We were watching the swimming competition last night and I said to Sam “Maybe one day you will be able to swim like that.”
“Nope,” he answered matter-of-factly as he left the room. Over his shoulder he added, “I will NEVER go to the Olympics.”
I watched him leave the room and was tempted to give a speech about perseverance and “never saying never,” but I stopped myself. I started to think about the possibilities for him and his brother, and as I really started to ponder it, I started to get a little nervous.
If you really think about this generation of children going to the Olympics, “never” is a quite accurate word.
It truly seems a bit unrealistic, and quite frankly, they could very well have to get rid of the whole thing all together.
Think about it….
For starters, there’s no way in hell these fat-ass fruit snack and McDonald’s eating-kids are going to grow up to be svelte Olympians.
The categories of sports would have to change dramatically.
First things first – this generation isn’t exactly the best at riding bikes. I cannot tell you how many SECOND GRADE BOYS come to my house and announce they don’t know how to ride a bike. In their defense they are probably very busy playing Mario Kart and watching Star Wars. However, there will definitely have to be some allowances made for this problem.
There could never be any spiking during beach volleyball – that would be waaayyy too violent. The ball would have to be lovingly tapped from side to side.
The ping-pong and tennis would have to be the virtual Wii sports versions, because the children of today surely don’t even know about the live version. It could be held in some sort of fancy basement.
The swimming and diving would definitely be problematic. I’m pretty sure the diving category would have change. The kids today are pretty fat and are mostly too scared to dive. That is the perfect recipe for an awesome “Cannon-ball competition.”
As for the swimming piece, I know that my kids are not the only ones who cry and refuse to go to swimming lessons. However, I am the only mother who screams at them to get back into the pool.
If I had a dime for every time another mother told me “Johnny doesn’t know how to swim, because he just never liked to put his head underwater!!” I would be a rich woman.
It’s fairly safe to say this generation won’t be producing many Olympic swimmers, so the only thing to do would be to allow floaties.
The balance beam would have to be lowered significantly, it’s much too high!!! What if they fell off? They could break their neck!!
Also, with childhood obesity such an issue today – I envision many of today’s children growing up to be sadly obese adults. These children would never be able to do some of the gymnastic moves on the floor and they surely would never be able to swing their massive bodies up and around a bar.
The rules would have to change to allow for spotters who would be responsible for hoisting the huge bodies up onto the bars.
Once they were up on the bar it would mostly likely break into splintereens from the weight-so the bars would have to be reinforced with titanium rods to ensure that they could remain intact.
Once all the equipment was tweaked, and these little angels were done with their routine – God help the person that thinks he’s going to announce a winner.
There would have to be a change, so that every race or competition could end in a tie.
If there was ever a “winner” that would mean that the other competitors would be considered “losers” and then they would all start crying.
After years of this entitled, pampered generation getting a trophy or medal for just showing up – we couldn’t expect to just give out ONE GOLD MEDAL!!???
With that in mind – it would probably be best to just get rid of the judges completely. They wouldn’t be able to do much.
If they took points away from someone there’s a pretty good shot that he or she would start crying and have a complete temper tantrum. If that happened, then the judges will have to face all of the helicopter parents that will be at the judging table arguing and requesting that the judges give their children better scores.
Granted, at this point in time, the competitors will be approximately 18 and that will put the “helicopter parents” at about 60, but I am sure they will be just as feisty as ever.
There are millions of reasons why the children being raised today will never see Olympic Gold – so be sure to enjoy these 2012 Summer Olympics – as we just never know when it will all be a thing of the past.
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Like children today …..I don’t take losing well.