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Escape from Alcatraz


My blogging schedule is a little off this week due to my ESCAPE!!!! romantic getaway, for my 10 year anniversary.

Last week I could barely think straight I was so riddled with fear and anxiety.

Once we left CT (86 degrees and sunny) and landed in Miami (Tropical Storm, torrential rain, 77 degrees) – I was happy to have arrived safely – but my anxiety was creeping up on me…..

Why did I leave my babies to sit in Florida in the rain?

Well the answer was quite simple really…….

It was for lots and lots of these……

But 10 years is a long time people – I mean we are not spring chickens.

So I just want to lay it out for you – for those of you who are spring chickens – how this all goes down when you are old and weathered.

5 Differences between 2011 trip to Miami and trip 10 years ago:

1 -All your bits and pieces aren’t where/what they used to be

So when you are trying to be sexy and glamorous and your boobs and butt are sagging out a tankini – this doesn’t translate well.  I swear, I have had an Italian ass/thigh situation my whole life, but after I had kids – it was like someone deflated my butt – it just kind of hangs there.  And the boobs – forget it.  Then of course the stomach that is not exactly washboard-esque and for added glory has wrinkled skin hanging off my belly button.

All the young hotties - took one look at this and were all over me.....

I am not 400 lbs.  I want to clarify this – because my Italian father said – after I wrote this – “What the hell is wrong with you? Nobody knows what you look like and everyone is going to think you are obese with a moustache…..”

HOWEVER!!!  There has been a lot of damage.  Things (i.e. boobs, skin elasticity, ab muscles) have not weathered the storm.

2 – Your eyeballs just don’t work like they used to.  

After having 4 martinis in the middle of the first day – I promptly passed out at 5 o’clock and my husband woke me up at 7:30.  There was absolutely no way that I could have kept my eyeballs open past 5 pm.

My husband didn’t take a nap.

Guess who was falling asleep at dinner.

In our old age – we have to be very careful and strategic about drinking and staying awake – we just are not able to do what we used to do.

We could then be seen in the hotel lobby with toothpicks holding our eyes open, looking very cool and very young.

3 – Our digestive tracts ain’t what they used to be:

Though we forgot hair products and razors, we somehow managed to remember what’s important – and that is travel-size room spray.

Between the excessive drinking and delectable meals – our stomachs were basically on a rollercoaster ride that was  too much for their old-age.

One night after dinner – we were going to have drinks in the hotel bar – and I had a sudden pain in my stomach. 

“I think I am going to have an episode.” I said – which is my code word for any unpleasant digestive issues.

“Ok – I’ll come up with you and then we will come back down.” my husband said. 

Yeah right.  We both had to “digest” our food like a couple of eighty-year-olds, and then passed out with cups of Alka Seltzer sizzling on our night stands.

4 -Vacations used to make you feel better:

There is a lot more at stake when we are away from the kids now.

Small things to most – are now very important.  I could often be heard saying or thinking some of the following sentences:

I have to stay in the pool longer and enjoy it- this is the last time I will be in a body of water alone without someone hanging on me for like 5 years.”

“I should pass out and take a nap for 3 hours – just because I can – and I won’t be able to again until I am a senior citizen.”

“We can’t go back to the room yet – it’s only 12:15.  Most of Miami is just coming out now…..hopefully these toothpicks will hold…….”

So what do you know – because we tried to do too much, we came home Monday night at 12:30 – exhausted!!!   And the kids woke us up this morning – and it has been rough ever since.

It will take approximately 10-15 days to recover from this vacation.

5 – Mom jeans were invented for a reason:

Apparently I am too old to just go to Forever 21 and buy and wear whatever slutty  trendy outfit I want to….

At least that’s what my husband seemed to think when I rocked mini-skirts both nights of our trip – Uh – like EVERYONE else was!!!

“But you have 2 little boys!” he said hesitantly – when I saw my outfit.

Can you believe he said this???  Apparently I looked like Dina Lohan – but I didn’t care – So I am trying to dress young – so shoot me. This was one of my skirts ……

Tell me girls – LOVE IT?? OR LOHAN?

Happy Anniversary to Mr. Gaga!!! 

