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Dear One “Million” Moms,


Dear One “Million” Moms,

I hear that you have waged a war on retailer JC Penney due to the fact that they hired Ellen DeGeneres as their spokesperson.

Your group claims on your website that “By jumping on the pro-gay bandwagon, JC Penney is attempting to gain a new target market and in the process will lose customers with traditional values that have been faithful to them over all these years.

What I find most troubling about all of this is that the name of your group implies that you actually represent the mothers of this country – which of course is not true.

Only in some little backwards town in Mississippi do mothers sit around worrying about advertisements for the JC Penney. Only the most uneducated, sheltered person would consider being fair and open-minded towards a gay celebrity – a “GAY BANDWAGON!!!”

Um, this photo was on your home page - I am a little confused - if you hate the gay bandwagon so much, why do you have a big old lesbian right on your website????

Most American mothers are very busy caring for our children and/or working.  Sorry we don’t have all the free time you have, to spend perusing every little detail of every commercial, television show or movie.

I saw that your last campaign involved calling the Disney Channel regularly to request that when it aired “Little Manhattan” it edited out the word “hell.”

Ok – first of all – “What the fuck is “Little Manhattan?”

Second of all – don’t you think there’s some better activity a “million” women could be doing – besides sitting around waiting for random characters in some creepy Disney movie to say “hell?”

By the way – you might notice that I keep putting the word “million” in quotes because as Ellen DeGeneres pointed out you only have 40,000 members on Facebook.  As you may or may not know, since clearly your level of intelligence is definitely a huge question at this point, but 40,000 does not equal one million.

You give American Moms a bad name!!!!

No wonder the French moms hate us and write books about what horrible parents we are!!

It is because of people like you!!

I have a sneaking suspicion (mostly because you have such a love affair with JC Penney) that you aren’t the most fashionable bunch.

Do you think that possibly you could just be bitter and angry that you have been wearing mom jeans for the past 20 years, and on top of it – your “mom jeans” are from the JC Penney?

Oh so you are boycotting JC Penney? Maybe if you weren't such assholes you could be getting one of these fine jewels for Valentine's Day ......oh well, too bad -suckers!

Don’t be too upset that you are now forced to boycott JC Penney.  It’s not really the end of the world. You can always just do all of your shopping at Walmart from now on – they haven’t moved to the “dark side” like JC Penney.

Ooops – nevermind… just remembered that little harlot, Miley Cyrus, has a line of clothes at Walmart. She wears short skirts and smokes weed – so scratch that plan….just go to Sears.

Ooohhhh – those slutty, get married 50 times for 2 minutes, Kardashians do ads for Sears……hhmmmmm….

Maybe you better get the old needle and thread out…..

I’m sure you can whip up something yourself that would be just as fancy as what JC Penney could offer.  I mean how hard is it to sew together some acid-washed mom-jeans anyways?

By the way – while you asshats are sewing your own mom-jeans and calling JC Penney all day – the rest of the mothers in America are struggling with actual real modern-day issues like balancing work and family, keeping our home clean, and choosing the right activities or sports for our children.

I like to believe that most of  today’s mothers in America are smart, educated and forward-thinking. 

I hope that we are just and open-minded and that we teach our children to be fair and treat other people with respect and consideration. 

Also as a side-note, in between raising my children to be good, smart individuals  – when I have a spare minute to myself I am always trying to be a “milf.”  

When I have attempted to be hip and stylish I have shopped at Nordstrom or Forever 21 or have concentrated my efforts at the makeup counters.

Not once have I entered  a JC Penney in all of my 33 22 years because I always envisioned this:

The Million Moms at their "We Hate the Disney Channel" Rally last week.....

 

But lo and behold – I just discovered that JC Penney is actually turning over a new leaf!!  Along with hiring Ellen – apparently they are getting a little hipper trying to attract “MILFS” like me!!!

It's probably for the best that you boycott the Penney - you don't want to take a chance that you come across any riff raff like these girls.......

In closing – you will not win this battle, my Mississippi friends. 

Do you actually think you homeschooling, bible belt morons in your long braids to the floor and your  mom jeans – can fight Ellen DeGeneres and JC Penney and win??

Thing again assholes. 

Your little stunt has done nothing but provide outstanding free publicity for JC Penney and inspired celebrities and moms across the country to shop there.

