasta dinner and the next day we went out to lunch and ate amazing Lobster Grilled Cheese sandwiches from a local restaurant.  If you don’t believe me about their buttery deliciousness, just know that Oprah once sent Gayle across the country tasting sandwiches and this was one of her top picks!!

All of the food was washed down with heavy doses of wine and

Oh hello, I love you.

The gluttony continued right through today.

It is totally out of control.

This morning when Mr. Gaga came across my thong in the bed, he suggested we start laying off the Halloween candy.

But I cannot complain.

We have power and food and cars and gas.  I have been trying to keep things in perspective.  Ok – so I am fatter than ever and I have been cooking and cleaning and entertaining for a week straight.

Who cares?

In an effort to keep my negative thoughts to a minimum I aim to become very zen.

When “Whiney” showed up to the bus stop on Thursday with his usual Amy Winehouse hair and the shortest high water sweatpants I ever seen in my life I was so disgusted.

The old me would have thought, “Really? Whiney’s Mom, you had three days at home, you couldn’t pull out a pair of pants that fit and slap some water or gel on this kid’s head?  There are real people who would love to have access to a hair brush and water, and who are really wearing pants like that because there is a real flood, not just because they are a lazy asshole that doesn’t help their child get dressed for school.”

But I didn’t think any of that. I thought “I am so lucky to be able to walk to this bus stop on dry streets with my family, and who cares if I weigh 250 pounds overate a little bit, and I have to spend every morning with Whiney and his mother…..Life is good.

Normally, when 8-year-old boys arrive at the bus stop looking like this I get infuriated….but not this week. This picture might slightly exaggerate how short his pants are but the hair is almost an exact match.

And when you spend hours and days on end with people in your house, things start to wear on you.  Normally when the people who live in the Gaga household chew with their mouth open like barbarians, or breathe loudly through their nose, I want to murder them.  I can usually stare at the offender enough that he will get the message from my silent angry eyeballs, so I don’t have to say anything at all.

This week when the loud chewing and nose breathing was enough to send me to the mental institution.  I didn’t say anything and I even tried to limit my angry eyeballs.  Of course, don’t forget that I live with 3 boys, so the offenses are endless.  The filthy socks and hats thrown about, the pee misfires dripping off of toilet seats, the yelling and wrestling, etc. are a lot to take when everyone is stuck home for days on end.

I am really only here for like a day….I just needed a break from the bad table manners, nose whistling, and farts….

I realize that all of this is trivial and stupid.  I even felt that blogging about my life that’s filled with blessings and power and water, is almost disrespectful and ridiculous.

So I am trying to be better.  I am trying to be more positive and less hostile and unforgiving to nose-breathers and high-water pants wearers.

Not to worry – I am sure I will fail at this after a few weeks.

I really doubt I will be able to completely rid myself of all negative thoughts and ideas….

But if I succeed, this blog will be filled with love and peace and good will…..

So let’s hope I fail……

because who the hell wants to read about that shit??

PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME…..QUICKLY BEFORE I COMPLETELY LOSE MY EDGE!! 

XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

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9 responses »

  1. I just laughed so hard at this. Especially the bit about Whiney. Glad you and yours are safe and dry, and I’m glad you’re on the road to full time positive thinking…and I’m glad you posted a picture of that pumpkin pie in a bottle. Never seen or heard of such, but now I’m frothing at the mouth. And I’m glad.

    Reply
  2. Glad you are safe. Positive thinking mmmmm might just work

    Reply
  3. I do! lol.
    Glad you are safe and that you ate your way through the disaster. So jealous of all those goodies…and I remember that lobster grilled cheese story!!

    Reply
  4. Keep Safe, Lady Googoogaaaaaaa.

    At least your still have a kick ass positive attitude. Xxx

    Reply
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