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Beach Mode


We are on vacation – which means that LADY GOO GOO GAGA is no longer interested in parenting or caring for her children.  Her top priorities are eating food, drinking wine, and reading US Weekly on the beach.

As a result, my children now eat a steady rotation of CARS 2 cereal, Fluffernutters, and hot dogs.  (Add in an ice cream from the ice cream man and that about rounds out the daily meal.)  As I have mentioned before, I am Italian and I take food very seriously – so this meal plan is a clear indication of how “checked out” I actually am.

The other day on the beach I was attempting to read my book, The Hunger Games Trilogy, and ignoring my children.  I was rudely interrupted  by mothers screaming from the boardwalk that my children were spitting water at each other – and apparently getting their saliva on others in the process.  I had to put my book down and get up and walk to the boardwalk.  On my way, a mother – (from what do you know – my hometown!!! They follow me everywhere) says…

“Your children are spitting at each other…and getting water on everyone.”

You know what? It’s the effing beach….so I don’t care if someone got a little spit on them – we just swam in the Long Island Sound all day.  Do you really think a little water and saliva from a 4-year-old is going to make or break the germ situation?  Why did I just have to put down my beach book to deal with this bullshit? I AM ON VACATION.

This isn't me - but we are thinking the same thing - "I don't know where my kids are - and I don't care."

This isn’t me, it is Britney Spears – but we are thinking the same thing – “I don’t know where my kids are – and I don’t care.”

All parenting is on hiatus.  Oh – what’s that?  One more episode of Spongebob Squarepants?? Sure. Sounds awesome.  Let me just have another glass of wine.

Oh, what did you say?  Your brother just catapulted you out of the hammock and you hit your head on the metal pole? Oh – that’s sad for you – here’s an ice cream sandwich.

What? I can’t hear you over the sound from the blender making Miami Vices!  You want to go climb on the rocks by the beach and pee on them instead of going to the bathroom?   Sounds great!!!

Poor kids – hopefully the slight relief of helicopter parenting will benefit them – maybe one day they will say – “Remember when we were little and we would go on vacation to the beach – and Mommy never watched us or talked to us and let us do whatever we wanted? Good times…”

JUST BECAUSE I FEED MY KIDS CARS 2 CEREAL DOESN”T MEAN I AM A BAD PERSON!!!  PLEASE CLICK ON THE BANNER BELOW TO VOTE FOR LADY GOO GOO GAGA!!! ONE CLICK COUNTS AS A VOTE!!!  THANK YOU!!!!

LINKING TO SHELL AT “POUR YOUR HEART OUT” and MAMA KAT’S LOSIN IT

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37 responses »

  1. hahaha! that is what vacations should be like.

    Reply
  2. LMAO!
    I try to live by these rules every day. So hard to ignore them at home though. :)

    Have an amazing vaction girl!

    Xo
    Babymama

    Reply
  3. Is there a mom out there who can’t relate to this? God bless you for putting it all out there.

    Reply
  4. ugh tell the other moms to deal with your kids! enjoy the vacay!

    Reply
  5. Both my brother and I are products of “do it yourself” parenting. I’m a teacher and he’s an assistant principal. I think it worked out just fine. Keep up the great work!

    Reply
  6. “Oh – that’s sad for you – here’s an ice cream sandwich.”

    I have found our new family motto.

    Reply
  7. I have been ignoring my kids for years… they’re old enough to feed themselves so it’s okay. Besides a little spit never hurt anyone. Enjoy your vacation.

    Reply
  8. I love this post. My kids are too young to allow this yet, but I am sure at some point, spitting will become a (Non) issue.

    Stopping by from PYHO.

    Reply
  9. Was it salt water? If so, then it had already killed any germs in their mouths before they spit on the other kids, so you’re all good.

    Reply
  10. I don’t think we are going to get a vacation this year, so I’ll just borrow yours.

    Reply
  11. Loved the comparison with Britney LOL

    Reply
  12. When my girls whine about something, I like to bust out my own rendition of Justin Timberlake’s “Cry Me A River”. It really pisses off my 7 year old. Lol!

    Reply
  13. LMAO!!! Hope you enjoyed your vacation!

    Reply
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  24. A little saliva never hurt anybody! Popsicles and ice cream make all the booboos better at my house too!

    Reply
  25. Lol I think you’re just saying what the rest of us are thinking. Also, can you share your recipe for a Miami Vice?

    Reply
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