You know who I am talking about.
Those mothers who give us the blow-by-blow of how awesome their kids are, how awesome their “hubby” is, and how amazing and “blessed” their life is.
It is bad enough when I encounter this type of person in the grocery store or at the preschool drop-off, but now since the invention of Facebook – I have the pleasure of consistently getting inappropriate status updates that nobody cares about.
“Alvin and the Chipmunks and Friendly’s!!!!! Great day for the Smith’s!!!! We are so blessed!!!”
“Date night with my hubby!!! Going to be sooo sad to leave my babies:( But I am so blessed to have a wonderful hubby!!!”
“Johnny is going into a big boy bed – We are so blessed to have a such an independent little sleeper!!!!”
“Ella did pee pee on the potty!! We are so blessed to have an 8- month-old with such great bladder control!!”
“Junior got a star on his kindergarten homework!!! We are so blessed to have a 5-year-old genius in our family!”
OK people – we get it.
YOU ARE BLESSED!!!
TAKE ALL OF YOUR BLESSINGS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR ASS!!!
And before you get all ”You are just mad and bitter …We love Beyonce” on me….I consider myself blessed as well.
I actually have some great days and great experiences in my life. I love my kids and my husband….But guess what?
I don’t feel compelled to tell everyone that I am blessed everyday!!
I don’t call my husband – my ”hubby” in public forums!!
I actually think what these people are blessed with, is an abundance of TIME!!! with essentially nothing to do but think about
ways to trick us into thinking their life is better than ours - how amazing their life is.
I know everyone is entitled to update their status as they see fit – but you know how I feel about people with too much time on their hands……
Now this latest one I couldn’t let go (from a mother in town) – it really takes the cake….
“So happy and grateful to be homeschooling! So wonderful to see amazing accomplishments each day”
Ok – so…
A – You want us to know that you are the best mother in the world because you are homeschooling.
B – You want us to know that not only are you homeschooling your children – but that you are super awesome at it – and that everyone is passing with flying colors.
C – You want us to know that you don’t care if we all think you are an asshole – because you are “happy and grateful.”
And then a month later – this from the same mother:
“My little bubby is not feeling well.
No school today. Praying he feels better soon and doesn’t spread to anyone else!”
Ok – first of all - you already told us you “home school” – so what you should say is “no kitchen today”!!!
And secondly – exactly why can’t he go to
couch in his pajamas school?
Is he that sick? He can’t just shuffle down the hallway to the kitchen table?
And really?? I will save you the suspense.
He’s not going to spread it to anyone else. I think everyone is pretty safe – since he doesn’t interact with other children outside of his home.
Is this a joke? Or are you just trying to rub it in that we are all idiots that send our kids to big buildings filled with swine flu and lice?
Also – are you really praying for him to get better soon and that nobody else got it?
That’s just fucking dumb.
I am no expert in the Jesus department - but I am pretty sure he’s busy trying to find food for people in Africa and watching the football games when Tim Tebow is playing. He doesn’t have time to make sure that your son’s germs aren’t on the door handle at Target.
Well I guess it must be nice at least to have a day off from teaching! Did you email yourself a note excusing “Bubby” from the day’s activities?
Oh and by the way I know that you are a new teacher but I consulted with a couple of my teacher friends (that actually went to college for 4 years and then for several more years getting a Masters Degree in order to get a job as a teacher) - and they told me it is actually highly inappropriate to call your students “Bubby.”
You should be careful with stuff like that!!
You could get fired!
Even though you are surely a highly qualified elementary education teacher, you should be careful to abide by certain guidelines ….unless you are tenured ….then you are totally safe.
I guess you will get feedback on how you are doing when you have a parent/teacher conference, or when you do professional development with qualified staff that have their administrative degree in education.
Oh wait – you don’t do that…..so I guess it would be more like a mom/mom conference…..
I know I am going to get some home school experts that are going to be so mad at me this week – because I am making fun of home schools and Jesus. But I just have one more question – what if Bubby needs recommendation letters for college?
As I said – I know that everyone is allowed to update their Facebook page with annoying information about their lives.
I also know that America’s schools are far from perfect.
But is this the answer??
Even though I occasionally throw Jesus under the bus – if you wouldn’t mind clicking the banner below I would so greatly appreciate it!!! XOXOX LADY GOO GOO GAGA