Mr. Gaga loves me so much that he  has lived with me for 10 years despite the fact that I call him Mr. Gaga and apparently dress like a tart.  If you love me as much could you please just click the banner below? Thank you !!!!   xoxoxox Lady Goo Goo Gaga

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28 responses »

  1. Hope you had a great Anniversary, even with a decade of change. This truly is a funny post. I can see you and Mr. Gaga on a mission to do everything that you won’t be able to do until your old…real old like me! Oh, and you rock that skirt.

    Reply
  2. Congratulations! Loved that you managed to get away.
    PS. Loved the shoes in the skirt photo!

    Reply
  3. I need a vacation to recover from any time away.

    My body… it’s like it’s been stretched. Oh wait, it has been. SIGH. Not fat, but not all tight and sexy like I used to be.

    Yes, I said it. I used to be sexy.

    Damnit.

    Reply
  4. Oh for the days when vacations meant you came home rested.

    And the skirt looked good. My mom used to wear mini skirts in her 40’s after 8 kids. Yes, as a teen it embarrased the hell out of me since I didn’t want her dressing like me, but she didn’t care. She wore what she felt comfortable in, and I guess I do the same now too.

    Reply
  5. I hear you. I so hear you. Twins? Have made my stomach resemble the one in that pic a little to closely for my comfort.

    On another note, Happy Anniversary! And keep rockin’ the mini, girl.

    Reply
  6. no Lohan… total LOVE! Rock that mini, mama! :) Hope you had a great anniversary!

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  7. Well, LOVE IT, of course! Rock that skirt! I have been married 12 years this November, so I know all about that of which you speak. Alllllllll about it.

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  8. I am laughing so hard about your episodes! THAT is some funny shit, my friend! Pun intended. ;)

    Sounds like you had a great time – recovery notwithstanding.

    Reply
  9. Hee! Happy anniversary! Sounds like a great trip! :)

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  10. Good for you for wearing the dinky skirt & bikini. I always find it sad when I think I look awful in a photo, then see again ten year later & think, “Man, I was really hot back then.” Maybe I’ll appreciate today’s bikini body sometime in 2021.

    Reply
  11. Ha ha! I think it should be required that when children should pay for us moms to get everything tucked BACk in! Lol. Well, sounds like it was fun anyway.

    Reply
  12. Wait a minute, that’s you in the skirt picture? Not Dina L? You’re hot and those legs are divine. Hello calf muscles! You own it girl, It’s Miami after all. I wore a black bikini on my honey moon. From Vicky’s secret. Because I knew it would most likely be my last trip to string it.

    Happy Anni. 10 years for the win. Excuse me while I go have an episode.

    Reply
  13. Happy anniversary! The discussion of the Italian body cracks me up because I have all the same stuff going on. Sometimes my husband looks at pictures of my old Italian grandmother and looks at me and says he knows that will happen to me one day, But I think I can prevent a lot of it – specifically what he refers to as the ham hock arms.

    The skirt looks great!

    Reply
  14. Happy anniversary! Hope you recover from your vacation soon!

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  15. —Love the skirt. You Rock in it :))

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  16. Glad you got to get away for a bit, even though things aren’t what they used to be, lol! I totally get the mom jeans thing–I don’t know where I fit in the wardrobe spectrum these days.

    Reply
  17. Rach DonutsMama

    I totally get the mom jeans thing–I don’t know where I land on the wardrobe spectrum anymore. Happy Anniversary!

    Reply
  18. Hey, I no longer have the dexterity to wear a pair of shoes like that! So, who am I to judge?! Happy anniversary…here’s to the next ten years!

    Reply
  19. You’re obviously hot based on that last pic. Hello! Your husband is one lucky guy.
    Cute and hilarious? A perfect combination.
    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
    xo

    Reply
  20. Happy Anniversary! You have great gams, work ‘em.

    Reply
  21. You are only as old as you dress (I mean feel). Happy Anniversary and thanks for sharing on Monday Mingle.

    Reply
  22. Dude…My wrinkly tummy skin SO beats yours! You look great!

    Reply
  23. Pingback: What I learned…. « Lady Goo Goo Gaga

  24. Pingback: Making my bed and sleeping in it…. « Lady Goo Goo Gaga

  25. Happy anniversary …late…. i think you look adorable! Isn’t it funny how we turn into our parents… going to bed early, not being able to handle the drinking and partying?

    Stopping by from Mama Kat’s. I chose the same prompt!

    Reply
  26. I say wear whatever makes you feel good! Mr. Gaga should realize how lucky he is! Loved this post.

    Reply

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