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Scary Party and Scary Lunch


So – remember when my friend Martha had a party in her backyard and all hell broke loose?

And remember when we went to the party that was not a “traditional American” party?

Well – let’s say I have learned a little bit about birthday parties – and I have spent a small fortune on bouncing facilities, carousels, clowns, face painters, etc…..

So, I took a risk and hosted a Halloween party for Michael on Saturday!

I was a little concerned about hosting 16 kids in costume (9 of which came toting a light saber – which usually is a recipe for disaster.)  But I learned from Martha – and I only planned one structured activity.

So a good bulk of the party the kids were left to run wild – chasing each other with their weapons…..They loved it!!

Mr. Gaga and I even dressed up, we had a fog machine and a bloody hand like Martha had suggested and scary decorations.

I even made an amazing graveyard cake! 

I know what you are thinking....Don't worry I already started the ball rolling to appear on the next season of Cake Boss.....

There were no fights.

There were no tears.

I mean if this keeps up – I might have to end this blog….what is this world coming to??

And in other “Mother of the Year” news – I went to Michael’s school on Friday to have lunch with him for his birthday.  I have to say a couple of things about this……

(You didn’t think this was going to be all about happy children and good kids’ parties and being a good mom did you??)

Ok  – first of all, there is a new phenomenon where the children of today want their mother to be with them all the time.  

Can you believe this horse shit?

I understand it’s not the 1970’s anymore – when mother’s were not even watching us ……so involved.

However- if my mother even put one toe into my school cafeteria – I would have hidden under the table so fast or pretended I went blind like Mary from Little House on the Prairie.

(That show led me to believe that you could go completely blind at any minute for no good reason – so I would often stare straight ahead and pretend I went blind.)

This was me in 1985 - whenever my mother popped into the cafeteria to see how my day was going and bring me McDonald's.....

Not this generation. 

As a mother – this new attitude of loving your mother is great – because Michael was sooo excited to see me – his eyes lit up and he patted the seat next to him to show me where to sit…. ( my heart soared.)

It was ‘picture day” – so he looked especially cute with his hair gelled in his Ralph Lauren “handsome shirt,” waiting anxiously for my arrival.

I brought him McDonald’s in a Halloween Happy Meal container and I think he might have been as happy to see me as the food.

What???

I would have kept in character of a blind girl and felt around with my hands and snatched that Happy Meal and ran away.

But anyways – it was nice to sit and eat with my son and chat.  So when there was a lull in the conversation I took a second to look around at the surroundings and the other children.

I was so confused.

Wait a second……Did I get my dates mixed up? Is this “picture day” or is this “try out for the role of orphan in the production of “Annie?”

Some of the girls in Michael's class were practicing poses for their school picture....

I slowly started peering around table by table and assessing the situation.  I could not believe my eyes.   You know how I am not a fan of the latest craze of letting your kids go to school looking like heroin addicts with snarled hair, well that was just the tip of the iceberg.

Let me be clear – I live in an AFFLUENT TOWN. 

One child I know of that lives in a home that is approximately 6000 square feet and has live-in domestic help, had shorts on that looked like pajamas and a shirt that didn’t match.

What goes on in people’s homes in the morning? As I returned my attention back to the table I was at, I looked at the boy directly to the left of me.

I am not kidding you when I say that this was what this 7-year-old boy was wearing……

I had to stop myself from staring in horror openly.  God, my eyes……it would actually be good to be Mary in this cafeteria.

What the hell goes on????

Do people just not give a shit anymore??

At the very least could you give the kid something seasonally appropriate?

(It was 60 degrees and torrential downpours on Friday.)

I will say that whenever I get involved with the kids’ activities/school I get more glimpses of the bizarre world that we live in.

Is this just my town or is this a new phenomenon of parents everywhere?  Parents that are too tired, overwhelmed, old?? to care about minor things like combing their children’s hair or putting an outfit on their 7-year-old son – that is not his baby sister’s summer clothes…….

Either way – there’s one great thing about this…..

My kids look like freaking rock stars.

Oh and P.S. – I am keeping this all light and cute because if I stop and think about the fact that I have a 6-year-old!!!! I will cry…..so please click on the banner below to vote for me!!! Thanks so much! xoxox, Lady Goo Goo Gaga

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26 responses »

  1. I’m not easily amused, but this one almost brought me to tears. I laughed….like REALLY LAUGHED!!!! Thanks for sharing. You got my Vote!

    Reply
  2. You are totally making it up that someone older than 3 wore that God-awful shirt!

    That and apparently my tween hasn’t gotten the memo about attached kids. I do “lunch lady” duty at her school once a month and am instructed not to look at OR talk to her. I watch her from around the corner – I. Am. Pathetic.

    Reply
  3. I don’t care what those people say. You are secretly the queen of good mama’s. I hope to be just like you one day. And bake a cake half as cool as that one!

    Reply
  4. And PS – I live in an “affluent” mostly italian”ish” area — the kids mostly look the same way. Is it that all the mama’s are too busy looking at themselves to look at their kids?
    I say yes my friend. I say yes.

