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Women in Prison


Last week was a great week for Lady Goo Goo Gaga!!! Everybody was loving my letter to Beyonce! (except for a couple of Beyonce stalkers  fans that wrote some interesting comments the past couple of days…) – thanks for all the facebook sharing!!

So – our lives were turned upside-down by a “winter storm” in October, and it seems like as a reward,  we have been snow-free since!

Until this week.

We can’t complain though.  This snow-free winter has been an amazing gift for all of us in New England – but especially mothers! 

I spent many a cold winter’s day stuck in the house with two feisty, bored little boys.  I would start to lose my mind – slowly but surely.   When I couldn’t take it anymore I would bundle them up and bring them somewhere….anywhere….(library, gym daycare, dunkin’ donuts) to break up the day.  At which point, at least one child would promptly get a cold or the stomach bug sending me straight back to jail being housebound for at least a solid week.

Staying home, caring for two small boys, 18 months apart, (without watching more than the 20 minutes of television allotted by the assholes at the American Academy of Pediatrics) can be maddening.

I remember some days one of them would wake up at like 5 am instead of 6 am and I would want to die.  Another cold, dark hour to contend with in an already endless day.

God forbid when one of them wouldn’t nap. 

I would watch the clock like I doing cold, hard time in a high security prison.  The sound of Mr. Gaga coming home was music to my ears.  Sometimes we would cross paths; as he was coming in – I would be running out the door for my life.

If he let me out for even an hour - it was such a help.....

 Why am I telling you all of this?

Because it is important for mothers to stay sane.

It is important for mothers to keep their wits about them.

Remember the “moms club” I joined that offers a community email forum where moms can get answers to tough questions or referrals or references for services and programs?

Remember how I told you that people ask ridiculous questions all day long and I can’t stand it?

Well – I can only think that some mothers spend all their time alone with their children and they start to lose it.

They just aren’t staying sharp…..

They just can’t think on their toes……

How else could I explain this question that was posted:

THIS IS WORD FOR WORD PEOPLE!!!!!

From: Cathy

Subject: [MOMS] Thick socks

Kind of a silly question but I am looking for thick, warm socks for my  3-year-old.  Perhaps wool, I am not sure.

What?

Cathy – you aren’t thinking clearly.  Snap out of it!!!  Try to think very hard and see if you can come up with an answer yourself….

Please come up with an answer yourself??

Ok – first of all we live in New England!!! I could see if this was like Hawaii or something. 

Also – please let me mention the local retailers that have “thick, warm socks” – REI, Cabela’s, Marshalls, Target, TJ Maxx, Nordstrom, Macy’s, Lord and Taylor, JCPenney, Old Navy to name just a FEW of the stores IN TOWN!!!

If you cannot figure this out  – I am very concerned for your sanity!!!!

Or this equally disturbing question:

From: Liz

Subject: [MOMS] Hangers

Ok fellow consigners, any ideas on where to get the cheapest hangers?

Really?

I am speechless.

They come free at the cleaners.

I mean – I don’t really know what else to say.

I understand that it can be very frustrating when one cannot find hangers.   The worst is when you can’t find the right TYPE of hanger.  That could send anyone over the edge. 

But you people need to PROBLEM SOLVE!!!!!

When I found a closet full of WIRE hangers - I went completely nuts and on my way to the mental institution I dropped them all off at Liz's house......

Please, please, please – for your own well-being and for the well-being of others receiving your emails and the well-being of your children -

GET OUT OF YOUR HOME AND SPEAK TO ADULTS.

JOIN A BOOK CLUB.

GET A PART-TIME JOB.

PLAY SCRABBLE.

START A BLOG.

Anything you can possibly do to stay sharp – do it.

If we cannot, as mothers, maintain our sanity then everybody is completely screwed.

We are in charge of the safety and well-being of our children and sometimes our significant other.  We need to keep our wits about us!

Consider this a public service announcement for mothers who are home losing their minds.

