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Storm Alfred is a M$#*f*&^er and other lessons learned this week…..


I have learned some important lessons while living in Connecticut this week without power. This is DAY 9!!!!  Tomorrow will be DAY 6 of no school!!!!

Can you believe it??

Thank Jesus – my mother had power – so as a result there have been anywhere from 6 to 10 people living with her all week. 

Here are some Life Lessons learned throughout this trying time:

LIFE LESSON #1 – NOBODY CARES ABOUT CONNECTICUT:

I know people from NY and NJ who think Connecticut is just one big Greenwich.  If that’s what people in the tri-state area think – I can only imagine what people from Kansas think. 

Is that why nobody cares that we are basically in complete and utter devastation and have no hot water and no heat and the temperature has been in the 20’s some nights?

Is it because you all think of us as people wearing Lily Pulitzer cardigans, wearing a headband and UGGS sitting by the fire with our Burberry blanket and our lap-dog?

This is me with some of the gals from my book club during the summer when we had power.....

 

Rest assured that we are not all “Greenwich.” – Not even close.

We are tired, cold, filthy and hungry  fat (because Halloween got cancelled so we ate all of the candy because we are depressed!!!)

So there is nothing more offensive than when you wake up from your “bed” (AKA – couch at your mother’s house or sleeping bag on the cold floor) to see Kris Kardashian discussing the breaking news of her daughter’s 72 hour marriage or her new book about her life.

Listen – I have been known to “keep up with” a Kardashian or two – but really????

We are in utter devastation and I have to look at this??

And by the way - what the fuck is she wearing??? Is she like rubbing it in that we are Amish now???

LIFE LESSON #2 –  A CARBON MONOXIDE ALARM CAN ACTUALLY SAVE YOUR LIFE:

Upon sleeping in front of a fire for night #1  – we decided it would be good to hook up the generator and plug-in a space heater and a couple of other things.  Well apparently you cannot start a generator in your driveway and keep the window open a crack for the wire to plug-in your fridge.  I found this out when my trusty carbon monoxide alarm went off and I ran screaming from the house and threw my kids outside into the snow in their pajamas.

“Oh my god – we almost just all fell asleep and died!!” I said to my husband in disbelief.   Several people have died or become ill in Connecticut due to this exact problem – I cannot believe I was smart enough (ok – it was probably Mr. Gaga) to install a carbon monoxide alarm and it actually saved our lives!!!  If you don’t have one – get one ASAP.

3- LIFE LESSON #3 – CHARGE YOUR SHIT.

Charge your devices people.  There’s nothing more disturbing than the power going out and when your kids want to talk,  read a book,  use the IPAD, use their Leapster, or use the Nintendo DS, all of said devices need to be charged.

I know what you are thinking – “Oh –  I would let them play with my phone.”

Um, make sure those are charged too.

And if your phone is charged use it sparingly.  In the cold, dark hours I became quite particular about who I could speak to and for how long.  Most conversations have gone as follows:

“Do you have power?”

“No. Do you?”

“No.”

“When do you think we will get it back on?”

“I don’t know – I haven’t seen any workers, have you?”

“No.”

“I am going to go to the mental institution now.”

“Ok – tell me when you get power.”

“Ok – you too.”

“Bye.”

You can’t be talking in circles like this with every neighbor or friend – when you have one bar left on your phone!!!

After a couple of days – we were tired and had negative bars – we were down to texting….

“P?”

“N.”

WTF!!!!

LIFE LESSON #4 – KERATIN IS MY FRIEND:

I have gotten the  Brazilian blowout version of the Keratin treatment necessary to have sleek smooth hair.  I have not invested the money or time to get the full treatment – and my blowout from JUNE! is long-gone.  As a result my hair is frizzy and disgusting without serums, blowdryers, and flat-irons.

When my husband hooked up the generator the fact that he didn’t even question me when I plugged in the coffee pot and the flat-iron first – indicates to me that it was a dire situation.  I looked like a lunatic.