    Reply
  5. What is more disturbing are the girls in middle school that look like hookers. Shame on their parents for allowing this. Very funny blog. The cake was eerily well done. Michael seems like a very sweet little boy. You are very lucky.

    Reply
  6. Hysterical and appauling in the same breath!! Love it!

    Reply
  7. So funny…and it is so true…moms and dads visiting kids in school is beyond cool now…who knew?? The fact that my mother even noticed that I had even left for school would have been amazing…nevermind which school I attended at any given time.

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  8. By the way…I had a wonderful and sort of healthy Halloween snack sent in last year. It was string cheese with lines scored on them to look “finger like” and then thin slices of green pepper to make the fingernails…creepy yet yummy.

    Reply
  9. You are kicking butt at being a mom -throwing awesome parties and having the best dressed kid at school!

    Reply
  10. I will never look at Little House on the Prairie the same again!

    Reply
  11. I just wrote a comment but didn’t save so here I am again. Basically what I said was that as a former teacher, outfits on kids these days freaking amaze me! The girls are the worst. They let their ass cheeks hang out and wear a tube top–which neither is even allowed at school! It’s embarrassing!

    Reply
  12. It was Scarlet Fever! Even blind she could tell that Adam was better looking than Manley. I am far from affluent, but two of my children are presentable. The 3rd looks like she is style by Shiloh Jolie-Pitt despite my best effort

    Reply
  13. So I found you through Growing Up Geeky’s Toddle Along Tuesday this week… LOVED the post you linked up and I started roaming around your blog (starting with the playgroup post)

    Oh. mah. gah. You had my dying and half way pissing my pants with laughter (not too hard to believe, 3rd tri is rough on a bladder that won’t empty when you want it to but one good laugh or cough and you’re wondering if your husband should rub your nose in it like you would a puppy you’re trying to potty train…but I digress!)

    Just wanted to stop on by and say that I love your blog and voice!
    Lacey from The Southern Mommy Chronicles

    Reply
  14. I know what you mean about going to the cafeteria & getting the real scoop on things. Thad outfit was ridiculous! Your pictures & the captions made me laugh!

    Reply
  15. Its like you can read my mind! My 3 year old daughter goes to preschool in a very affluent town (the NJ equivalent of your CT town) and shes wearing matching clothes and her hair is neatly brushed in pigtails. I look around and see 3 and 4 year old girls in shorts (yes, in 60 degree weather) cowboy boots OR legwarmers, a dirty t-shirt and some sort of puffer vest, with hair that hasnt been brushed in a month. My theory is NOT that the parents dont care, its that they care TOO MUCH and are trying way too hard to be cool. I think these parents want to pretend that they are still living in Brooklyn and their child is going to have a playdate with Matilda Ledger after school. Their child’s clothes scream, “look how hip I am, I let my child wear whatever they want” when in reality, you know the parent picked the outfit out right down to the dirty t-shirt and stupid cowboy boots. What do you think??

    Reply
    • Omg you are so right!!! You are so smart, I really honestly have not been able to figure out this phenomenon …but I think you are totally on to something!!! I love the mathilda ledger reference…..Especially since these kids are dressed like Shiloh jolie-Pitt……

      Reply
      • Thank you. Thank you very much. I’m glad you agree with my crazy theory. Clearly I spend a little too much time analyzing these parents! But how can I help myself: who in their right mind drives a Range Rover, yet lets their child leave the house looking homeless!? I’m sure they look at my daughter and think- “look at her with her pigtails and her matching clothes and sneakers! what a LOSER!” well- you know what: I think thats how a 3-yr-old (one who regularly bathes and has a roof over her head) should look!

  16. I’m with you! Whenever I want to feel better about my mothering abilities, I just go to Walmart and look at the kids there. We also live in a well-off area, but I look around and think OMG! It’s one thing to let yourself go (I still am trying to get it together with a 7 month old and 27 month old), but something altogether different to neglect your kids to the point that they look like urchins from Les Miserables. I understand clothes get dirty or torn, but it’s called mend them and wash them! Or chuck them out and get new ones. If you can afford $400 jeans, you can get your kid a new shirt. Argh! Glad the party was a success! Your cake looked amazing BTW.

    Reply
  17. Recently I popped into my 6yo’s classroom to steal him away for a walk through his school’s book fair…and he was GLOWING. i swear I almost cried, it was so sweet.

    But I hear ya on the lower standards. I don’t mind my kids going to school in casual clothes (my son’s more into sporty stuff), but it will be clean, seasonably appropriate and if it’s picture day? I’m all over it.

    I think some parents just don’t want to battle over clothes. I didn’t want to, either, so we came to a middle ground where I got them in what they want but at a ‘niceness’ that I can be happy with. Our kids are a reflection of us. I don’t want that reflection to be “Kids are in charge & I am a slob”.

    Oh, and the cake? LOVE IT.

    Reply
  18. So funny! It is good to know what is coming since my child is only in preschool, where parents in the school are an everyday event. My child’s school has uniforms, so it is much easier to pick out clothes that way, which is nice. You must be my exact age–I remember little house on the prairie and annie so well! Stopped by from Finding New Friends Blog Hop. Following via facebook!

    Reply
  19. Hysterical! Thanks for the laugh

    Reply

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