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Waiting for the other shoe to drop….


Wednesday morning I quickly open my eyeballs when I hear the sound of the phone ringing.  I look at the clock. It is 7 am.

A phone call at 7 am can never be good.

Unfortunately, a long time ago, I dropped one of my cordless phones down the toilet – and never replaced it.   Now, when I need to answer the phone downstairs either I have to run for my life or miss it.

I jumped out of bed and ran for my life.

It was my best friend’s mother – who has been quite the bearer of bad news lately.  My stomach turned as I reached for the phone.

“Hi, Lady – when are you working this week – I want to meet up with you….”

I breathed a sigh of relief.  A work-related question is manageable.  Not ideal at the crack of dawn – but ok. 

The kids came meandering into the kitchen (a full half-hour before their alarms were set to go off) and I started their breakfast while I made small-talk with BF’s mom.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

It was now 7:15.

WTF?

I hung up abruptly and started to go towards the door, with my kids on my heels.  They were yelling that they wanted to answer the door – while my mind raced through all the possible scenarios that could go down when I answered the door. 

I yelled “I will answer it!!” as I approached the door – and as a final act of desperation – my son grabbed the back of my tank-top to try to pull me back away from the doorknob.  The straps of my shirt went askew and my boobs started to pop out.  I grabbed my boobs and looked up at the semi-circle of glass at the top of the door to see …..my brother!!!

I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. 

I just finished blogging about how this poor guy saw my boob last week !!

He was dropping something off before work.  It was now 7:20 am.

The day progressed.  I had plans to meet for a playdate at a park with a preschool friend of Sam’s, and then hit the grocery store and then be back to grab Michael off of the bus by 2:00.

It was a nice day – so park time went a little longer than planned and then I raced to the store, (which was Stew Leonard’s so it wasn’t very easy to do.)   I grabbed a piece of pizza for Sam to eat in the car on the way home and made it home with 20 minutes to spare. I shoved some cold cuts in my mouth and put the groceries away.

I was about to go pick up Michael from the bus and bring him directly to CCD when the phone rang.  It was the nurse calling to say that Michael had been in a scuffle during recess that caused him to hit his head on the ground and resulting in a huge egg on his temple.

Great.

As I spoke to her I opened my email quickly, I had 5 minutes until the bus would arrive. 

This is what I saw:

FROM: FIRST GRADE TEACHER (9:30 am)

RE: MICHAEL’S SHOES


Hi  Mrs. Gaga,

Michael’ s shoes are starting to wear down in the front and he said he’s tripping over it.  Do you have extra shoes or boots at home that you could bring for him?
I could also cut the piece of the shoe that is hanging off (but it is quite large and is the part that covers his toes).
I might just use some packaging tape for now..
Let me know what you think!
Thanks!
 
Needless to say this email was being read as Michael’s bus was turning the corner.   The email was sent in the morning and I had never checked my email! So now my son had to walk around with duct tape shoes all day!!  

Now because I haven't checked my email and spent my time picking out prepared foods at Stew Leonard's all day - My child has to walk around like a homeless person....Mr. Gaga is going to kill me.

 
I essentially hung up on the nurse and fainted from the shame of the situation. I ran out to the bus.   I could not imagine that I was so oblivious – such  a bad mother that I missed this.  That his shoes that I bought a mere 4 MONTHS ago from NORDSTROM were so destroyed that teachers send me special messages begging for replacement shoes!! 
 
I am not a complete derelict – it’s not like I got him crappy shoes from the 5 and dime!!   I mean I’m not trying to be cheap – but I would like to get a mere 6 months out of a pair of sneakers – so I really hadn’t paid much attention to his shoes. 
 
The irony was not lost on me that this was happening a week after I essentially abandoned my family for two weeks to work in Manhattan.  So maybe I am just not as on top of things as I should be……but still.  I think I would notice if my kid’s shoes were falling apart.
 
When Michael came off the bus I was shocked.
 
This is what his shoe looked like:
 
 

I mean I'm not saying I send my kids to school in Louboutins but this is ridiculous.....

 

The teacher had decided against the duct tape for some reason – so Michael just walked around with a huge airplane wing hanging off the side of this shoe.

I have never been so mortified.  His teacher must think I am insane, but I swear the shoes were normal when he left in the morning…..

I must master this whole working while simultaneously caring for others thing…..It’s really not as easy as it looks…..

First she made me wear broken shoes, then she stopped bathing me .....now she doesn't feed me. Things haven't been the same since she went to NY for work....

PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME….WHAT?  I WENT BACK TO NORDSTROM AND GOT THE KID SOME NEW SHOES……JUST CLICK IT……XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

9 responses »

  1. My head is spinning!! And people wonder why we medicate??

    Reply
  2. Don’t you just love those teacher emails? I especially love the part where they say, “TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.” Like we are retarded and have to actually ponder the situation before we do something! lol!!!

    Reply
  3. Those shoes are hysterical. Love the duct tape version too. Hysterical post.

    Reply
  4. You have a wonderful sense of humor. What is it we did before duct tape?

    Reply
  5. It doesn’t look like the shoe was in that bad of shape. What was she fixing?

    Reply
  6. Know that I read this twice today and may have laughed harder the second time.
    Dang geox shoes.

    Reply
  7. Haha as a teacher I think “tell me what you think” is code for “I’m not trying to be a bitch, I’m just trying to help”.

    Also? I am playing my brother in Draw Something and his clue was Lady Gaga. So he drew a picture and said “lady goo goo”

    Reply
  8. Absolutely hilarious! And no, you are not a bad mother that doesn’t pay attention. Boys simply will go through shoes, coats, and clothes like water!

    Reply

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