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Top ten ways this is not my mother’s motherhood….


#1 – On weekends my children would go outside after breakfast and not come back until dinner.  They would never bother me to tell me how hungry, thirsty, bored they are.  And during this playtime, I wouldn’t really know where they were, I might have a vague idea of the vicinity, but that’s about it. This would be fine and I wouldn’t worry about sexual predators or the guy across the street that waters his telephone pole every morning.

#2 –In the afternoon/evening my kids could watch Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, and Electric Company, back-to-back every day (that’s 2  ½ hours people!!) and I would have zero guilt or worry that they were going to be stupid or violent or fat.  I would just make dinner and talk on the phone the whole time.

#3 – I would never have to attend or host a playdate.  My kids would play with whoever lived on their street.  Even if it was someone they would never ordinarily be friends with, or someone weird or annoying like Fran Drescher’s kids, too bad. They would just play with who was available and make it work.

#4 – Plus even if someone asked me for a playdate, I wouldn’t be available because I would have lunch and then from 1-3 I would have to watch Days of Our Lives and Another World.  Then I would have to take a nap.  Also – my husband wouldn’t be available because he and all the husbands I know would be at work (out of the house.) There would be no chance that a Dad would show up for a playdate or birthday party.

#5 – I could put all of the cereal in the lowest cabinet in the kitchen and teach my kids how to fend for themselves, so I could sleep in the morning while they get themselves dressed, get breakfast, MAKE THEIR OWN LUNCH! and get ready for school.  And if they aren’t disciplined enough to do this and miss the bus, they
could walk or ride their bike to school to learn a lesson.

#6 –I wouldn’t spend 5 minutes every time I got into a vehicle, strapping people into various boosters and car seats like they were preparing for a space shuttle mission.  They would sit (or stand) in the backseat with no seatbelt.  For a special treat, (if we weren’t in the Blue Ford Hornet that had doors that blew open when you turned a corner) I would even let them sit in the front passenger seat.

#7– While in this vehicle I could smoke cigarettes with the windows closed using my built-in ash-tray and listen to whatever I wanted to on the radio. It might be the oldies station, Imus in the Morning, or Howard Stern but the thought would never cross my mind to drive around town listening to the Imagination Movers or Big Time Rush.

#8 – Also, if I needed to stop for my daily milk and cigarettes, I would just park the car and run into the store and leave my kids in the second-hand smoke bomb car.  Or if it was my mother-in-law’s motherhood, I wouldn’t even leave my house.  I would just give my kid $5 and send him on foot to the nearest convenience store with a note that said “Please give my son a gallon of milk and a pack of Marlboro 100’s.”

#9 – When I needed a babysitter, I could just leave my children
with their 85-year-old great-grandmother who was A – off the boat from Italy and doesn’t speak a lick of English and B- could only walk with a walker.  I would just keep my fingers crossed that nothing bad happened that would require an adult to contact the authorities( requiring use of the English language.)  Also, hope that if the kids did something wrong like run baths for their Cabbage Patch Dolls and leave the water running for so long that it’s pouring through the downstairs ceiling, she will stop watching church and doing the rosary long enough to notice.

#10 – I would have given birth at an appropriate age so that when I had a child in kindergarten, instead of being a fat , weathered  35 year-old, I would be a young, skinny and vibrant 27-year-old with my whole life ahead of me. I wouldn’t have gray hair yet, or saggy boobs or fat stomach, so I think I would be in a much better mood!

Oh well, that was motherhood in the 1970’s.  Can you think of a way that your motherhood is different from your moms’? Let’s hear it – Leave me a comment!!

Happy Mother’s Day!!

x0x0x

Lady Goo Goo Gaga

I linked up with Adventures in Mommyhood for

Reposted for MAMA KAT!

