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Top ten reasons why going “back to school” sucks


This week has really sucked.  I mentioned last week how I have been enjoying myself and I was forced into reality this week.  My last week of summer and the kids and myself were sick all week and then we had a hurricane.

Can you say quick spiral into depression?

I am so not into back to school mode – and not to be “Debbie Downer”- but the following is my top ten reasons why going back to school sucks:

1 – No Sleep: Lord help me – I have to wake up. My kids don’t sleep late – so I have been spending the whole summer letting them stay up watching inappropriate television, playing outside, going to the movies on the beach, in an effort to have them wake up late.  It worked perfectly.  We are now on a great schedule where we wake up between 8 and 8:30 and squeal into 9:00 camp on two wheels, the kids in ratty t-shirts and shorts, a pop-tart in one hand and a towel in the other.  When school starts the kids need a healthy breakfast, a packed snack and healthy lunch, matching clothing, brushed teeth and clean faces.  Michael’s bus comes at 8:05 am.  I’m screwed.

During the school year – I try to make something fun and healthy for breakfast like this!
During the summer – late nights coupled with lots of wine drinking often resulted in the kids eating a
breakfast on the go – usually whatever I could grab and hand to them…..See below:
 
 
 
 

 

2 -Rag Rotation: Just when I had gotten completely used to my summer “rags” -http://lgoogoogaga.wordpress.com/2011/05/02/riches-to-
rags/
I am going to soon have to face another season of not having all of the appropriate clothing items I need to be trendy and fabulous.  These items would include anything that hides my muffin top and is not from the Old Navy. 

3 – Sickness: Like the little weather game – a bunch of illnesses were thrown our way this week to remind us not to get too comfortable with all the fresh air and good health.  Soon my children will be surrounded by bird flu and head lice and filthy snot-nosed children that don’t comb their hair.  http://lgoogoogaga.wordpress.com/2011/06/12/tangled/

This week we were all sick and it is the first of probably 30 illnesses before next spring.

4 – Hurricanes and Nor’easters and Earthquakes: Apparently – in an effort to throw me right back into the reality that is the school year – the universe threw a whole bunch of weather our way this week.  This way I could feel the effects of staying in the house
for long periods of time, cooking, cleaning and playing UNO.

The winter is soooo long and soooo torturous.  On top of the obvious unpleasantness of being stuck in the house with children – I notice all of the chores I have neglected and am forced to clean and organize and cook.   I have mentioned before I lounge around during the summer, see below:

This isn't me - but we are thinking the same thing - I don't know where my kids are - and I don't care.

This isn't me - but we are thinking the same thing - I don't know where my kids are - and I don't care.

And while I am doing this -this is what my sink looks like:

This is what my sink looks like while I am at the beach- but guess what ...you cannot be happy or achieve a beautiful bronze skin tone by sitting around scrubbing pots and pans.....

You can’t notice the dishwasher needs to be emptied if you are reading US Weekly on the beach!

5 – A return to the bus stop: The last time we were there was after Michael punched some asshole in the face on the last day of school. 

Oh how I hate these people, and oh how I hate that they are the very first faces I see besides my own and my kids each day….Please read about my bus stop adventures if you missed it the first go-round – http://lgoogoogaga.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/the-fiery-gates-of-our-bus-stop/ You will not be disappointed.

6- Playdates: When does this actually end? My phone was blowing up this week from Moms that had children “just dying to see Michael!” or who’s son is “devastated that Sam isn’t in his class!!” – so “we have to do a playdate!” 

Really? 

It’s called they will see you on the first day of school – and by the way – Sam isn’t in his class because your kid is a monster and I requested that they be separated.  Just sayin….

7 – Birthday Parties: I am not kidding that we already got two birthday invitations this week.  Thank Jesus – one was for today and was postponed due to the hurricane.  Otherwise – we spend at least one day of every weekend participating in some birthday festivities for
children we barely know. (you know because you have to invite all 22 children from your class to your birthday) 

The last one we went to during this summer was quite the fiasco…http://lgoogoogaga.wordpress.com/2011/08/07/last-friday-night/

8 – No Camp:  Have I mentioned that I love the “beach camp” that the kids go to that is from 9 – 12 (break for lunch) and then 1-2:30?  Um – that is the most free-time I have had since college. 

See - this is me with some of my "mommy friends" enjoying a pool party while our kids are atcamp.....I'm just not going to have time for these kind of things during the school year.....