If you no longer know how to access a sock or a hanger – trouble lies ahead my friend.

I don’t want any phone calls or emails this week asking me if I made up those questions!! IT IS FOR REAL!!!  Since I have to endure these emails in order to share them with you – can you at least click the banner below?? Thanks!!! Ladygoogoogaga

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23 responses »

  1. Oh Geezus sister! Do we belong to the same club?
    Questions- when should I let my daughter wear a thong? when should I stop bathing with my son? What can I put in my kids’ lunches that they will like?
    Let’s see- my answers would be:
    a) when she’s an adult
    b) now
    c) chips and cookies

    These moms need to get a clue!!

    You’re a riot! I’m a fan for sure!

    Reply
  2. I think so! I was going to unsubscribe but then I thought I would miss out on the entertainment!

    Reply
  3. I’m friends with more women than men. Teh common complaint is the lack of “ife” they lead. I always say it’s their fault not their children’s. This applies to daddys too. I’ll catch myself whining on teh twitterz or to someone I work with about never talking to adults and always being consumed by my daughters’ stuff. Then my wife will say, “so and so invited you to lunch” or “so and so aSKED YOUto watch the game and you turned them down”…

    good advice

    Reply
  4. Lol!! That is too funny!

    Reply
  5. Bahaaa!!! Love this comment too!! You’re answers are priceless!

    Reply
  6. I so relate to this post. Not the crazy question part {obviously insane} but the staying homee on never-ending dark days especially when snowing and freezing part. Last year, I distinctly recall not leaving the house for over a week and wanting to die.
    Know that I would make you cappucino and invite you for playdates weekly if you lived closer. Or in the actual country. There is strength in numbers!! Xo

    Reply
  7. Any mother would go crazy being cooped up. I hate when it happens, and I don’t even get snow here.

    At least though, the questions I get are from my 4 year old and therefore legitimate:
    Non-stop questions about who is a boy and who is a girl.
    1000 a day about cows.
    Singing the same song 100 times in a row. Painful.

    Reply
  8. Yes….I lost my mind today. Not sure if I want to reclaim it. However you will not find me lying in bed awake tonight wondering where I can purchase some thick socks to hang on my cheap coat hangers.

    Reply
  9. Beyonce has stalkers? Who knew?

    I heard this the other day and almost threw up in my mouth:

    “Do you think five is too late to start potty training?”

    That, my friends, is like real adult poo, grown man poo…why is this even being allowed let alone asked in public??? Someone call DHR.

    Reply
  10. oh holy shit.. did you really join a mom chat room and then make fun of the other members on your blog?

    i’m officially in love..

    Reply
  11. I am obsessed with your blog. As a teacher and a mother of a 1.5 year old, you are a-maz-ing. You are the stay at home mom that I was during the summer, and now judge as a working mom again. Thank God for you and seeing clearly. Email me if you need a consigner. You know, because children’s clothing is the end-all be-all.

    Reply
  12. hahaha.. Hilarious! I love it.. Sooo sarcastic and downright honest.. My kind of girl! I’m a newbie blogger and was looking for blogs to read and I must say you’re the very FIRST one I really honestly would want to read and wait what your next blog would be..

    if you’re not that busy, come check my blog out and tell me how it is.. I need some advice, or tips or some criticism.. I’m a mom to a 1 yr old daughter who acts like she’s 3 already..

    http://www.poshappetite.blogspot.com
    a blog dedicated to all moms out there who feel guilty indulging in things they love whether it’s a brand new pair of shoes, a slice of your favorite dessert, or just having 5 minutes of “ME” time.

    Reply
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  14. Just discovered your blog through the Out and About Mom blog, and thus I live in your town and subscribe to the same (ridiculous) e-mail listserv. I LOVE this post. Please tell me you saw the recent entry on the “Mom Club” Facebook page, where some chick was looking for more information on how she could obtain materials on homeschooling. But then proceeded to write this request in a grammatically incorrect fashion.

    Reply
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