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40 responses »

  1. My parents never smoked, so I never had the pleasure of sitting in a smoke filled car! I do remember sitting in the parking lot of Kmart while my dad just ran in for a “second”. It’s amazing we lived to adulthood, isn’t it? :-/

    Reply
  2. I will never have kids because, well, I don’t like kids, but also because things aren’t like that anymore. Parents put their kids in a protective bubble–one I would like to pop. Loved this post.

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  3. Ah, the good old days…

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  4. In the 60’s my mother would let me hop on a city bus and retreive something she forgot to buy the day before. I was 10 years old!!! My mother and father let my boyfriend pick me up at 17 and take me to the Hamptons for the weekend!!! They trusted me and everyone else to a fault. On smoking – my mother used to sit on the toilet smoking while giving my sisters and I a spelling bee!!! My oh my how the world has changed (for the better I guess.)

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  5. It ain’t like it used to be! That’s for damn sure! great list!!

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  6. Almost perfect and unforgiveably true gotta love those 70’s

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  7. HIL.A.RI.OUS!!! And so spot on. Mine parents would be “I would let my kids go out and built a quarter mile tunnel out in a 6 foot snowdrift, not worrying a bit that 10 pounds of snow would cave in on them & they would suffocate” …. or better yet “Hey, I don’t really feel like taking my 1 year old to the Magic Kingdom today so I’ll just leave her with the Disney campground 15 yr old babysitter that I don’t know from Adam for 8 or 9 hours!
    Seriously????
    Love your blog by the way! Stop by for a visit sometime! http://bit.ly/mmMPiJ

    Reply
  8. Oh my God, this is awesome, and so spot on. Every morning while I’m dragging my 3-year-old and 20-month-old out of their car seats so we can all walk my 6-year-old into her kindergarten class (school rules) I daydream about how back in the day my sister and I got to stay in the car while my parents grocery shopped.

    Thank you so much for stopping by and for your lovely comment!

    Reply
  9. This is an awesome list! I remember my parents locking us out of the house, so we wouldn’t run in and out. I’ve employed this tactic with my boys. :)

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  10. This is so funny! I will never forget going on vacations with my parents’ friends and their kids. 4 adults, 5 kids, one big conversion-type van. Dads in the front, moms in the middle captain’s chairs. All 5 kids either playing on or under the seats in the back, folded down into a bed. No car seats or seat belts needed!

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  11. I kinda wish it was still the 1970’s. That makes motherhood sound easy and with a lot less worry.

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  12. This is so great! I could relate to almost everything. My childhood took place in the 80’s, but it was still basically the same. Except my mom didn’t smoke – in the car or elsewhere.

    LOL at your neighbor who waters his telephone pole every morning. And at Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, and The Electric Company making kids stupid, violent, and fat. If Fred Rogers were still around, parents today would be all, “He throws his shoe up in the air – ZOMG, THAT’S SO DANGEROUS!”

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  13. I LOVE this! I remember riding my bike to the store (which was probably a mile from our house) to buy my mom’s cigarettes. Never did I actually consider smoking them.

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  14. Carcinogens! All that microwaved plastic, charcoal burnt meat off the grill, lead paint, shampoos and bubble bath soap, formaldehyde (well, that’s from my high school biology teacher I guess for all those dissections I did), cleaning chemicals… I’m still waiting (in fear) that cancer will appear one day. I try my best to keep the dangerous stuff away from my girls, but it seems like every year something new pops up that has the C label.

    The car seat one really amazes my husband and I. His mother use to put him in a booster seat, but did not buckle the seat nor my husband into it. It served mainly for him to be able to see out the window.

    Reply
  15. Hilarity! I spent my childhood days playing in the creek that was at least a mile from our house. There were usually other children splashing around with me, but sometimes I was alone. I, obviously, didn’t drown, but I can’t imagine sending my 5 year old out all day to play in the woods near water! I suppose I’ll need to find other ways to be deemed an irresponsible parent by society. Haha!