This is me waiting for my husband to hook up the generator.....

 
 
LIFE LESSON #5 – MOTHERHOOD IN 2011 ISN’T THAT BAD AFTERALL…..
 
Now that my friends and I have experienced motherhood – Ma Ingalls-style – I have realized that things are not so bad for us after all….
 
Our children get to do luxurious things like go to sleep in a bed away from a fire, and not wearing a coat and 50 blankets.
 
They get to play video games and watch movies and television all day!! 
Is that so bad???
 
Now that we have lived without it – I have realized that the television is a beautiful and wonderful device that is nothing but a help in our plight as mothers. 
 
We should stop talking about how bad it is. 
 
We should embrace it and love it. 
 
Personally – when I get power back – I am going to french-kiss mine.
 
Now – on that note – I am off to drink alcoholic beverages.   This is what I do now.  Next time I go to the doctor and fill out one of those questionnaires I won’t be able to fill out the bubble for moderate drinking….I am going to have to go ahead and fill in the “one or more a day” bubble……Great.
 
 I AM NOW SCHEDULED TO GET POWER SOMETIME BETWEEN TOMORROW AND WEDNESDAY….THAT WILL BE A TOTAL OF 10-12 DAYS!!!!   FOR THE LOVE OF GOD -THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS CLICK THE BANNER BELOW FOR ME…..
 
 
 
 
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45 responses »

  1. As always, you made me laugh!!!

    Reply
  2. omg i can’t believe you still have no power.. goodnighttt goooodnight. (wheels self down the hallway)

    Reply
  3. Loved this one. Read out loud to my family and was laughing my but off!!!

    Reply
  4. I hope you get power soon! Thank goodness for your mom and alcohol.

    Reply
  5. This is hysterical. I do hope you get the power on sooner than later, but I am loving your rant!

    Reply
  6. I laughed out loud! THis is your best since Bingo and the “nickels”, Hilarious!

    Reply
  7. Hilarious! seriously, I don’t mean to laugh at your misfortune & I totally get the need to drink. Good luck, hope you get power back soon and don’t run out of alcohol

    Reply
  8. You must live near me! Just got our power back on (sorry) Friday. I have two boys (ages 8 & 4) and I love your blog.

    Reply
  9. OH MY! That’s freaking annoying long time to have no power. Way to hang in there! Plus, At least you haven’t lost your sense of humor. ;)

    Reply
  10. Try Irish coffee in the morning, a bloody mary in the afternoon, a vodka gimlet or two before dinner and motrin pm before bed to get you through the day. Just make sure someone has at least one eye on the kids, This should get you through these trying times.

    Reply
  11. OMG, I would just die. We still have lots of games, etc when the power goes out, but I have a very unhealthy obsession w/my TV!!! Hope you guys get your power back soon. Good luck w/not going totally nuts!

    Reply
  12. I’m glad you didn’t die because an open casket wouldn’t have been pretty with that hair situation.

    Reply
  13. I have sympathy! My MIL was powerless in CT, too. My hubs grew up there. We have CT sympathy all up in here.

    God bless TV.

    And flat irons.

    Reply
  14. I just left my comment under the wrong post! But you are cracking me up!

    Reply
  15. I find it just…odd that CT was forgotten. Nutso! My block here in NJ came back in just over a day, but just 2 blocks over was about 4 days, and another block on the other side of my house took about 6 days. WTF, PSE&G? I don’t get it at all.

    If it makes you feel any better? My basement still isn’t fully back to being refinished since the hurricane Irene’s power outages/ass kicking. And this is my 3rd time finishing it in less than 4 years.

    Yay for Carbon Monoxide alarms! I’d be so sad if I didn’t see you around cyberspace, my dear.

    Reply
    • Thanks so much:) we just got power tonight….10 days without power is normal right?? Where do I live? Alaska?

      Reply
      • You must live in a really, really remote part of CT. It is such a vast state, this could totally happen.