Now we are back to dumb-ass preschool which goes from about 9:00 am to 9:20 am and then on Fridays they do a shortened session so pick up is at 9:14 am.  I can maybe go
home and take a shower and then I have to go back and pick up.  It’s a joke. 

9 – Room Mothers: Have you met these people? They are insane! They have endless amounts of energy and take interest in all things related to their child and his or her class.  They inadvertently make me feel bad with their endless email updates and requests for volunteers that are “much-needed” and “so- appreciated!” 

One time I volunteered to help with a “Kindergarten regatta.” When I got there my job was to turn on the hose to fill the pool for the boats.  Really? You really need a volunteer for this?? 

This is me waiting at the arts and crafts table for someone to get me the hose....this kid kept asking for help with his letters ...so annoying.

These room mothers are also the people who request that we each send in $20 for the holiday gift for the teacher.  I mentioned the class was 22 children right??

10 – My babies are old:  Despite all my bitching about nonsense – the truth of the matter is that this is my last year with my son in preschool and next year he will be in full-day kindergarten and I will be left home with my dishwasher and my US Weekly that I have been coveting so much.  I have a feeling when I can finally read the dang thing – it’s not going to be nearly as fun or entertaining as my kids…

Thank god I have you guys – My loyal fans!! 

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“pouring my heart out” with www.thingsicantsay.com

 

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28 responses »

  1. Can I claim “copyright infringement” if the Mommy Pool Party photo you posted contains a girl who looks JUST. LIKE. ME? Yup, that’s me–the one in the gold bikini with the giant bazongas. That’s actually the same top I wear when I volunteer in the library at the kids’ school. Those little darlings sure do love to read!

    Reply
  2. Good luck! I hope you make it through:) Stopping by from the lady bloggers tea party!

    Reply
  3. That was such a great post-it had me laughing out loud!! It really is ridiculous how short preschool is!!

    Reply
  4. NIce list! This is my kids 2nd week of school. Last week in what has to be a record of some sort 2 of the 3 cam down with a 24 hr bug. Today, the middle child is staying home with a cold because she also has slight temp. Back to school is so much fun! (if you discount the shopping for supplies which this year had me visiting no less than 5 stores and the endless bugs the kids catch).

    Reply
  5. GWAD! My day starts off @ 5 fucken am. My poor pre-k kids rides the bus at 6. Another crappy thing about school…all those supply’s I have to buy. Oldest son is in middle school now. Each teacher has a list!

    Reply
  6. Hot dogs for breakfast are entirely underrated. As long as you make them solidly vow to not tell their teachers or classmates or teacher, your golden.

    Reply
    • Oh, I know!! We have had some bad mornings and I pray that it’s not the day that they have to make a picture of their breakfast or tell their class that they had a doughnut and a red bull….

      Reply
  7. This was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.

    Reply
  8. I have to agree, going back to school does suck! I am now trying to get into some sort of routine with my son. It’s not fun!

    Reply
  9. I am so with you on the sicknesses thing! I am not looking forward to back-to-back-to-back colds again this winter. Off to read about the bus stop fight!

    Reply
  10. Your posts always crack me up!

    My kids don’t really sleep in, but it’s entirely different to have to be up and ready to be out the door rather than just being up. 7:40 is the latest we can walk out the door and get everyone to school on time. OMG.

    Reply
  11. Hang in there! back to school is such a big transition!

    Also- your photos? Hilarious!

    Reply
  12. I have not missed a post yet and they never disappoint…many days, they make my morning!

    Hope all went well.

    Reply
  13. My oldest just started kindergarten. I thought it would give me more free time, but nope! Great post! New follower on networked blog from the weekend hop, have a great weekend!

    Reply
  14. I too dread those room moms – ugh, dressed to the nines even when it’s a 106 outside – I mean, am I the only one who sweats around here – I spend the first part of school worrying which moms I’m going to be stuck with all year long

    Reply
  15. im screwed becuse there is wild kids at school blame me for no reason i dont care if im a boy but i have issuses at school also they want me to wear a lame uniform and shave my hair

    Reply
  16. Hi!

    Could you sign this petition: change.org/petitions/board-of-education-and-all-educational-facilities-and-municipalities-reform-education-so-that-it-s-fair-for-all-and-not-for-the-elite-few-or-the-dull-many-no-child-left-behind

    Reply

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