    Stopping by from Mama Kat’s
    atlibertytodiscuss.wordpress.com

    Reply
  16. My mom never once took me on a playdate as a kid; we played with our neighbors and we played all. the. damn. time. When we saw said neighbors at school, we weren’t really friends because we would never ordinarily play together but for the vicinity of our homes. There are a ton of kiddos on my block and none of them ever play; it makes me sad for them and also, I realize that since they don’t play with their neighbors, that I’ll have to start scouting out play dates for my kid. Darn extra work for me.

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  17. LOVE IT.

    Why can’t we go back to that without everyone judging and sending social services?

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  18. stopping by from the sits list linky and you are one funny lady. sorry you didn’t make it onto my list!

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  19. Oh my gosh!! #8 was my mother-in-law in the ’80s! Love this!

    Reply
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  21. Hilarious post and oh so true! My parents had a huge station wagon, and it was a thrill to ride in the “back back.” I often rode back there with the top window hatch open!

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  22. Mine would be not feel any pressure to put kids in sports, dance, language lessons, music lessons, art class, etc. etc. (Not that I have done that yet – but I feel the pressure already and my kids are two and under!) LOVED this list by the way, especially #3 and #6.

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  23. Ha! My sister had a Hornet as her first car. It used to just turn on…no key necessary. My grandparents in GA also used to lock us out of the house for hours every afternoon so they could take a siesta. We used to play for hours and hours around our house in the woods with the neighborhood kids. This is all so true! And the car seat thing…I, being the youngest, was the one who had to ride on the floor in the van in the little step space by the sliding door. My older siblings got to lay across the seat…no seat belt needed! Great post! Thanks!

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  24. I hate play dates!!! This is great…thanks.

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  25. this is just hilarious. I remember being in third grade or thereabouts and going to the dentist by myself. mom gave me $15 to pay him. After stopping at the candystore on the way, i would present him with $12.20 for the work he did. never understood why he always looked so puzzled!. what about being around 11 and going to the park to ssee the “wigglers” with my friend doris – mom never knew where i was nor did she care as long as the 4 of us were out. By the way, the wigglers were men who pleasured themselves. We had absolutely no idea what they were doing but nevertheless, were hysterical.

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  28. This is a great post and I’m right there with you. When I had my 2nd child I started to just do some of the things on this list (won’t tell you which ones!) out of sheer desperation and you know what…it got easier. And we are all alive.

    Reply
  29. My mom had me a month after she turned 18 so she was always the youngest and she didn’t smoke (but literally every other person in our entire family did so I was chock-full of 2nd hand smoke). How about the crap we got to eat in our lunches….bologna sandwiches on white bread, fritos and a twinkie. In fact, Little Debbies and Hostess items were practically a staple in our house. My mom had a cabinet solely devoted to various flavors of soda and pretty much lived on CocaCola. Oh, and back then no one ever dreamed of catering dinner preferences to what the kids liked/ate (too bad if you’re 3 years old…liver and onions tonight, chewy shake-n-bake pork chops tomorrow and stuffed cabbage the next. You’ll eat it and you’ll like it cuz there are starving children in Africa!) I was just telling my 13 yr old daughter what a soap opera was and how crazy it was that not only did my mom have her “shows” she never missed, but that she let ME watch them too!!!
    I do have to say that I let my kids play outside a lot and sometimes even give them cups of water and tell them they can’t come back inside for a while just because its good for them and my sanity. and they make their own breakfasts and lunches…cuz I’m a rebel and that’s how I roll! ;)

    Reply
  30. I raised my four girls in the seventies; they all turned all well, despite most of what you described. However, I always wished I had been a mother during the fifties, it all seemed so much easier (and more fun) then! Will my grandchildren look back at their childhoods and say the same thing? I doubt it…

    Reply
  31. My sister and I walked 1/2 mile to the Marta bus stop and took a public bus to school every day for years, when we were like 9 and 7. Omg! Public transportation?

    Reply

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