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Preschool Mother Fail


So I have been back to stay-at-home mom for the most part lately – since my little work project forced me to abandon my family over the holidays. 

When you are home face to face with what really needs to be done in the house and with the children – it is quite daunting.

When I was on the go – scrambling to stay alive – I didn’t have time to notice that the hallway needs to be painted or that my youngest child thinks that he spells his name “MAS.”

I didn’t really care if chicken fingers were on the menu again for dinner or if my older child got school “lunch” on the disgusting “Nacho Day.”

So – I have had a little more time to feel guilty or feel like a failure lately.  (Although I got the hallway painted and had an amazing decorator help me to “style” a shelf in my house!!)  It is quite nice to have a minute to get some little areas of my house cleaned up and looking nice.

The shelf – previously was known for featuring dust bunnies and lego pieces - and I told the kids that it is now off-limits.  Once they understood they could never touch the shelf again -they took it very seriously and put this up in front of the shelf – so even they seem happy to have a home that is somewhat in order….

I digress.  Back to being a failure.

Last week – as I was picking up Sam from school I heard one of the other mothers mention that she had forgotten to do the homework.

“What homework?” I asked.

“Oh – they sent home a sheet about their weekly activities – and it said it on the bottom.” the mom said nonchalantly.

“What? I threw that sheet in the garbage! What is the homework?”  I was panicking now.   I try to not be a completely horrible mother – and blatantly throwing homework assignments in the garbage doesn’t exactly line me up for “Mother of the Year.”

“It’s something about “environmental words” – like cut out words and paste them to a paper and send it in,” this former-teacher mom said as she buckled her baby into her car. “They are going to post the pages on their “word-wall.”

“Wait – like what kind of words?” I asked as Sam ran away towards the car.

“I don’t know – like words about the environment – like grass or sky?” she answered.

This didn’t sound like preschool homework to me.

“Sam – do you have a “word-wall” in your class?” I asked peering back at him in the rearview mirror as we drove home.

“Ummmm…..can I have a snack?” he answered distractedly looking out the window.

“Listen to me!! Do you know what the environment is?” I demanded.

“I’m sexy and I know it….” he sang in response.

I turned off the radio in frustration. “Sam – do you know what smog is?” I looked back one more time as I pulled in to the driveway.

“MOOMM!!!  I don’t know what you are talking about!!” he yelled.  (He doesn’t respond well to questions right after school – I think it’s a “boy-thing.”)

By the time I got home I was very concerned with the fact that I would be handing in the preschool homework! late, and on top of it – I didn’t really know how to do it.

I had no choice.

I had to call the teacher.

“Hi Mrs. M….this is Lady goo goo gaga…..I just had to call you because….well – I don’t understand the homework.”

Silence.

She then explained that an “environmental sight word” is a word like TARGET – that Sam knows – only because its part of a logo – but it’s a first step towards reading.   He also knows Dunkin Donuts, Big Y, Starbucks, and Goldfish.

These are all words that we cut out and pasted to a piece of paper.

“Thank God – I called!” I said, “I was going to send in a picture of smog!”

This is the diagram I made with Sam when we got home but something just didn't seem right about this........

She laughed.

But is it really funny?

Is it really funny that I am failing the preschool homework?

Probably not.

Which is maybe why I felt it was time for me to accept another huge work assignment that will have me working in NYC a lot and basically abandoning my family for two weeks.

Oh -and Mr. Gaga has his follow-up colonoscopy next week – and yes my father will be bringing him….again.

It will all work out…….right???

Wish me luck.

PLEASE CLICK ON THE BANNER BELOW….I MIGHT NOT BE THE BRIGHTEST MOTHER IN AMERICA BUT I SURE AM THE FUNNIEST….XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

13 responses »

  1. Ugg, preschool homework is really just one more to-do to add to a mom’s long list of to-do’s. Why can’t homework be left until a child can handle it on their own? So far my son has only gotten alphabet and number writing practice homework, but I still have to help him so it is work for me. :(

    Reply
  2. LOL! I love the diagram! You never fail to make me chuckle. Great post. :)

    Reply
  3. I am laughing so hard right now! I teach Kindergarten so as soon as I read the part about smog and grass I lost it haha! Don’t feel bad, all of my student’s parents work and lots of times homework doesn’t come in on time…if at all. I usually don’t give too much homework anymore because it’s just a pain for everyone until the kids are a little bit older.

    Reply
  4. My 6.5yo is in charge of all homework, because I am failing at it, too. He keeps himself and his 4.5yo sister in line, and prevents me from stupidly removing it from their backpacks before they get a chance to return it to their teachers.

    Good luck with your husband’s colon. I’m sending happy, healthy vibes.

    Reply
  5. Very funny. I wouldn’t hear about half the homework if it wasn’t for the teacher emailing it to me. It is hard enough to get our young kids to focus enough to have a conversation about their day let alone what homework do you have. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  6. Oh hell to the yes!! I have thrown away homework so many times! Now that my kids are in 6th and 3rd grade it’s not as easy to cover my tracks.
    I hate missing those flyers that tell you about spirit week. So when you’re at the bus stop and it’s whacky hair day and all the kids have cool colors and glitter in their hair and your kid looks at you with panic in their eyes. Then you reach in your coat pocket and pull out a bobby pin and a scrunchy and you promise to pull together some amazing work of art. Oh just writing this is making me panic! (Hmm.. I see a blog post in the future of my own!)

    Reply
  7. Oh crap they give out homework to preschoolers what the hell.

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  8. And…I hate/love this because it’s just G.D. ridiculous! WTF about preschoolers homework. love your blog- keep it up :)

    PS that lame smiey face is a way of telling you i like you

    Reply
  9. Can I just say that you are totally not alone?!? I mean… since I quit working about a month ago – I realize that I TOTALLY SUCK at this motherhood thing. WTF? I thought I was amazing! I have no idea if my kids ever have homework. Hell, I don’t even know where they are half the time. Great diagram. I would have copied and pasted from the internet (ahem… I mean drawn) something just like that ;)
    Kristen @ http://www.alittlesomethingforme.com

    Reply
  10. Oh, I am giving you a bunch of blogger awards. Check out my page to see all the deets.
    You’re welcome.

    http://frugalistablog.com/2012/02/24/my-own-acceptance-speech-in-perfect-timing-for-this-weekend/

    Reply

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