Good work …. Jesus would be proud!

Your friend,

Lady Goo Goo Gaga

I actually learned through my friend Hot Mess Mom and her Million Milf March (see now these are the kind of causes I support – moms wanting to be milfs!!!) – that there is now a group called One Million People who support Ellen – which is quickly gaining support and will soon outshine this little cult. 

If you agree with my stance – please share this post on Facebook!!!!  Thanks so much…XO, Lady Goo Goo Gaga

19 responses »

  1. I agree that most moms in american have a MILLION other things to worry about! I love Ellen! (and I homeschooling christian mother-the million moms would be so confused…)

    Reply
  2. I have always wondered who the hell has time for stuff like this. I am so busy with family, work, extra curricular crap and running a home I do not have time for this type of crap. I also did not realize that we had such backward, little minded people that still thought this way that is what cares the shit out of me. I love your post it is amazing and I will be sharing this on fb. You rock!

    Reply
  3. Thank God there’s always Mississippi to make Alabama look a little better…

    I don’t understand boycotting Ellen/Penny’s. I mean, it’s not like she has a line of clothes that screams “I love LESBIANS!” that would make your child go to the “dark side”. All it teaches is it’s okay to shout and pout and have a holy hissy fit when someone different from you and your beliefs is in the spotlight…great lesson Million (Minus 60,000) Moms. No go watch Toddler in Tiara’s and raise your child right! :/

    Reply
  4. OMM, an affiliate of the American Family Association, a labeled hate group. OMM has also begun a boycott on The Girls Scouts of America for, among other opposed issues, “The Girl Scouts have declared 2012 to be “The Year of the Girl,” announcing that they will be “working to break down societal barriers that prevent girls from leading in their own lives.” I do not understand why OMM wants to boycott GSA for teaching our future leaders to lead their own lives. 40,000 moms (rounding up to the nearest million and I get that) raising your child to be a bigot is your parental choice. My parental choice is: “I want to be clear and here are the values that I stand for. I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated, and helping those in need. To me those are traditional values. That’s what I stand for.” –Ellen

    Reply
  5. You don’t visit anymore…you never call. Sniffle.
    I read this post on my blackberry and came to read again. So well put.
    Unbelievable really that in today’s day and time we’re still dealing with this. good for you.

    Reply
  6. You had me until you threw all us homeschoolers under the bus with the OMM bigots. Trust me, there are a good deal of us who don’t resemble these bitches in any way. Many of us are forward-thinking, not driven by religion (in my case, we’re burning-in-hell-atheists) and just as appalled by these nuts.

    Reply
  7. I so agree with this post!

    I am not a mom, but I do shop at Penny’s (and Target and Kohl’s, I have to save money somewhere and I am not cutting back on my scrapbook supplies!) I was so offended when they said they stand for most Penny’s shoppers. I don’t want these crazy people speaking for me! I have no problem with Ellen, I think she is a great person, and I could care less about her sexual orientation!

    Thanks for letting me know about the One Million People Who Support Ellen, I joined it, and they have over 180,000 members! Way to go Ellen!

    Reply
  8. So crazy that they would nitpick at this issue. They could have done something more valuable with their time.

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  9. I know it’s a serious issue, but this post was so darn funny – especially the pic of the sexy mom-jeans wearing fools. Really, where do these hating groups get the time for this crap?

    Reply
  10. Amen!

    Thanks for linking up to finding the funny!

    Reply
  11. I absolutely agree with your position. I participated in the shop-in, even though I’m typically anti-shopping-in-general, and wrote a blog about it —

    http://jesterqueen.com/2012/02/13/shop-in/

    I’m technically visiting from The Lightning and The Lightning Bug and the letter writing campaign today, but other than my complete inability to enter the milf category, I think we think alike on this issue.

    Reply
  12. That made me laugh out loud! I totally agree; surely there’s something more important they could find to do?

    Reply
  13. Pingback: 10 Reasons Why My Kids are Lucky to Have Me as their Mother « Lady Goo Goo Gaga

  14. Pingback: Why my kids are lucky to have me…. | Lady Goo Goo Gaga

  15. I like to share information that I’ve accumulated through the 12 months to assist enhance group performance.

    Reply

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