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Beach Blanket Bingo


I don’t get out much. 

When our beach community hosts their annual “High Stakes Bingo” night it is a very exciting event. They set up a huge tent in the parking lot of the beach, adjacent to the boat basin and everyone goes after dinner in hopes of winning some great prizes and having some good old-fashioned fun.  I know….pathetic.

There are 15 games and for $10 you get a card for each game.  You can skip a game and play more cards for items you really want – like a Kindle or flat-screen TV.  I take all of this very seriously.  I was visiting a friend all day and came screeching home on 2 wheels so I could have time to feed everyone and take a shower and get there a little early to get a good seat so I could see what I was going to win.

I had discussed this with my friend during the day. 

“Well – I think you should get 5 cards,” she said.

$50 on BINGO? No – I can’t – because then if I don’t win I will be furious.” I said.

I decided on 2 sets of cards for $20.

It was the hottest day of the year of course – so pulling on jean capris was a nightmare.  My sister said “How could you wear jeans? It’s too hot!”

I said “I know – but when I jump up and scream “Bingo!!” I don’t want anyone to see my thong – so I can’t wear a skirt or dress.”

She stared at me like I was insane.

We had prime seats when we got there 15 minutes early and got our cards and stampers ready.  I had a good feeling.

That was until game after game – I lost.  I would be so close.  I would need just two more spots to have the “X” or the classic Bingo….I could taste the words in my mouth, then some rotten kid or old lady would yell “Bingo!!” really loud.  Their table would cheer for them, and they would go up to the prize table and accept their prize and come back grinning from ear-to-ear. 

One 10-year-old boy who won actually sat for one whole hour with a huge box holding an IPOD dock on his lap, just smiling into the sunset.   What an asshole.  My aunt and cousin were to the right of me – at one point my aunt said “Karl – I will give you $20 if you take that kid’s prize and smash it into a million pieces.”

We should not be let out of the house.

I became more and more disgruntled with each game.   What the hell is a 90- year-old going to do with a Razor scooter?  What does an 8-year-old girl want with a fire pit?  There was  boy up front cranking a metal caged wheel that would spit out little balls with the numbers on them.

“B11,” he would drone on…….”G47″

I had an urge to go to the front and pick up the metal cage wheel and punt it like a soccer ball into the boat basin.  If I did that – all the little balls would come shooting out and bounce all over the parking lot.  Then NOBODY could win.  The letter caller guy would be sitting there in shock and I would punch him in the face and grab his microphone.  I would look at everyone and say “Who has BINGO now – bitches?”  – then I would turn around and flip the prize table over like Theresa Guidice. 

Teresa Guidice flipping a table

That would be awesome!!  Everyone would probably be screaming and trying to gather their things and run away – but then I would run around kicking down all the poles holding up the tent so it would fall on people and they would be stuck under the canvas  and not notice when I take the Kindle and the IPad2 and run to my car and peel out.  Anyone who could crawl out from the canvas tent would be met with a cloud of smoke and gravel in their face.

OK – I started this post with “I need to get out more.” I admittedly have a problem with not enough excitement in my life and perhaps I am a teensy bit overly competitive.  Tune in next week – after the “Board Games at the Beach” night!

Clearly I don’t like losing – I would feel much better if you vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs!! I have to win something for god sakes!!!!!!!

Linking to Shell at POUR YOUR HEART OUT

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14 responses »

  1. Laughing so hard right now!!!

    Reply
  2. me too! LAUGHING TO LOUD!

    Reply
  3. LOL!! I nearly spit out my coffee laughing at the Teresa Guidice comment!!!

    Reply
  4. LMAO! Again.
    Your story telling is so vivid, I feel like I was there. And I would have won something for sure…just sayin’

    I voted for you.
    Now post a pic – I am dying to put a face to your words!!!

    Reply
  5. I’m cracking up at how competitive you are over Bingo. Though I might take someone out for an iPad!

    Reply
  6. I understand being competitive. My sister and I trash talk each other while playing WordFeud on our phones! :)

    Reply
  7. Sounds like you need a real vacation on a deserted island with no people or children around!!!

    Reply
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  9. So funny! I just wanted to share that I used this post (cut down to 2 minutes) for an audition. And I got the part. They loved it. It was for a show called Blogologues, where blogs are used as monologues and scenes on the stage. Thanks for the inspiration.

    Reply
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