        PS: Did you get water in your basement? Mine still isn’t 100% recovered from Hurricane Irene (she was SUCH a bitch), but we’ve resolved that issue. Now? We just need the Magic Electricity Fairy to deliver one of those $10,000 automatic generators to us before the next big storm.

  16. omg that is absolutely HORRIBLE!! I really hope you get power back ASAP. After 5 days my coping skills were shot, so I don’t blame you for taking solace in some cocktails or pretty much anything else that would help you cope with your horrendous circumstances.
    But, I will say this, your sense of humor is definitely still intact. ;-)

    Reply
  17. I’m SO glad you have power back! I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be freezing to death watching the news obsess over the damned Kardashians. With whom I have never kept up. Stay warm.

    Reply
  18. So glad your power is back! I can’t even imagine what I would do without power for over a week…it hurts just to think about it haha

    Thanks for the laughs!

    Reply
  19. Living in CT here too, our town was 100% without power till last Tuesday, then slowly parts of town got power back, ours came back Sat morning. The biggest bitch was no power = no water, so no toilets……sent my kids to my mom’s and rode out the cold blackness with my husband, 2 dogs and our fireplace and kerosene heater…..not much fun

    Now have a huge generator being delivered, I will never go through that again!!!!

    Your blog cracks me up…….

    Reply
  20. Hope you are up and running by now. That is a whole lot of family togetherness! Yikes!
    I am checking the status of our carbon monoxide detector after this!

    BTW I am from Kansas. What I think of CT is all I learned from Fred Astaire and Bing Crosby in Holiday Inn! Snowy and beautiful. A visit there is on my Bucket List (but not before the power is back!).

    Reply
  21. Those kardashians! I am so glad you got your power back. My parents friends were without it for a week too.

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  22. I was one of the lucky ones in CT who didn’t lose power I’ve my fingers crossed all goes well with you getting it back today!

    Reply
  23. I hope you have power by now. I’m sorry to prove you right about my non knowledge of Connecticut. I had know clue there was even a storm let alone one bad enough to leave people without power for days. Stay warm.

    Stopping by from write on edge.

    Reply
  24. Sounds like you had a heck of a time — I hope everything’s back to normal! I’m right by NYC and we got almost nothing in that storm — I still can’t believe how much damage it caused everywhere else.

    Reply
  25. Power outages are the pits, man. I’ll be the first to tell you that without power I wouldn’t survive long. I’m not a roughing it type chick. There is a reason I was born in this century, or um, the last one! So, is it back on yet?!

    Reply
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  27. I’d like you to know I love Connecticut. because I love to spell it. Connect. I. Cut.
    That, and we like to drive on the Hutch on the way to NYC. Heh.

    Here’s hoping you’re fully flat ironed and cafinated.

    Reply
  28. Ten days. And to think I bitched about three. I apologize, for I knew not how good I had it. Also, I would go to the car to charge mah phone. In the middle of the night. It was way less creepy than it sounds, to be sneaking in and out when everyone is already on edge about being robbed b/c COME ON THE ALARM IS NOT WORKING AND ALL THE BURGLARS MUST KNOW THIS, THEY’RE GONNA TAKE ALL OUR ALBUMS!

    I am incredibly jealous of your keratin treatment. Seriously.

    Reply
  29. Oh I feel for you! Hurricane Irene came and knocked out our power the week before we were moving abroad. Nothing like trying to pack at night by flashlight. The power came on–no joke–a half hour before our movers arrived to haul everything to storage!

    And I have learned the bliss that is TV, and my kids aren’t two yet, which makes me a terrible mom according to American Academy of Pediatrics and moms who have time to spend the afternoon making crafts with their kids. Why does AAP want to keep women down? I think that’s really what it’s about. If I did not have TV, I don’t think I could get their dinner ready. I would have two tiny monkeys pulling at my legs, pushing chairs and trying to get on the counter to see what I am doing.

    Reply
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